People Just as Crazy as Me

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

Playing House

Last night.
I was tired.
I was overworked.
I came home to Klay and Emry (Klay had picked him up from school.... again...)
I came home to this look on Klay's face...

He looked disinterested.
He looked bored.
(I even told him...asked him if he wanted to go...)

He said he would in a "little while".
Which is a common phrase, sometimes it means a few hours, some times it means 30 minutes. I never know. So, I said okay... but, as soon as I was upstairs giving Emry a bath, Klay appeared to give me a kiss goodnight, and to leave.
I heard him take a phone call while getting the bath ready... and he was almost instantly gone after.
No biggie... Right? I mean, if you got things to do, whatever.

So, I figured picking up Emry had detracted from something else he needed to do.
And since he has volunteered to get him again on Friday, since Emry doesn't have school.. I sent him the following:

"thank you for your help today. I promise after this week I will make better arrangements for Emry. You're not a daycare service/driver."

I got back in response:

"Baby you make a bigger deal out of this than it is. Me watching Emry is a part of our relationship, it's not like it's a problem."

And then I felt something kind of break.

"You watching Emry is a favor you do me. Emry is an extension of our relationship. It is a big deal, and its becoming apparent that I shouldn't lean so heavy on you. You give up a lot of your time to play house with us and that's not fair."

Yup. I typed it, and hated it as soon as it was sent out.... PLAY HOUSE.

Yup, I told him we were playing house.

I got no response.
I haven't sent anything back since.

But, honestly, it's just starting to feel that way, and I should have known better to type when peeved.
  • It is a big deal you take care of my kid for me.
  • It's a big deal to me.
  • And the fact it isn't a big deal to you, sounds nice, but it should be. You are caring for someone else's child, when you, have your own life.
  • Emry being part of our relationship... that got me too.... Yes, he's involved... an extension of it... He comes with the package... But, he's not part of it.... It just seems like Klay doesn't have a choice in the matter....
  • I shouldn't lean so heavy on him. It isn't right, especially when his privacy is his #1 need. Trust me, he has told me how "important" his privacy is, and how much he loves that I respect that.
  • I am losing my mind. My son refers to him as daddy, and when he's there, based on that reason alone, I am becoming blurred. Then Klay leaves, and I have to deal with the same issue of Emry having a coming/going Daddy. Emry chose the word, it wasn't placed on him, he understands that Klay (and I are taking our time).... It's upsetting still.
  • Any way to rectify this, in on permanent hold.....

So, I'm staying quiet.
Because I know I crossed a line, and I know he needs to time to calm before talking to me...

I wish it was all different.
I wish I never was married to that awful man...
I wish somehow Emry was actually Klay's.
I wish that the road I travelled wasn't filled with so much turmoil and drama.

But, alas, none of these things will ever be.
Got to learn to roll with it better.
Need to learn how not to lose my head.

In the end, I'm just a girl.
That's it.

I threw myself under the bus this time...


  1. oh no! I hope you guys figure it all out! I'm sure he'll come round when he's had his space and time to think it through.

  2. We all do that, but I do know one thing. Every new relationship is a clean slate, so trying to read past relationship cues into it or acting the same as in the past really mess up a new and special thing. It's hard to do, but it helps if you aren't on the defense in a new relationship. Simply see yourself as equal partners. There is no imbalance, he certainly gets from you as much as he gives back, so see it as a partnership and not an inequality like in the past. Take a breath. When you write something, reread it and take away all defensive comments. Hey, I'm 49 and still trying to mature. I just take a breath and react as an equal with a simple thank you and realize that is all that is necessary. Men never do appreciate when we tack on a bunch of stuff at the end of a thank you, like when they compliment our looks and we go into how we're too fat or look awful. It lessens the gift they gave us. So, next time he gifts you with a favor, just give him a plain thank you. It gives him recognition for a favor and keeps you from sounding like you're lucky he favors you with anything. Hey, I'm just figuring it out myself and I have nearly twice your age on me.

  3. I wish I had some advice, just wanted to send some hugs to you! I'm sure everything will work out just fine

  4. going through the same sorta thing here... I'm 18, my partner is 21, and i have a 2.5yo son from a previous relationship. my partners parents have been/were/are very pushy that he takes on the roll of 'dad'.. even though my son's bio dad is most defiantly trying his best to be a part of my sons life..
    i started out with the thought that "he should do nothing to help me, because he is not the dad, chris has a dad, and this is meant to be a whole new relationship"
    but then i had to move in with his parents.. at first i needed someone to help me do the routine things (part of why i had to move from my mum's, i had no routine and we couldnt work things out together), they made him help me, and have expected him to do more and more with my son as the few months have gone by - to the point of getting upset if i arrange for my son to stay at my mums house if i need to go away for school, and they wont listen to me if i have a problem with something theyre doing/done...

    now ive been thinking it was really wrong of me to let them do that, because now i *need* his help all the time, hes doing his best to live up to what his parents want, and theyre always going on about needing grandparents rights. i wish i had the time and chance to be able to take our relationship back a bit, and take it a lot slower than how it developed. im angry at both myself and his parents for it, because i feel i have been cheated of being able to make a lasting connection with my partner before being forced into something so much more than what a 21yo and 18yo should be in..

    cant wait to be able to move, but then ive gotta choose.. do i wait for him to be ready to move from them, or go by myself - having to start from scratch again, but by myself?