People Just as Crazy as Me

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Picture Post - I enjoy these.

I kind of like this picture post idea... I get to say alot with amazing artwork.
Let me know how these pictures make you feel.























8/31/2011 - Stomach Virus

I think I am coming down with a stomach virus.
My stomach has been upset, and unsettled for... oh, about 24 hours.

It kept me up last night...... Ugh. *holds stomach trying to comfort it*

NECESSITIES OF MY DAY:
  • 2 tums  (CHECK)
  • Huge glass of water (CHECK CHECK)
  • Bread to absorb the excess stomach acid (CHECK CHECK AND CHECK)
  • Peppermint Tea (CHECK CHECK CHECK CHECK)

I hope that the following will keep my stomach copacetic.

Today, I am trying to stay positive, and trying to move on from the stressful day I had yesterday.

I am not in control of everything, and I cannot be in control of everything.
My responsibility is to my immediate world.... and as long as I can keep that in balance, then I have done my job.

I am overly trusting, and must learn that when I am let down by the deceptive nature of other people, it is not my fault. These moments should not jade me from extending a helpful hand to others.


**SIGHS**

I'm going to make myself a glass of tea.

Until Later People!

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Response to Important Phone Call

On 8/26/2011 - I briefly spoke about "doing the right thing." and an "important phone call" I had to make.

Well, today, I received a phone call back... about this situation..

Long story, short. No names being given.

I became privy to information, that there was abuse going on in some one's home.
Over time, the instances were getting more severe, and started a potentially fatal track.

I called Children and Family Services, after this person gave me the "okay" to help.

The phone call I got today, from the Case Worker... said that "there were no physical bruises", that "everyone seemed happy."

Which means one of two things:
  1. I was lied to, and this person was crying out for attention. And maybe need some help themselves.
  2. The family is so scared, they went into survival mode, against the aggressor... And just lied.
I hate to think I was lied to.
But, I'm also hopeful that in the end help is given for whatever the outcome is.

But, now, that I've done all that I can do... I am done.
I won't ask about the well being of this person.
And will back off.

I did what I felt was right.
And I will not feel sorry for that.

And, if any ramifications should fall on me, for doing the right thing, given the information I was privy too, than I will have to stand my ground.

I hate feeling like the fool.
I hate feeling lied to.

Sad. I'm very sad about this.

FOREVER

This day is taking FOREVER to finish.

I am dreading going home tonight...

I just... am very uneasy with the fact that Klay will be with us all week.

Upon thinking about it... I can't imagine the effect it will have on Emry...

Even though it is the right thing to do... being as which Klay doesn't have any electricity...

Emry has been crying out for this attention... This is the longest a male figure (other than my father) has been in Emry's world. The Ex... well, the only thing Emry knows that he would go far away to work, for long periods of time, then come back... Which has made the transistion easier... since Emry doesn't expect for him to be there anyway.

But, now, with Klay... It's different.

*rolls eyes*

I am just hoping the Klay's electricity is restored before 12a.m. Saturday morning.
That would be wonderful.

I love him.
But, I love Emry more...

Klay is so helpful, understanding, accomodating... and loving. Oh boy, he has the biggest heart I've ever seen. He's really special.

But... it's......  **sighs**
It's not working.

This is taking a toll on Emry.
Maybe being alone is better... than this.
I just don't want to constantly let Emry down.
And, it's not as if we are dangling this relationship in front of him saying, "This is going to be a real family some day"
But in a way... the stability of it.... is detrimental.

HOW SURREAL IS THAT?

HOW WRONG IS THAT?

And to realize it now... almost 2 months away from the year point.... while Klay is temporarily living with us... is killing me.

I just have to breathe.
I just have to take it as it comes...
And wish for the best.

I have always wanted the happy ending.
Even though it's been forever out of reach.

But now... I just want the happy.
No ending.
I just want Emry and I to be happy.

Has this happened to any of you? or friends in this situation?

August 30, 2011 - Tuesday - After Irene

Hello Everybody!

Yesterday was a day off, because of Hurricane Irene, and the destruction it caused to my surrounding area.

Any of you get hit by the storm? If so, how did you and your homes do?

We had some leaking... But, our home was fairly unscathed.

The roads around us.... the power outages... the non existent highways and railroads.... Well, they were another story.

They just opened up the highways today... but, they are not exactly the most travel able. But, yet, here I am, at work.
Some of the railroads are still suspended... since the lines are covered in water.

Klay still doesn't have any power, so yesterday we combined his refrigerator into my refrigerator... So that he wouldn't lose ALL of his groceries.

And Emry is upset... because he didn't see the "TUNNEL HURRICANE".... "it was just windy mama. No hurricane."
I love a child's innocence!

So, for now, expect very short posts... about nothing really....
Well, probably about the fact that Klay is going to live with us, until he gets power... Which is looking like Saturday.
Let me remind everyone, that I recently decided to pull away from that aspect of our relationship... being as which, he isn't ready... I'm not ready, and well... I just don't have enough room to blend his home into my home... nor do I want any added stresses.

But, the right thing to do... was to let him stay with us.

Just hope Emry doesn't get his hopes up.... **SIGHS** We'll see.

Until later.

Friday, August 26, 2011

**SIGHS**

When I was 17... I moved out.
I got out.
Fast.

I've told everyone this before.... please see: INSPIRED

But, I tend to forget.. how hard the world can be... or seem to be... when you are a teenager.

I tend to forget, how even though I got the hell out of dodge... I was scared.

It was a complete change of lifestyle... one a teenager shouldn't have had to face... basically alone.

And, I don't think I ever dealt with that fear.

I am of the mindset... that you just do.... feel it later.... If it's too big, too much to emotionally handle... just do it, and when it's done, then you can feel something about it.

This ability is a strength and a weakness.

Children are asked to grow up way to early now a days... asked to feel and understand way to early.

I want my childhood back.
(Hey don't we all)

But I want it without the abuse.
I want it without the constant feeling of being sub-par, and not worth any one's time.

I want a mother.
STILL TO THIS DAY.
I want a mother.

Not an awesome aunt who listens to everything, and soothes me like a mother.
Not older friends who have all this insight, and can tell me from a mothering perspective.

I WANT A MOM.

I'll never have that.
A lot of people are in this same boat....

But, today.... the day I'm having.... I wish I had my mother to talk to...

But, I don't.
I have a cold, callous, heartless, Satan embodied, waste of space... evil woman... who by blood is biologically my mother.

**sighs**

I want my chunky monkey ice cream...

8/26/11 - Impending Hurricane... Emotional Morning...

Between Saturday and Sunday we will be feeling the brute force of Hurricane Irene.
Reports vary between this being the worst thing in our area in 50 years and others say it may just be a lot of rain.
I am stocking up on our food tonight, implying that our local grocery stores have anything left.
People tend to freak out about the weather, and they stock a months worth of food...
Maybe that means it won't be so bad!
You know, just to spite the people who clear the food shelves for no reason...

So Emry, my dad and I will venture out this evening, and endure the stores together.
I had a nightmare last night, about someone stealing the milk from my cart... and I had to beat them with a loaf of crusty Italian bread to get it back. (I'm sorry, I know my nightmares are surreal, I've been having a couple spoonfuls of Chunky Monkey before bed... I'm addicted....*shrugs*)

----------------

This week at work has been very, very slow.
I haven't had a lot to do...
And the stuff I have done... well took my milliseconds to complete.

But, today, I was thankful for a light workload... I had to make an important phone call.

****WARNING EMOTIONAL MORNING RANT BEGINS IN 5, 4, 3, 2 and...****

1


Sometimes doing the right thing is really hard.
Sometimes you need to do what's right, regardless of the repercussions...

Sometime it takes all of your strength, to stand up as "That Voice" and make sure that you're heard, regardless of how people will look at you and preceive you.

I feel that I am always that voice.
I feel like I'm one of the few people, who will not let bad shit happen to good people... or let bad shit happen in general.

I am the woman in the store... who notices the woman beating on her kids... and says something... while other people just walk by in shock.
I am the woman who will not let major shit... just slide.

I should have been an activist, of some sort....
I got a lot to say.... as this blog obviously shows.

**rolls eyes**

I'm nauseaus over this. Sometimes doing the right thing... leaves your stomach in knots.

**SIGHS**

Just got to keep moving.

Thursday, August 25, 2011

JIM CARREY - HAVE WE ALL WATCHED THIS?



I know he says it's a joke...
But, MY GODS, ISN'T IT CREEPY?

Thursdacap: Thursday- Recap DUH!

Nothing has happened.
Nothing of importance.

The weeks have been spent trying to figure out coverage for Emry, on those days during the school year, when he doesn't have school, but I have work.

Trying to save up those sick days and personal days.... that's the only plan.

And gods forbid what happens during the winter... with the darn SNOW.

-------------------

Having a hard time typing today...

I'm concerned... for someone I know...

My mama instincts are kicking in... and all I want to do is help...

**sighs**

Help can only be given, if the other person REALLY wants the help... and tells you what help they will ACCEPT.

Otherwise, it's futile, isn't it?

---------------------------

I got into a commenting war, with the most INFURIATING person yesterday...
I love how people can be so judgemental from behind a computer...
And you know, that if you were to meet this person in real life, they wouldn't have such balls.
They'd quietly walk away...
All type NO VOICE.
If they really wanted their voice heard, then we would hear more every day people discussing things in public.
And, you know when you have won a commenting war WHEN, the person starts picking AT YOU. They know longer have any opinion on the SUBJECT AT HAND... only with trying to tear YOU DOWN.
That's usually when I stop commenting.... It's no longer a debate... if all you're going to do is mudsling.

-----------------------

AHhhhhhhhhhhhh.
Little venting is cathartic.

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

WHATEVER WEDNESDAYS!

You must be asking, "What is WHATEVER WEDNESDAYS?!"

Well... It's funny.... I just made it up.... So, I think it's WHATEVER THE HECK I WANT IT TO BE! Dag-nabbit!

Heeheee.

Just kidding.

Whatever Wednesdays, is kind of an homage to everything going on in the world... Not just my world... But, the actual world around me.

I want Wednesday points, to start with something directly affecting my world... and then I'm plan to branch out and see how it affects the world around me....

So, let me start with this:



This is my father. (He's in his Pirate Garb from the Ren Faire)

Now, I was privileged enough to grow up in a household with a mother and father.
However, I was hindered because I had a mother, who like to bad mouth my father... to us.
So, I kind of grew up thinking my dad was a work-aholic... because he didn't love any of us.

I know better now.
My dad is a great man.

Now, what's my point?
Not everyone has a father... or sometimes even a father-figure.

My sons sperm donor had a chance to be a wonderful father, if he just tried to be... We are lucky enough that a father-figure... a positive male role model, is found in his grandfather (my dad) and in Klay.

I never wanted to be in this situation.. I never wanted my son to be that kid from a broken home.
But, then I learned... it's not broken... Love is love... Not all families are.... the cookie cutter version.

So, when I hear from people:

"Well, he doesn't have a father, so it's hard for him."

or

"I never had a father, so I really don't know how to be a father."

or

"I act this way, because I never had a father teaching me how to be a man."

or

"I act out because I'm angry about my family situation."



When I hear these things... it makes me angry.

If you live day in and day out saying the what-ifs... and the because I don't have.... You miss the beauty that your life could be if you just let it.

A father doesn't make (or in some situations break) a family.
A family is a family due to love, and committment to eachother.

But studies say this:

A father is known as a man who exercises paternal care over other people.[2][3] Most fathers are naturally protective, supportive, and responsible and are able to provide a number of significant benefits to themselves, their communities, and their children.[4] Involved fathers offer developmentally specific provisions to their sons and daughters throughout the life cycle and are impacted themselves by their doing so.[5] Active father figures have a key role to play in reducing behavior problems in boys and psychological problems in young women.[6] For example, children who experience significant father involvement tend to exhibit higher scores on assessments of cognitive development, enhanced social skills and fewer behaviour problems.[7][8][9] An increased amount of father–child involvement has also proven to increase a child's social stability, educational achievement, and even their potential to have a solid marriage as an adult. The children are also more curious about the world around them and develop greater problem solving skills.[10] Children who were raised without fathers perceive themselves to be less cognitively and physically competent than their peers from father-present families.[11] Mothers raising children without fathers reported more severe disputes with their child. Sons raised without fathers showed more feminine but no less masculine characteristics of gender role behaviour.[12]

Father Factor in Incarceration - Even after controlling for income, youths in father-absent households still had significantly higher odds of incarceration than those in mother-father families. Youths who never had a father in the household experienced the highest odds. A 2002 Department of Justice survey of 7,000 inmates revealed that 39% of jail inmates lived in mother-only households. Approximately forty-six percent of jail inmates in 2002 had a previously incarcerated family member. One-fifth experienced a father in prison or jail.
• Father Factor in Crime - A study of 109 juvenile offenders indicated that family structure significantly predicts delinquency. Adolescents, particularly boys, in single-parent families were at higher risk of status, property and person delinquencies. Moreover, students attending schools with a high proportion of children of single parents are also at risk. A study of 13,986 women in prison showed that more than half grew up without their father. Forty-two percent grew up in a single-mother household and sixteen percent lived with neither parent. (Fathers and Daughters).
• Father Factor in Child Abuse - Compared to living with both parents, living in a single-parent home doubles the risk that a child will suffer physical, emotional, or educational neglect. The overall rate of child abuse and neglect in single-parent households is 27.3 children per 1,000, whereas the rate of overall maltreatment in two-parent households is 15.5 per 1,000.
• Father Factor in Drug and Alcohol Abuse - Researchers at Columbia University found that children living in two-parent household with a poor relationship with their father are 68% more likely to smoke, drink, or use drugs compared to all teens in two-parent households. Teens in single mother households are at a 30% higher risk than those in two-parent households.
• Father Factor in Education - Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.

And so on, and so forth.

I call BULLSHIT on this one......

Yes, I know these are the numbers, and the statistics....and yada yada... but I call BS.

(or maybe I'm just being naive...hey, it could happen.)

Your kid... whether they come from a Two-Parent or One-Parent (be it mother or father) home... will turn out bad... if you aren't raising them.

Yes, as we mature, from child to teenager... we get our own set of balls... however, children who were taught how to act... Will act to the best of their teenage ability.

  • Every kid skips school (at least once)
  • Every kid will have an attitude once the hormones kick in
  • Every kid will fail (at least) one test.
  • Every kid will have good and bad days.
However, they will even out... if they have received the right guidance and parenting.

I believe these statistics are flawed... because of weak parents... think since they got screwed out of a partner (for one reason or another)..... don't have to compensate their parenting.

"He/She didn't stay around, that's why I'm a crappy parent"

Not me. Not my son.
We are a family. We are surrounded by blood (and not blood family)... We have support (sometimes not a lot, but when it's not from other people, we support ourselves)

We will not be a statistic.

----------------------------

First:

What do you think of "Whatever Wednesdays" ?
Do you have a topic for next week?
How do you feel about the above statistics?
How do you feel about my opinion on the subject?

Second:

Has everyone seen my awesome BLOGGER BUTTON?
You should add it to your blogs... you add mine, and I'll add yours!!!

Please help me get my voice out!


Until laterfriends!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Yahoo Article Tuesday - Do Not Read This If You Are Hungry... It will only make you hungrier!

BEST PIZZA! OMG LOOK AT THESE PICTURES!

I could not believe some of these pictures, their ingredients and how much it made my stomach grumble.

I must admit, I love me a slice of a good pizza.

There is a place just north of us, called Grimaldi's, and they... HAVE... THE BEST pizza in our area. HANDS DOWN.

Interesting toppings, and everything is so fresh!

Klay and I went their for dinner once, and I am still dreaming about the pizza we had.

We got, Grilled Chicken, Pesto, and Garlic... And they brought it out and placed the tray in the middle of our table.

I am embarassed to say this... We ate the whole pie... and had dessert....

I felt bad for our waitress, because everytime she came to see how it was, we were shovelling the slices in our mouth, like ravenous wolves!
We would mummble and nod... and she would walk away looking very frightened....

Like Zombies eating human flesh.. That's how we were acting!!!

Then we wobbled back to our car... Why wobble? Because we couldn't walk, we were so full of deliciousness.

Due to our.... Zombie like behavior... we have waited a while to go back... But, we are certainly due I think, and upon reading (more viewing than reading, but you get it!) this article, we are going back.... SOON.

MmmmmMmmmm Pizza!!

**looks at clock, ugh, 2 hours until lunch... and I don't have pizza... SHIT!**

What about the rest of you?
What foods drive you wild?
Have you ever tried your favorite dish at a new restaurant and been disappointed?
Do you need your *insert food name here* all the time?
Your kids completely hate your favorite food?

COME ON PEOPLE, FOOD IS AWESOME!! LET'S TALK ABOUT THIS!!!!

(Can you tell I'm starving now???)

Until Later Everyone!!!

Image Detail
(My heaven.. just saying)

Monday, August 22, 2011

Music Mondays - Bad Meets Evil - (Eminem ft. Bruno Mars) Lighters


Okay before you all stop following me... Let me get my point across!
**Giggles**

I heard this song on the radio, and kind of dug it... Thinking it was another cute poppy "song" from Bruno Mars, I turned it up... He's slightly annoying, but his songs can be catchy.. And, then, Eminem started to rap.
I kind of had a "Despicable Me" minion moment, where I looked at the radio and went "Whaaaaa?"



After the song was over, the name of the group was "Bad Meets Evil".
So, I now, made the "HUH" noise.

I don't really keep up with a lot of todays music.. but, I have surely never heard of this group before, and I swore I heard Eminem.. he has a distinct sound. And, for a rapper, you can actually understand what he's saying... All in all, I think he's a gem in the rap community.... everyone else is... mummbly... and well, they don't make sense to me. Just saying.

But, since I was confused... I had to look it up:
---------------------------------

NOW A WORD FROM WIKIPEIDA:

Bad Meets Evil is an American hip hop supergroup from Detroit, Michigan that consists of rappers Royce da 5'9" and Eminem. They are best known for collaborating on a self-titled song that appeared on Eminem's major-label debut album The Slim Shady LP in 1999, their early association with Dr. Dre and his label Aftermath Entertainment, and their hit EP Hell: The Sequel.

Bad Meets Evil split up in early 2000s, after Royce fell out with Eminem's group, D12. They have since reunited and released their EP Hell: The Sequel on June 14, 2011, which debuted at number 1 in the Billboard 200 charts. Final numbers for the first week sales of the EP were 171,000 via Sound Scan.

-------------------------------------

And that is what I learned.
So, I wasn't necessarily wrong.. but, I was then left with the urge to ask, "Why?"
Why is it necessary to form a "super group" (I think that's a little strongly titled... it's okay....not SUPER.)
Why couldn't it be Eminem and Royce da 5'9 ft. Bruno Mars?

Seems a little silly to me.

It's like they are a recess club.
You know what I mean?
Y'all hang out at recess, the same group, and then one day... "WE SHOULD BE A CLUB! LET'S MAKE UP A NAME!"

It's a grown up version of that.

Just saying.

The song is kind of catchy though... a little narcissistic... but catchy

Friday, August 19, 2011

Friday

Hey everyone.

I think yesterday, my alter-ego, the PMS-Y one, wrote and dictated my world.

I was just viscious yesterday.

And as my alter-ego started to take hold.... I felt myself, on the inside screaming for help.
"She's taking control! Someone Save me!"

And... who was it? Who saved me?

Emry... and is absolutely ability to by 100000% cute when I need him to be.

He did nothing special or off the wall.. he just was.... Emry.
With the goofy faces, and the "just one more huggies mama...and a kiss..... another hug."

He's a good kid.
Really special.

Even so, I think I am going to hang low this weekend, just have a me weekend.
I think I deserve it.

And plus, tonight, I have to tackle.... Emry's Closet.

You know, it's that time of the year, when I weed out the old, small clothes, and put in the new/hand me down correctly sized clothes.

I think I have to buy him new hangers.
Not that there is anything wrong with his hangers... they just are starting to be too small to accomodate the neckline, or hold the pants on... He's getting so big.

So, this event... usually takes.... a couple hours.
I make sure that the stuff we have no use for anymore is decent enough to donate.
With the donate pile, I wash it, and fold it.
The stuff that is just too disgusting to donate... whether it be stained, or just washed too much.... Goes in the garbage.

Then I have to hang everything back up.
Make room.
Try and see where things fit best.

Since Emry's room is so small, we did a "closet build-out". It's a closet and a dresser. Helps save some space in his room.

So, we'll see how that goes.

What about you guys?
Any Fall cleaning rituals?

Thursday, August 18, 2011

If I told you....

You ever have one of those days?
The days you wish everything would just catch on fire?
*shakes head*
Well, it's actually not that severe...
But, it's a bad day.

I feel as if I am working backwards.... and that in 2 hours and 10 minutes, I will not begin my drive home to pick up Emry, rush dinner, and then put him and me to bed. For him this would be his bedtime, and I would just choose to go to bed that early... So I could erase this day.

This day has been so bad, that I am certain, that I will spend my weekend at home... alone... doing nothing.
I am in that BAD of a mood.

I don't want to go out with the family to the Renaissance Faire.
I do not want to go to the grocery store.
I do not want to do any cleaning.

I am on top of my shit, all the time... I need a day to take care of me!

And, since I am always worried about my dad getting with Emry, and worried that Klay is going to be sent running because Emry is a 100% 24/7 energy beacon... I'm going to get my sister to watch him. Even if it's for HALF THE DAY. I need to be on my own.

If I told you how awful today was, at work,my body, and in my head, AND in my email correspondence with my ex... you wouldn't believe me.
You would say, "Kateri, there is no way one woman could have all that shit happen to her in one day. It's impossible."

Trust me.
It is possible.
I know, because I am living this day.

I need to get through the rest of today and tomorrow's day of work... then I am on strike for 24 hours.



Thursday Recap and perhaps some Venting about life in general

Emry and I made sugar cookies last night.
We put food coloring in them and made them look pretty funky.
Cut shapes out with a pizza cutter.

It was a good amount of fun.

When Klay came by last evening, he said that I should have told him we were making cookies. That he would have came over and helped.

I didn't tell him for a reason.

Fears creeping in.

Emry is starting to have a negative effect to my relationship with Klay.
He loves him too much. He wants him around too much, and there's nothing he can do to speed up the process. He sobbed about it the other day. He wants Klay to live with us.

Klay isnt ready for that. Klay needs his own space. He's entitled to it.

I can't quick fix this for my kid, so, silently... I guess I've decided that may be Emry and I should do more "mama and monster time" and less of the "family time"

I thought the family time was having a positive effect. Obviously it was having TOO MUCH of a positive effect... because now Emry wants it all the time.  So now the oober positive effect has turned detrimental.

I got to do what's best for my son.
I'm just so torn about it.
But, in my heart I know, that my love for my son, out weighs the love I can have for anyone else.

I'm not saying I'm going to break up with Klay... But, I think I should focus more on my son... until either Klay wants to move forward and perhaps move in... or we decide that this isn't working anymore.

What kind of time limit do I have on this? I don't know really.... another 9 months? That seems like an acceptable time period.

This hurts to do.
I don't want Klay to feel like I'm distancing myself, but, in actuality, I have to.

I can't have the fact that Emry is crying out (literally) for a father, that I can't provide, just because I'm in love.

Emry is a little boy, and even though he is wicked perceptive, he's still too little to understand everything.

Still sucks though.

-------------------------------------------------

LIFE IN GENERAL VENT

Why is it we are a country, that sends aid all over the fucking world... to help people dying and starving.. but we can't help the people in our own backyards?

Why is it that we as a country, make our people jump through a million hoops, just to get a smidgen of help, and if another country screams famine or drought.... $100 million dollar (we don't have and was stolen anyway) of aid goes to that country?

It isn't fair.
It isn't right.

I am fed up.

I had a sleepless night last night, because of these thoughts.

Our President preached about helping our country.
WHERE IS THE HELP?

WHY ARE THERE CHILDREN IN OUR COUNTRY HOMELESS AND STARVING?
WHY ARE THE PARENTS WHO ARE SCREAMING AND CRYING FOR HELP NOT GETTING ANY?
WHY CAN'T ANYONE JUST DO THE RIGHT THING?


I'm the person, that if I have even a little room, I will make it work, if it gets you out of sleeping of your car.
I have let many a friend sleep on my couch, eat my food, use my computer... 
BECAUSE IT WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO.

Why can't these agencies who preach, "We help the poor, we help the needy" DO WHAT THEY SAY THEY ARE GOING TO DO.

So angry.
So disappointed in our country.
Afraid for Emry's future.

Have a good day people.
Hope and Pray for a better tomorrow... and a better day after that.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Wednesday - I tried

I have tried to think of something to type today.
I have perused everyones blogs, and loved what I read.
Then, I would try and write.
Absolutely nothing.
I have nothing to say today.

SO... I think.... I want to send everyone some love:
Image Detail

I hope everyone is doing well, and I promise there will be something tomorrow.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

ANIMAL KINGDOM!

This image provided by Instituto Nacional de Pesquisas da Amazonia shows a giant anteater in Manaus, Brazil, and is one of almost 52,000 photos of 105 mammal species taken as part of the first global

Ant eater!!!!!!!!

I'm sorry I thought it was a funny and cute pic!

<3 Ant eaters!!!

and platypi

Image Detail

AWWWW!

okay, I am done!

Yahoo Tuesday - There are small miracles in this world

Ding! Dong! The witches show is dead. Wicked Witch. Witch is gone!
Yes, I am writing a post about the Kate plus 8 show being cancelled.
And, I apologize to anyone who actually enjoyed this show.

Let me start by saying, when this show was "John and Kate Plus 8"... and was in it's first few seasons, I watched it. It actually gave me hope.

How? Well, if those two could handle 8 kids, then I surely could handle one. Emry, is the first baby I have ever been around, and he was my baby. So, as you can probably tell, I was freaking out!!!! (And, yes, I still do freak out about parenting... but, that's normal.)

However, as the 8 children started to get older, I started pulling away from the show... It seemed that they did not have a normal childhood. And, were acquiring very poor attributes. (IE: Narcissism) Those kids would be all up in the camera, and the older ones started preeming themselves for it. Too weird for me.

And Kate. . . . I have never liked her. I don't "know" her, but just the energy I perceive... wasn't good.
As the seasons progressed, she stopped looking like the mother of 8 children, and more like a socialite.
It kind of made me sick.

John didn't seem to be a saint either... but, I really feel that her personality type left no room for compromise.
You never hear anything about him anymore, I hope he sees his adorable children as much as he can.

When their marital whoa's started falling over into the show, the show should have ended.
Their marriage and family should have been more important than the show.
I imagine TLC, would have been upset if they needed to take a break, but I'm sure they would have understood. However, the camera's stayed in place, and we all watched a family break... on national television.

I stopped watching right about then.
My curiousty was told to mind it's business, and I just hoped that these kids wouldn't suffer.

I think a lot of people tuned off after the show became a painful divorce reality show.

Then it became KATE PLUS 8... and I swear, I heard about it through the grapevine, and threw up in my mouth a little.

This woman insists her children are comfortable with this lifestyle.
I honestly think the children know, that their opinions don't count when it comes to their mother.

But, now... that it's cancelled.
Let these kids have a pseudo normal existence.

I wonder if she has saved enough money to get them by?
I wonder what the plan is now?
Will she get a job?
Who will help her with these children?

Once again, "Curiosity, take backseat."

These children are important....
And, I hope every measure is taken so that they can have a happy life.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Music Mania Monday - Ever Clear

"Father of Mine"






So, today's Music Mania Monday is brought to you by "Absentee Father Wanna Be's Everywhere".

If you recall on 8/8/2011, 6/24/2011 and numerous previous posts, were about the Sperm Donor not being able to be a father, or accepting any of his responsibilities to his son.

Well, he after almost 2 months of "I'll write you a commitment to my son" I get the following:

"i would like to take Emry every weekend that i dont have drill weekend, depending on what time i get home from work i will work with you to pick him up on fridays after i get out, i will not cancel on him for any reason other than an emergency, i would make sure he and I spend as much time as possible, starting Aug 28 i can take him that weekend and every weekend in september since i dont have drill, i dont have the drill schedule for next yr as soon as i get it i will fill in the dates that i have drill, i really want to see Emry and i dont want to argue with you about anything anymore, if you have any questions call and we can discuss things i really want to see Emry on a regular basis"

Yeah. That's what I got.
Now, I want to remind everyone, that I had specific things I wanted listed in this commitment... a few of them were met... but not all of them. But, yet, this is a letter, this is kind of what I asked for.

So, as promised, I considered his request.
And had some key points and things that needed to be answered.
In short, I was asking for a written response to these concerns... I got a text, asking for a phone conversation about them.

GRRR! HEY LOSER I WANT A WRITTEN ACCOUNT OF ALL OF THIS WE CAN NOT HAVE A PHONE CONVERSATION.

So, we'll see if I get an emailed response to my email. I never do.

So, EverClear came to mind as soon as this interaction popped up.

I really think Emry is going to be that kid.... Who is going to have all these questions for his father, that will always remain unanswered.

I keep trying, because I'm stupid I am hopeful that one day the Ex will want to be a father, and that's important to a child.
Even though Klay, I hope, one day will be an amazing dad. But, I will never get to ahead of myself
(BTW: Klay and I had the conversation about what it meant for Emry to call him the "d" word. And, I think we have reached a consensus on what to do in that situation.)
One day, when Emry is old enough, I want to be able to show him all of this and say, "Honey, mama tried, for you."
I don't want him to turn around one day and say that I pushed his real father away.
All I am asking for is a commitment to his son, and some effort.
That isn't so hard.

I want to say that even though I was married, I was a single parent... I had no support.
I got divorced, and really have been a single parent.
Now with Klay... I feel almost like I am not alone anymore.
There is support.
It's amazing and I am so appreciative that the universe gave me some time to be supported!

I know in the end, regardless of the Exes attempt or lack there of... I will have family and friends to support me through this path of parenthood.

And that's great.

Come on Friends and Confidants, what are your opinions?

Friday, August 12, 2011

Friday- Picture Post

I kind of enjoyed doing a Photo Post.
What does everyone else think?
I feel it gets my emotion across.. without saying anything at all.

Enjoy!
---------------

Friday Poetry

I wrote you a letter,
that I know you'll never read.
Told you how scared I was,
Afraid that I'll never be
The one who did right by you,
and gave you all that was in me.

I wrote how backwards it all felt,
how I felt lost in the shuffle.
How hard I push to be this person
That would never, ever crumble.
This road we walk, is ever cluttered
with debris of the past
I wish this picture isn't shattered
by things that weren't made to last.

I hid alone in my bed last night
Trying to find a way
To rest my eyes and ease this plight
Not a word spoken
Silence met my ears
Somehow wishing to be awoken
by anything resembling you.

Now I'm calmer
Rest did me well
In this day I feel warmer
Now that this mood has gone away.

But silent I'll stay
This is who I am
Embarassed to need space
Craving nothing more than a happy end.

---------------------------------------------------

Happy Friday all!

PMS is just about conquered.
Laid in bed as soon as Emry was in his.

I never used to get so... hormonoal before a cycle.
But, since I had my son, it's been.... INTENSE.... more so this year.

I HATE BEING A WOMAN!

Grrr... Argggg....

-----------------------------------

Bound to my desk chair, and I am already counting down the moments to 4p.

Some how I managed to save an extra $238.00 this month.
So, I was able to pay a bill I didn't think I had funds for.
I guess it's going to be okay.
I just have to live oober frugal, until I get back on top.

----------------------------------

Since money woes, are a personal thing.... I don't mean to pry BUT:
Does anyone have any saving advice?
Or any funny stories about ways you cut back, in order to save?

-----------------------------------

Probably write again later.
But, until then.

**HUGS**

Thursday, August 11, 2011

2nd Thursday - Picture post




Hormones out of control
Feeling very insecure today.
Lack of sleep doesn't seem to be helping.
Enjoy the photo art.

I want to crawl into a hole today.

Thursday: **ROLLS EYES**

I didn't sleep a wink last night.
I tossed and turned.
Turned on the A/C
Turned off the A/C
Got a light blanket
Got a heavier blanket
Moved the pillows around
Laid on top of three of the pillows
Threw two pillows off the bed.
Looked at the clock... every hour.
Watched the nightlights dance on my ceiling.
Unplugged the nightlights.
Lit a sage insense.
Got a glass of water.

And still... nothing.
No sleep.

And now, I'm at work.
Completely over tired.
But at least it is PAY DAY.


Oh wait, that doesn't even count.
I have bills.... and a mortgage.... and gas to put in the car.

PAY DAY SUCKS TOO!

What a world.

So, they are looking to remake Dirty Dancing. So on the article, I commented:

Comment from Kateri Von Steal


Does anyone see the amount of people that liked it.
I was ASTOUNDED.

For two reasons:
  1. I have never had such a well received comment
  2. It has to be the shortest comment I have ever written
I should have spammed my blog info in there... You know, I bet yahoo webmasters wouldn't say anything, or comment something snotty (YES I AM STILL BITTER!)

Well.
Talk to everyone later.

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

Second Wednesday Post - IDOL

When I was a teenager, I was heavy into Hardcore Techno Music.
I absolutely loved the distortion, the combination of different beats and tones, and overall the way it made me felt.
I could jump around and dance. I could feel the emotion, and thus got any aggression or hurtful emotion out. It was one of the only positive outlets I had.
When I hit 18 years old, I was quite drawn to one DJ, DJ Omar Santana. Listen here:

He really got to me. It struck me. So, one day, I started hitting up his Myspace (Yeah, do you all remember Myspace?). I told him how much his music helped me, aided my daily life.
I reached out one day, when he posted, that he really missed a home cooked meal. I replied, that I lived 45 minutes away, and promised to cook him a real Italian Home Cooked Meal. And, that he could check out my property for a possible Rave site. Where I lived, I had 13 acres of grassy area. It was unused, we never did anything with it.
This, at that time, was my musical idol. Really, I wanted to pick his brain, I wanted to see where he got his ideas from. I was very interested.
To my surprise, he responded to my Myspace email. 2 weeks later, my idol, was in my dining room, eating dinner. I was able to pick his brain, we discussed music, we discussed his journeys and how it inspired him… It was wonderful. And the point is, he didn’t have to do it. But, he did. He appreciated and loved all of his fans.
I bet you’re curious, if he ever through I rave in my backyard. Nope. We had to get the proper permit from the town, and my small little town, was not interested. Not in the slightest. So, no permit, no rave. *sad music plays*
Now, I bet you’re now asking, “Kateri, why are you writing about this today?”
Well, today, my blog idol… kind of shit on me. Well, to give him/her the benefit of the doubt… and the respect he/she deserves… He/She shat (is that even a word?) on me, then took it back, but left the shit stain in its place.
Needless to say, I feel sullied and unusual about this.
Let me tell y’all about it.
(SIDENOTE: Yes, for a Northerner I use y’all a lot… one of my favorite words.)
Let’s be honest, 90% of us, if not all of us small bloggers… Do mindless, self-serving blog plugs on other blogs… at one time or another. We are all trying to expand, in one of the many ways we know how.
No harm, no foul right?
We all use the blog “CommentLuv”, on other peoples blog sites… Even though, sometimes it doesn’t work… Meh, I don’t get it either. But, I’ll put the link to my blog, or even the most recent blog URL… Basically the same thing right?
Well, today, I asked my blog idol to read, and comment… like I normally do. I value his/her opinion, and I am always wishing for a response. I never get usually get one. But TODAY, in my inbox, I got a comment on my blog from this IDOL.
I grinned, hell, I had a huge grin. I was excited. SO FREAKING EXCITED. I clicked on my comment mail, and I was met with:
“Hey chica, I really, really appreciate your comments over at <insert blog name>. Could you please keep from spamming about your own blog when you do? Commentluv is installed so that you can post a link to your most recent blog post, please leave it at that.

Sorry I tried to find a way to contact you besides leaving a comment, but I couldn't find one. Feel free to delete this. Thanks!”
Now, yeah, it was polite. I appreciate that it was polite. But, let me tell you… My face went from Smiling TO Mouth Gaping wide open TO frowing TO near tears. (I’m a woman, what do you expect).
Yeah, I get you couldn’t get in touch with me in any way shape or form. But, maybe, since you had time to click on my link… you could have, oh I don’t know read the blog too, and separately commented on it? Or better yet, if you couldn’t find a way to contact me, responded to my comment on your page, and I would have taken note.
Nope. Hopes Raised. Hopes Crashed all the way down. Sad KATERI!
So, I responded, by emailing him/her:
“Just one more thing... since my last reply to you wasn't really an acceptable response, to the lackluster comment you left.
I have emailed you, and asked for your feedback via comment.. on more than one occasion.
I know you are busy.
I know you have an amazing son you are trying to raise....
I understand these and respect you for doing it.
So I try to make my comments on your page, noticed... so that maybe one day, you'd tell me what my little blog looks like to you.
Someone, I follow, and respect.
It hurts, that the first comment I ever got from you was... Don't spam my blog.
Even though you said it in the most polite way possible.
You couldn't even take the time to tell me what you thought... I wonder how the Novice Blogger in you feels about that.
So, keep writing an amazing blog.
And I won't bother commenting, because I now know, that it's pointless.
I'll just take notes on what I read, how it's written, how it's displayed...
And do what I can to make my blog, just as epic.
I love your writing.
Don't get me wrong, I understand your concern, and I didn't see it as a problem.
Now that I know, I won't do it.
I really have tried to use that CommentLuv thingy... it never does anything.
I don't get the "Check out my recent post" thing, everyone else does.
But, that's my problem and mine alone.
You won't reply.
But, at least I got it out there.”

Now, I tried to be as polite and objective as possible. But, as a hormonal woman, I can see if this was read with a tone.

I was, and am still hurt by this… HENCE: this post.

I expected some criticism on the blog, or a nice job, or you have potential. I got nothing.

(I want to note, I got a reply, told me to keep commenting, and that he/she has no life, since his/her blog is so big. Explained to me how to use the commentluv button worked... and said I was super… Nice gesture, didn’t have to do it… but still…I bet when this person was a new blogger, any advice would have been great. Too busy… can’t help the little blogger out… I get it.)

So how do I proceed? Where do I go from here?

Nowhere. I stay where I am. I do what I’m doing. Because in the end, this blog is for me, parents like me, and for anyone who just is trying to pick though this horrible exercise that is life.

I will continue to ask for advice and help from people who do not take their internet stardom for granted, and remember what it’s like to be the new “kid” in town.

I will continue to read this amazing blog, but will not comment, or even “commentluv” anything. I’m done.

I’m embarrassed, and hurt.
So there you have it my PMS rant of the day.

 Any of you ever been knocked down a peg or two by someone you held to high esteem?
Any “Woo-Sah” Calming Comments???
ANY MIDOL OUT THERE?