People Just as Crazy as Me

Friday, October 14, 2011

Friday 10/14/11

Should be working.
Can't.

Pretending like everything is okay sucks.
Especially in the christian based work environment I go to everyday.
They are always happy.
I pretend well.

Some days I really enjoy being here.
Happiness is infectious...
Sometimes I wonder why they keep passing me glasses of kool-aid.
Just kidding.
I swear.
Good God People... Not pushy... Just friendly.. and happy.
All the time.


My rant last night.
Wow.
I had to write it out.
I just lost it.
And, for me... I almost forwarded him the link... you know...anonymously...
I can't just lose it like that on him...
He doesn't deserve that.

But...
You know...
*Points at self* Emotional Mess.
Yup, that's right.
I am an EMOTIONAL MESS.

Yes Eric "Bubba", it will fester.. and that isn't good....
But, let me explain:
I'm divorced. My ex-husband was a loser.
His biggest complaint of me... That I always felt things too strongly.
That I never gave it time.
That I react to quickly.
That my emotional state... as eradict as it can be sometimes... made him act...
The way he acted.
All my fault.
I ruined my marriage.
In his mind at least.
(SIDE NOTE: Takes two to tango, and his constant cheating and lying didn't help anything.)

I'm afraid of losing the best man I've ever known.
Truly.
A winner.
Didn't think these type of men exsisted.

I am just getting the feeling that, I can't hold on...
That the good.. is starting to be over powered by... not the bad.. but the indifference to change.

Does that make any sense?
Just trying to stay quiet until I can see all sides of this.
I do not want to act to quickly.

That's all I got today.

I need a hug.

2 comments:

  1. ((HUGS)) Being in a relationship is hard, no matter how you dice it. Especially once you've been divorced. I thought for sure that my current hubby was going to leave me at several points before we got married, because I tended to be somewhat psycho. It's what a divorce does to you. <3 I hope you get everything sorted, and it's OKAY to have a bad day. Thinking of you!

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  2. Being quiet and trying to see all sides is not a bad thing. Just don't discount the way you feel, okay?

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