People Just as Crazy as Me

Monday, November 14, 2011

This weekend.. yep... you get a Monday Need to Vent Recap.

This weekend, went, super quickly... So, quickly that for the 3rd or 4th weekend in a row, Klay and I had no "us" time... Which I think is important... Since in my 1st marriage, we never made any time for eachother, and the "schedule" became our life.. which made the asshole ex wander... and cheat... repeatedly... Because he did the schedule, said he needed his own free time (instead of us time) then disappeared.

So I see, a walk outside, Appetizers and a drink.... A trip to barnes and noble.... even free time at Klay's apartment... as a vital part of our relationship.

Klay has gotten into the habit of being so helpful, that he asking to do chores around my house. Seriously. I have an amazing boyfriend... but, I do not want him to feel that the daily in and out, chores, and weekend burden is his to bear.

So, when I knew he was leaving Sunday evening early, my estrogen filled hormones got the best of me... I cried. I moped. I lost my cool... and just sobbed.

Yep.
I became "THAT KIND OF GIRL".
And then cried harder for becoming her...

I kept apologizing to him for it. I have no reason to be that way. Klay is amazing, our relationship is great... He's so helpful and kind... I just... Well, I'm missing the us time... I am getting worked up over things that happened in the past. That Klay wasn't a part of.

But, the sad part is... Emry, feels the same way, he gets so sad when Klay leaves.
It's really as if the fairy tale ends, and we (emry and I) look at each other, and pout.
One day it'll be a reality... Just not right now... We both have to deal, and to push on.

So when I finally stopped my wallowing, I was able to get my shit together, and Klay got ready to leave. That's when Emry came down the stairs, and pouted at Klay's departure.. I swear, we were in rare form last night... I'm not sure Klay has ever seen the way Emry reacts to his leaving.

And I saw the proverbial line being drawn, between Emry and I... and Klay.

This has been an ongoing problem.
The balance.

And, now, I fear that Klay will hate leaving us on the weekends, for the sheer reason that he thinks we cry it out EVERYWEEKEND. I don't ... Emry does... But, still.. It's to be expected with a kid.
I think I messed up... I think that I put a glitch in the dynamic.... The obvious dynamic of close.. but not that close.

**SIGHS**

I make positive steps every day...
I work towards the life that Emry and I deserve every day...
Patience is key...
Endurance is difficult...
and now...
Sadness needs to be fought off...

3 comments:

  1. Sorry I haven't been by for a while. Why is Klay leaving? Are you guys engaged? With that said, it's a normal thing for a child to miss someone so important in your life. Hope you guys are okay and everything gets figured out!

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  2. Klay and I are still in the dating stage. So from Friday - Sunday he's with us at my place. But during the week (Monday - Thursday), he's at his apartment.

    It's an odd balance.
    I wish he lived with us.
    It's not going to happen though. Not until I get a bigger house.

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  3. Positively normal. I guess the key is in taking a breath, realizing that Klay is there. He's not going anywhere. You don't have to wonder if he wants you or wants to be with you. Your future is already being written. Just relish the present while you can because that time with you and Emry being independent like you are, that's a great experience too. You have more power in a relationship when you know that you can make it on your own too and that you're okay with it. After a period of being alone, sometimes knowing you have someone to count on brings out the baby in us. Women are notorious for being strong until the moment they get comforted and then they finally feel all the fear they didn't allow when they were functioning in emergency mode. You're perfectly normal. If I had a guy like that, I'd cry too when he left.

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