Emry and I made sugar cookies last night.
We put food coloring in them and made them look pretty funky.
Cut shapes out with a pizza cutter.
It was a good amount of fun.
When Klay came by last evening, he said that I should have told him we were making cookies. That he would have came over and helped.
I didn't tell him for a reason.
Fears creeping in.
Emry is starting to have a negative effect to my relationship with Klay.
He loves him too much. He wants him around too much, and there's nothing he can do to speed up the process. He sobbed about it the other day. He wants Klay to live with us.
Klay isnt ready for that. Klay needs his own space. He's entitled to it.
I can't quick fix this for my kid, so, silently... I guess I've decided that may be Emry and I should do more "mama and monster time" and less of the "family time"
I thought the family time was having a positive effect. Obviously it was having TOO MUCH of a positive effect... because now Emry wants it all the time. So now the oober positive effect has turned detrimental.
I got to do what's best for my son.
I'm just so torn about it.
But, in my heart I know, that my love for my son, out weighs the love I can have for anyone else.
I'm not saying I'm going to break up with Klay... But, I think I should focus more on my son... until either Klay wants to move forward and perhaps move in... or we decide that this isn't working anymore.
What kind of time limit do I have on this? I don't know really.... another 9 months? That seems like an acceptable time period.
This hurts to do.
I don't want Klay to feel like I'm distancing myself, but, in actuality, I have to.
I can't have the fact that Emry is crying out (literally) for a father, that I can't provide, just because I'm in love.
Emry is a little boy, and even though he is wicked perceptive, he's still too little to understand everything.
Still sucks though.
LIFE IN GENERAL VENT
Why is it we are a country, that sends aid all over the fucking world... to help people dying and starving.. but we can't help the people in our own backyards?
Why is it that we as a country, make our people jump through a million hoops, just to get a smidgen of help, and if another country screams famine or drought.... $100 million dollar (we don't have and was stolen anyway) of aid goes to that country?
It isn't fair.
It isn't right.
I am fed up.
I had a sleepless night last night, because of these thoughts.
Our President preached about helping our country.
WHERE IS THE HELP?
WHY ARE THERE CHILDREN IN OUR COUNTRY HOMELESS AND STARVING?
WHY ARE THE PARENTS WHO ARE SCREAMING AND CRYING FOR HELP NOT GETTING ANY?
WHY CAN'T ANYONE JUST DO THE RIGHT THING?
I'm the person, that if I have even a little room, I will make it work, if it gets you out of sleeping of your car.
I have let many a friend sleep on my couch, eat my food, use my computer...
BECAUSE IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.
Why can't these agencies who preach, "We help the poor, we help the needy" DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE GOING TO DO.
So disappointed in our country.
Afraid for Emry's future.
Have a good day people.
Hope and Pray for a better tomorrow... and a better day after that.