Over the weekend...Klay and I had... what could have been a major fight... over a silly thing (but, isn't that true of most fights?) We're both pretty hot headed....
But, we didn't... Okay, I'm being vague, let me explain.
Emry has one of those unbreakable digital cameras, I think it's made by Fisher Price. He had taken 354 pictures, which is the max. I went to take them off, and save them with the rest of his beautiful pics (He really has an eye). When I noticed the camera froze while transferring the media to the computer.
So, I can't do much, so I just unplug it from the laptop.
Klay is a big tech guy... He knows a lot about computers and storage.... and all that junk. (Honestly, he knows a lot about everything.) So, I start to get a conversation about How I probably would lose the data, since I didn't eject the USB first.
I'm sorry... I rolled my eyes, and said something along the lines of "give me a break".
Which was rude... and he gave me his, "Okkkaaaay, like I don't know anything about this stuff..."
and walked away.
I did lose the pics. He was right. So, I was bitter... PMS moment... but, I kind of hate when he talks computer jargon with me... I feel small.... which I guess is more my problem than it is his...
So, we went our separate ways in my home, and finally it bubbled over.
He told me he was "F*cking pissed" because I dismissed him, and basically told him to "F*ck off."
Which, in retrospect I did, but I quickly came back (with venom in my voice), "Well, I'm sorry you felt that way, but sometimes, when you are trying to "teach" me something, I feel this (small size) big."
He told me whatever and walked away.
I fueled into it... "if you're going to be angry, just go home, I don't need this today."
He ignored me.
Continued with playing with Emry....
He was going to take Emry to the movies, I saw Klay climb the stairs to go to Emry's room, and something hit me. I WAS WRONG. I WAS MEAN. I WAS THE ONE AT FAULT. AND I WAS THE ONE KEEPING THIS GOING.
I bounded up the stairs behind him, and he turned to face me in Emry's room, I guess he assumed that I was still upset, and I grabbed him, and held him, and apologized.... I was wrong the way I acted.
He then told me that if I ever do feel that way, to let him know, because it is not his intention.
Okay. What's my point?
I had a moment of growth.
When Nick and I used to fight... HELL when any of my exes and I used to fight... I would keep my venom, my anger... and I would fight it out..... Usually for days. I would hold a grudge... I would hold it against the other person... Honestly, I always felt tiny, and unwanted in my past relationships, especially in my marriage. I would blame his infidelity and distance on me... because of how mean I was being... But, I was mean... because I felt unloved, and I didn't know how to properly express it.
By, knowing I was wrong, by taking ownership of it, during the midst of a fight. I grew. I had an emotional, spiritual, and mental moment of growth.
I am proud of myself.
Have any of you had a moment of growth that stopped you in your tracks and made you say "whoa!"?
Does anyone know what I'm talking about here? or am I just babbling?
I love Klay. I really do.
And I think when something (a relationship) is real... you think outside of yourself....
You think of your needs and their needs at the same time. Both are equally important.