People Just as Crazy as Me

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

WHATEVER WEDNESDAYS!

You must be asking, "What is WHATEVER WEDNESDAYS?!"

Well... It's funny.... I just made it up.... So, I think it's WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT IT TO BE! Dag-nabbit!

Heeheee.

Just kidding.

Whatever Wednesdays, is kind of an homage to everything going on in the world... Not just my world... But, the actual world around me.

I want Wednesday points, to start with something directly affecting my world... and then I'm plan to branch out and see how it affects the world around me....

So, let me start with this:



This is my father. (He's in his Pirate Garb from the Ren Faire)

Now, I was privileged enough to grow up in a household with a mother and father.
However, I was hindered because I had a mother, who like to bad mouth my father... to us.
So, I kind of grew up thinking my dad was a work-aholic... because he didn't love any of us.

I know better now.
My dad is a great man.

Now, what's my point?
Not everyone has a father... or sometimes even a father-figure.

My sons sperm donor had a chance to be a wonderful father, if he just tried to be... We are lucky enough that a father-figure... a positive male role model, is found in his grandfather (my dad) and in Klay.

I never wanted to be in this situation.. I never wanted my son to be that kid from a broken home.
But, then I learned... it's not broken... Love is love... Not all families are.... the cookie cutter version.

So, when I hear from people:

"Well, he doesn't have a father, so it's hard for him."

or

"I never had a father, so I really don't know how to be a father."

or

"I act this way, because I never had a father teaching me how to be a man."

or

"I act out because I'm angry about my family situation."



When I hear these things... it makes me angry.

If you live day in and day out saying the what-ifs... and the because I don't have.... You miss the beauty that your life could be if you just let it.

A father doesn't make (or in some situations break) a family.
A family is a family due to love, and committment to eachother.

But studies say this:

A father is known as a man who exercises paternal care over other people.[2][3] Most fathers are naturally protective, supportive, and responsible and are able to provide a number of significant benefits to themselves, their communities, and their children.[4] Involved fathers offer developmentally specific provisions to their sons and daughters throughout the life cycle and are impacted themselves by their doing so.[5] Active father figures have a key role to play in reducing behavior problems in boys and psychological problems in young women.[6] For example, children who experience significant father involvement tend to exhibit higher scores on assessments of cognitive development, enhanced social skills and fewer behaviour problems.[7][8][9] An increased amount of father–child involvement has also proven to increase a child's social stability, educational achievement, and even their potential to have a solid marriage as an adult. The children are also more curious about the world around them and develop greater problem solving skills.[10] Children who were raised without fathers perceive themselves to be less cognitively and physically competent than their peers from father-present families.[11] Mothers raising children without fathers reported more severe disputes with their child. Sons raised without fathers showed more feminine but no less masculine characteristics of gender role behaviour.[12]

Father Factor in Incarceration - Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.
• Father Factor in Crime - A study of 109 juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk. A study of 13,986 women in prison showed that more than half grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household and sixteen percent lived with neither parent. (Fathers and Daughters).
• Father Factor in Child Abuse - Compared to living with both parents, living in a single-parent home doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect. The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.
• Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse - Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.
• Father Factor in Education - Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

And so on, and so forth.

I call BULLSHIT on this one......

Yes, I know these are the numbers, and the statistics....and yada yada... but I call BS.

(or maybe I'm just being naive...hey, it could happen.)

Your kid... whether they come from a Two-Parent or One-Parent (be it mother or father) home... will turn out bad... if you aren't raising them.

Yes, as we mature, from child to teenager... we get our own set of balls... however, children who were taught how to act... Will act to the best of their teenage ability.

  • Every kid skips school (at least once)
  • Every kid will have an attitude once the hormones kick in
  • Every kid will fail (at least) one test.
  • Every kid will have good and bad days.
However, they will even out... if they have received the right guidance and parenting.

I believe these statistics are flawed... because of weak parents... think since they got screwed out of a partner (for one reason or another)..... don't have to compensate their parenting.

"He/She didn't stay around, that's why I'm a crappy parent"

Not me. Not my son.
We are a family. We are surrounded by blood (and not blood family)... We have support (sometimes not a lot, but when it's not from other people, we support ourselves)

We will not be a statistic.

----------------------------

First:

What do you think of "Whatever Wednesdays" ?
Do you have a topic for next week?
How do you feel about the above statistics?
How do you feel about my opinion on the subject?

Second:

Has everyone seen my awesome BLOGGER BUTTON?
You should add it to your blogs... you add mine, and I'll add yours!!!

Please help me get my voice out!


Until laterfriends!

3 comments:

  1. Awesome post! I like the idea - a lot.

    And I think you already know how I feel. ;) Two of my kids might not have father figures in their lives, but they will be taught to be responsible human beings!

    :)
    Amy

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  2. i think a child can be raised right in any situation. one parent or two its all about how commited a parent is to teaching the right things. i never read into statistics cause my life is not one and i wont let it be.

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  3. Holy cow...I suck. I am just now reading this....can you say busy much?!?!? I really like the idea of whatever Wednesdays....I may have to copy that...lol. AND I completely agree with you. My hubby's sperm donor walked out on him and his brother when they were young. His step dad walked out on him after his mom died 3 years ago. I will NEVER understand that. Ever. But my hubby is stronger for it, because his mom taught him what it was to be a man, and he is a WONDERFUL father to our daughter. I couldn't be prouder to have him in my life. <3

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