I think that sometimes, I should just cut my losses.
I think that sometimes, I should just stop trying.
New Years Eve isn't anything special in my world.
Mostly it's just a drink wine and watch the crappy New Years Eve Show on TV.
But, last year, for the first time in a while, it was with someone I really loved.
We just had a great time, making fun of the epically bad New Years Eve Show.
Drinking Wine, a little champagne... you know.... Real Relaxed.
Yup. You guessed it.
My father went to his sisters, they are going to a fancy dinner, and hanging out.
Emry is in bed, he cut the inner portion of his lip really bad today, and after we went to dinner (Texas Roadhouse... super yummy.) he went to bed with some Tylenol. His lip is going to be huge tomorrow.
What happened? He fell off his bike and bit down when he landed. Oh Joy. Yup, blood EVERYWHERE.
Girls are less accident prone, at least that's what I am told.
Klay received a beer brewing kit for Christmas.
Klay is home brewing.
7:45p.m. on New Years Eve... and I was stood up to brewing.
What kills me... isn't being passed up for Beer Brewing.
It was Emry at dinner, after he told me that Klay PROMISED he would be back with us before nighttime.
I didn't know this, and perhaps Klay forgot... but, I am very.... adamant about not BREAKING PROMISES TO EMRY. Klay knows that.
I had to use a sentence that I haven't had to use since my ex-husband was a factor in our worlds.
"He probably got held up. We'll see him later."
I know he wasn't held up.
I know he's playing with his new toy.
That isn't a problem.
You shouldn't have promised Emry you'd be back by "nighttime".
You know when Dinner time is in our world.... Just saying.
I came home from Texas Roadhouse hoping Klay's car would be in the driveway.....
Emry didn't notice, his mouth hurt too bad...
And now, I'm sitting... watching repeats of Ghost Hunters, and typing a self loathing post.
I know New Years Eve isn't important after you age out of the need to go to a bar and drink your memory away....
But, family time on a holiday (even one as mild as this one) IS IMPORTANT.
That's when it hits me, even though Klay is a part of our... unit.... he isn't family.
He isn't Emry's father.
He isn't my Husband or Fiance.
He is my boyfriend.
He... for all intensive purposes, is a free agent.
It isn't a big deal, and I am NOT looking for pity here...
I just get disillusioned ....... a lot.
I get lost in the grand mirage that is painted when Klay is around.
And for the past week or so (Christmas to New Years Period roughly the 20th until now) has been FILLED with Klay. He's only been absent 3 days..... TOPS.....
Gets comfortable............. and then..............it isn't anymore.
I am a woman.
I do get emotional.
I am inclined to get a tad clingy.
I HAVE ESTROGEN.
That's kind of what comes with the territory.
At least I can admit to it.
Happy New Years to my Blogging Family.
Going to bed pretty soon... There isn't any reason for me to stay up.