People Just as Crazy as Me

Friday, September 30, 2011


Hunting Dog Hunting Fox

Caption should read from the dog's perspective:

"I smell a fox... where is that fox... he's close. yeah yeah yea..... I'm goin' to find me-a fox."

From the fox's thoughts:

"You fucking moron. I'm going to follow you forever, just to mess with your head."

Friday x 2 - 9/30/11

Hello All.

Today has been filled with copious amounts of filing.
I mean I have been filing for about 6 of the 8 hours I work.

No Joke.

I was driving home yesterday, and I had an encounter... when I thought I saw...
Well,  I dare not say his name, it's like the "Candy Man" or "Bloody Marie" mentality...
You say it and he appears.

I swear.
Cross my heart.

The first thing I noticed was the car.
And as I entered the roundabout to go home, I slowed just to see if it was.... said person.
I couldn't tell.

But,  I have a hunch it was.
This car, that only had one car between us...
Gave me SO much distance between the pack of cars we were all in...
That it was blatently obvious.. I didn't see him... But, he most certainly saw me.

I continued on my ride home, praying that he stayed far behind, and that I was being over paranoid.

But, I don't think I am.

Do you think I am?


You do?!


Just kidding... get the joke?

Ah well...
Life goes on I suppose.
Whether we want it to or not.

But, now, I am curious if I will see the car again...
I haven't seen it on my ride to/from work... in a very, very long time.

No big deal.
It's a roadway.
Our county isn't that big.
There's a chance we may run close to eachother... from time to time.

I distance myself away from people who aren't a good fit for my lifestyle.
For one reason or another.
Whether it be who or what they surround themselves with.
Whether it be the way they speak to me and others.
Whether or not, they completely lack touch with reality.

You know, the stuff we all normally distance ourselves and our children from.


It's Friday.
Which means the weekends here.
Which means nothing in the life of an adult.

I got serious cleaning to do tonight.
I have got to clean the carpets on the first floor tomorrow.
My ex-mother-in-law, will be bringing my ex-nephew (what's the proper term for that one?) to see Emry on Sunday.

Oh yeah... sounds like a swell weekend.

Sounds like I'll get a real break in there...


But, tomorrow notes, October 1, 2011.
Which means.... 10 days until my birthday.


And my birthday follows a 3.5 day weekend.
Yeah I said it w-0-0-t.

Anyone have any real plans for the weekend?


Please tell me that I'm not the only one going WTF here.

This has to be the stupidest PETA outcry EVER.

They called it Necrophilia, and Porn....

I'm not surprised.

PETA people are WEIRD



1st Time MAMA
My Husband Ate all the Icecream.

I'm not sure if it's my work computer...or if blogger has decided to hate me...

But, know this, I have been reading, and trying to comment... to no avail...

Sometimes they go through, sometimes they don't


Thursday, September 29, 2011

Thursday Recap - 9/29/11

I'm still a little...

So, my recap may turn into a vent spree again.

Just a warning.


My boss is away this week, next week, and a good portion of the week after.

I have been trying to keep myself busy...
But you know...
Sometimes it's hard to LOOK busy.


Emry has decided that he wants to be the "good guy" from tronlassy... (for my non-mom's that's kidspeak for Tron Legacy).

The costume needed the helmet and we had to order it from the UK... It's going to start out looking like this:
Tron Child. Size : Large

Cute right?
Well.. it isn't done when it comes in the door.

It needs to "glow".... says Emry.

So we are going to adhere blue glow necklaces to it... lining where the silver is.

And, the mask needs to be "dark, but glow too mama"

So, we are going to add a light weight visor to the mask, and tint it with cheapo car tint from Wal-mart.
Then we will add the tiny mouth sized light sticks to either side... so it will GLOW...

I will post what it looks like when completed.

We have a whole month to figure it out... hopefully it ships and is received by the 11th.

That would be swell.

I'm so glad he wants to be something really cool.. and not... THOMAS the tank engine... I have had my fill of Thomas.
He is such a spoiled grandchild.


My poor living room has to deal with this overflow.

It's why I have to clean and straighten up every day.

So.. Klay, Dad, my sister, and I... are going to work together to take care of this costume debacle.

Can't wait to see how it develops.
I'm excited to do some work on it.

This week I was supposed to have a girl venting night with my friend Lissa, unfortunately due to financial woes, neither one of us can really get over to see each other... Not having a lot of money SUCKS.

I really need to have a glass of wine, and a gal night to let all this stuff out verbally.
Not that this outlet isn't good enough.. but you know... sometimes yelling really helps.

This morning... I received an email..... and I replied.
The message... from that little girls' mother....
Lost for words.
I forwarded it on to the agency..
Nothing rude, nothing wrong written.. but, just... not necessary.
I just want it documented that I did not contact anyone!


I'm still getting over the emotional backlash that this incident has brought to my life.
I'm still trying to see why on earth fate sent this to me... Why the gods think they should place this in my life....
Maybe to show me that I have not recovered from my past?
That I have only pushed it aside... and swallowed it.

To teach me that I am still too trusting?

I want nothing more than to wash this situation away.
I want nothing more than to move on..

But, something in me won't let me get passed this.

Time will let it happen.
Just like before.



This week has been quite at home.
Since my friend Lissa and I were constantly scheduling girl time, Klay has stayed at his apartment.
I only saw him last night for a little bit, because he picked up Emry from a scheduled county wide emergency release drill... Just another excuse to kick the kids out early...

They are in the process of building this foam pirate ship... it has a million pieces, and Klay is doing most of the work.. while Emry sits by and watches.... Klay let's him help with little constructions, but since it's foam.... I think Klay is afraid of Emry tearing of the foam pieces... and you know... not be able to finish building the ship.

So far... so good, it looks like a ship... but there are foam cannons and ladders and sails... It's truly a foam work of art.

I suppose they'll finish it sometime this weekend...

I'm not sure when Klay and I will get together for the remainder of this work week.
Probably Friday, but still, nothing set in stone.

Still in our holding pattern...
Still comfortable with that.
Emry still isn't.
Not that it's his decision... but, you know, a kid wants what he wants....

I have been kind of enjoying the alone time though.
I've been trying to get into my room earlier...
Trying to just get extra things done around the house...

You know, normal stuff.... but, getting the extra stuff done... makes me feel more accomplished.

I really should take little pictures of the house, so y'all can see what I'm working with....

It isn't big.. but it isn't small..
It's just right.... for now.


I have been having roofers coming to give me estimates of the damages detected by Hurricane Irene...

I am still waiting to receive that faxes of these estimates.....

One guy said that it could cost anywhere between 5 & 7 thousand dollars...

Hopefully we do not need a complete new roof.

Hopefully little repairs here and there will save us.
I don't know how I would afford that big of a bill...
And, I'm not sure of how much my home owner's insurance is going to help with this....
or even if it is a covered expense.

Another dazzling adventure in owning a house.

I miss having a landlord sometimes.....during these moments.....

That's all I got for now....
I hope you enjoyed catching up on my life... or lack there of.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


I am not a fan of being lied to, I'm sure we all have figured that out about me.

Please see posts from 8/26/2011 THROUGH 8/31/2011 TO UNDERSTAND WHAT I AM KIND OF TALKING ABOUT.

I found out... DIRECTLY... that I was lied to... by the one who spread such lies.

I found out, that like a fool... I should have contacted this persons mother directly... BECAUSE I HAVE and still have the phone number.

I was afraid of the worst.. I was afraid of making it so worse that something bad would happen.
And that help would come too late.

I did the right thing.
I got CPS involved.
And waited....

I find out from the case worker first that nothing is wrong. Then from the CHILD... and all I can think of is this:

Dear Little Girl:

Do you know how much trouble your mother could have gotten into, if CPS acted first and investigate later?
All of you could have been taken away. Your mother could have been arrested.
Your entire family could have been tore apart... on a lie.... on you seeking attention.

Attention that would have been gladly given, if all you were was lonely.

Being a teenager is hard, even if you have a normal life.
And there is nothing wrong with having a boring normal life.
A lot of us would have killed for that as teenagers...
I know I would have.

Signed, KVS

That goes through my mind.
The things I would say....

I lost sleep over this.
I felt horrible.

And now I feel even worse.

I may use an alias here.

But, everything I publish... is factual.

Everything about my childhood, IS FACTUAL.

And let me tell you all this:

When I was about 13, my mother caught me in a lie.
I lied about failing a test.
I lied because I wanted so badly to go to a school dance.
In our home, we were required to get nothing less than a 95 average.
The pressure was unbearable, and I remember having studied so hard...until the wee hours of the morning...
And then completely fucking up on the test, because I was so nervous... about getting something lower than a 95.
I failed.
I choked.
I hid it, and thought I could show it to her on the Monday after the dance.
Because a failure... not a 90... a complete failure would result in a direct grounding... the included (and was not limited to): No phone, No TV, No MEALS (what does that mean, bread and water was all I was allowed.), Constant berating about how STUPID I WAS, my bed taken away....
All of this... just for one test.
And sometimes... this would happen just because my mother FELT like doing it.

Well... my teacher called on the Friday of the dance... asked why my mother hadn't signed the failure and sent it back with me. My teacher was concerned for me... because when I choked... I cried... uncontrollably in the bathroom during lunch... My teacher was concerned.

My mother waited for me to get home... Asked me where it was... Wanting to see it... I led with "I didn't know, probably my locker"....

Like lightning we drove to the school, and emptied out my entire locker... EVERYTHING....took it home.

My mother eventually found the test.
Along with notes to friends... and other teenager normal things...

And began to hit me.
Began to berate me.
Dragged me across the house to my room.. BY MY HAIR.
Hit my repeatedly with my shoes.
She broke my nose this time.

I was so scared.
I locked myself in the bathroom with the cordless phone.. and dialed 911.

The cops came.

However, at the end of the night... they sent me home with her... pending an investigation.

The second I got in the house, I was pulled up by my neck and told, "You tell them nothing happen, or I'll kill you. I will find you. This will never end for you. You will not ruin MY reputation, because you can NOT adhere to the rules and punishments of THIS house."


When CPS questioned me.
I lied.
I told them it wasn't as bad as I had led on.

I got counseling for my "lying".

my mother got off scott free....
I believed she would get to me.
I believed it would never end.
I believed I would die.

I moved out at 17.

I had a horrible teenage life.
That led to a horrible early adult life.

I only got my head on straight when Emry was born.

I personally connected with what I was being told, and that fueled me.
I didn't see reason, or the option of being lied to.
I saw me, and my mother.

And that's what hurts most of all.


You never get over the trauma of your past.
It just stays with you like armour.
Like dark and ugly armour.

I'm so hurt.. from my actions.... from the manipulation... I don't know how to move forward from this....

I don't know if I would do the same thing again...

I just don't know.

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Yahoo Tuesday - Article - I want to eat the dirt in these pictures!

Wow... I want to eat the ground!
Not really... it's all food.
This guy has built landscapes "good enough to eat".

This is totally not going to help my snacking today.
Completely doomed.

*slaps forehead*

So.... yesterday I briefly spoke about finding the balance, and starting to enjoy my life.... for what it is.

Emry is in trouble again for his behavior.
He just really doesn't get the concept that sometimes, it isn't about him, and that when are doing something (in the house or out and about) that isn't for him... he needs to deal with it, and be a good boy.

So, after I told him one week no tv and no icecream at school on Friday... and told him he messed up.... He replied, "You messed up."
Two weeks.
No TV no icream Fridays.

Loving him isn't what needs to be done right now.
The attention is what he wants.
NO down time for anyone else...
He's four, It's normal, I got it.... but, he's such a JERK when he's like this.

OH DAMN. I got off topic where was I....Oh enjoying my life for what it is.

So since Emry is on "punishment", I thought it would be difficult to do.... and in all honesty ... it wasn't.

We ate dinner at the table together and talked.
We did his writing homework together.
We read a packet about apples that came home from school... and do you know what that showed me.
My kid can read primary words. "in" "the" "at" "when" "I" "apples" "bee" "dog"
No kidding.
I was really surprised, I mean, we read all the time together... and I have always put the subtitles on movies (1: because I'm deaf in one ear, subtitles help me to hear better and 2: I was hoping that perhaps subconsciously his brain would pick up on it.)
So, we are going over this packet, and I start pointing at the words as I read them, and I notice he's mouthing out certain words as I say them.
So, I let him try to read them first, and if he asked for help, then I gave him the word... he got most of these sentences.... I was so happy.
(Never would have known that if I hadn't taken the time to go above and beyond)
Gave him a bath, and while he was in the bath, I swept and swiffer mopped the upstairs....
Read to him and then he went to bed.

And that was it.

Today, we're going to try this again... and I'm going to do some laundry....
After bath... perhaps straighten out my filing cabinet, and put things in it that have been piling up on my kitchen table... WHO KNOWS... maybe I'll make a drawer specifically for Emry, and all his arts and craft stuff...

All in all... not so bad....
Everything got done, not much later than it normally does... and it was less stressful....

We'll see how this experiment proceeds.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Music Mania Mondays - I got nothing - But still come check it out.

I try to find music that is relevant to my mood.
Or is trending (gods do I hate than word) in our society...
But, today...
I got nothing...

Maroon 5 ft. Christina Aguilera "Moves like Jagger" is Number 1 across the country.

And there is no way I am going to even grace MY SPACE with that trash.


For your viewing enjoyment:


I've lost touch, and base with a lot recently.

I've been doing the motions, and just getting by.

I've been pushing ahead, and just getting it done.

The past couple of weeks, I've been barely enjoying what I have.

I've been putting it under a microscope, and trying to analyze all of it.

I am not one to let things just happen, or slide... I need to know what's going on.

Especially in my own world.

I need to breathe.

It could be worse.

I could be homeless....
I could be unemployed...
I could have no people around me who love and appreciate me...

It could always be worse.

I'm going to try and focus on me... my house... and my son.
No outside distractions, no limit of when bedtime should be (for me or Emry.)
Just take the time, to do it all... be present, and dedicated.

We'll see how that works.


Friday, September 23, 2011

Friday Potpourri - I'm a horrible mother.

Let me start out by saying,

I am not looking for sympathy here.
Or negative attention.
I just really feel like a shitty parent today.

It all started last night.

I ran out of tampons...
(So yeah, I'm PMS'ing as well...)
Emry was already sleeping, and my dad wasn't getting home from work really late.
Klay had left for the evening.
So, there was no way to get out of the house.

I knew that I would have to go to the grocery store FIRST THING in the morning, before Emry went to school, and before I went to work.

No big deal, right?

This morning, Emry wakes up with a sore throat.... So, I tell him that I have throat spray, but he has to eat first. So that whatever drips into his stomach, doesn't upset it.
Fine. Good. Still No Big Deal... Right?

Emry does that, he eats. Doesn't quite finish his juice, but, he could finish it after he got dressed.

I get him dressed, and then get the spray ready..... he sees the bottle.


"What do you mean NO? Your throat hurts, right?"


"Then open up, one spray and you're good."

"NO." *Slams mouth shut*

I start to get frustrated.
This is because I look at the time, and I realize, that if we don't leave in 5 minutes, I am not going to be able to go to the grocery store, get him to latchkey, and get on the highway to beat traffic enough to get to work ON TIME. (Which has been an issue as of lately, with him being in this new school... I've been not getting to work exactly on time. No one has said anything, but I know they will eventually.)

"Emry, you need to take this, or else your throat will still hurt... I will not force you, so please open your mouth."

"I want my thoat to hurt now."


I slam the bottle down... and am now infuriated... this is not the day... I'm overwhelmed, and now we are WASTING TIME.

So, I quickly brush his hair... it doesn't look great, but whatever at this point, and I'm starting to clean up, so we can leave...

"Mama, I'll take the spray now."

Before I knew what happened, I turned around, and slapped Emry as hard as I could. My anger filled rage struck him on the side of his back.

He starts to sob.
I don't hit him, not like that.
He'll get spanked when he's bad.
But, he wasn't bad this time.... He was being a 4 year old.

I quickly held him and apologized. Over and Over again.

He still teared up.
He still kept crying.

I lifted his shirt... the area was reddening...

And I couldn't make him stop.
He was in his right, I messed up, I WAS A HORRIBLE MOTHER.

I lost my cool.
And it breaks my heart.

I knew I was going to be late now, and I was okay with it.
Why now, after I royally fucked up, was I okay with it?
Why couldn't I have been okay with it, before I unnecessarily struck my child?

I apologized to him again.
He told me it was okay.

"NO Emry, it is NOT okay, I was wrong, and it will never happen again."

"Okay mama."

And.... so, we took out time... I got the stupid fucking tampons... got him into school a little late... but it's latchkey... whatever... I got on the road to work.

I got to work early.
For the first time all month.

I don't know how. Since I got onto the road 30 minutes late, for my 45 - 60 min drive.
I still got to work early.

I, officially feel like my mother, who would hit us and berate us for no reason.
And, I am not okay with it.

Life sucks.

Okay, y'all can commence the flogging.


Thursday, September 22, 2011

Thursday Recap - written in under 5 minutes

I have a conference to go to today... it will take the entire day.

So here is my speed typed, probably with a bunch of errors, Thursday Recap.

The ex has been making leaps in bounds in the attempt to see Emry.
He is going to submit to drug testing.... when, I don't know... but he's definitely getting close.
After that, if and when he passes, we will start doing supervised visits at my home.
He will bring dinner (something to prepare for him and Emry) and then put Emry to bed.
He wants to do this once or twice a week.
We'll see if and when it happens, it's all if he passes the drug test.

KLAY is now being called "Super Daddy Klay".... not on a regular... but, more than once.
Emry is making his decisions about who he wants.

How are Klay and I doing?
Well... we have finally got to a place where we both realize, we are going to have to move ahead, faster than we had expected, in order to keep our "family" dynamic peaceful. We both know Emry is conducive to our relationship, and he needs stability.
Once again, when... where, why? I don't know... but, we both know that it's going to come.
We love each other, and we love our "family" ... so that's it. Got to make decisions to keep us together.

I did a complete project on my own.
A LARGE PROJECT... I swear it had a LOT of pages in it.
And it's material... was flawless.
My boss.
Found a flaw.
She wanted the header changed.
Yep, just a control thing... whatever, I know I did excellent work.
I smile and nod.

My stomach? How am I feeling?
My body hates me... I keep pushing on.... it comes and it goes.
I swear I have IBS or something.
But, when I have down time.... There's never enough time to go to the doctor.

There you go.
5 minute Thursday Recap.

I know.
It kind of sucked.
Lacked the pizazz it usually does.

Can't help it.

Maybe I'll do an additional post tonight... after I get to relax on the couch.... after cleaning the house...

Never ending cycle.

Love to all.

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Whatever Wednesday & something to make you laugh!

First, let's start with some laughter... unless you're oober sensitive.
If you are oober sensitive, please just skip the below link and read the post.

Renegade Mothering - And then they invented... Bumper stickers!

Whatever Wednesdays, is kind of an homage to everything going on in the world... Not just my world... But, the actual world around me.

I want Wednesday points, to start with something directly affecting my world... and then I'm plan to branch out and see how it affects the world around me....



Right after I had Emry... I went on a diet.
(SIDE NOTE: Before Emry, I weighed max of 120 lbs @ 5'4" and after Emry I shot up to 180 lbs)
But, dieting didn't exactly work.
I ate right... wasn't really exercising.. it was kind of hard for me to do with a baby... But, I tried to stay active in the house (cleaning and such).
No weight loss.
I actually began to GAIN weight.

When Emry hit about 2 years of age, Nick and I went through our first separation. Of course, no money was given to us... so I went out, and got a job. A silly little mall kiosk job, but a job nonetheless. I was standing more, I was moving more... still eating pretty well.... I started to lose weight. I went from 180'ish to 160'ish. In a matter of a couple of months.

So I thought, now, if I diet... like really diet, and maintain this work schedule, I'll lose MORE weight!

*Shakes head quickly* Nope. My body was comfortable at 160'ish.

Then about a year and a half ago. I started working as a Garden Merchandiser.
(SIDE NOTE: I know, you're asking WTF is that? It's the person who stocks the plants at Home Depot and Lowe's. OH YOU THOUGHT THEY DID THAT? No, they're a lazy company, they outsource to do that!)
Moving plants (from little flowers to HUGE trees to huge tri-platforms of shrubs).. is a lot of hard work.
160'ish to 145'ish... in a matter of a month. Seriously.

So, finally I got it... I got to work out. In some way shape or form. The only way I will lose weight... is to get up off my ass. Dieting will only just leave me hungry... and my ass will still be huge.

I got this job, and for a while I walked, and jogged... and hiked.
I've been slacking recently... but, I will find the time to start it up again.

I've maintained between 145 and 155 lbs... since I started here.
Which. Isn't awful.
for my height my appropriate weight is between 108-140 lbs... So, in essence, I'm not that fat.

And in between all this dieting, and working out... Yes, I've tried the pills.

What I learned about those, for me and my body... they don't work... they make you feel edgey...
If I take them now, I take only one a day (not the 4-6 they normally ask for)... What does that do?
It curbs my hunger.. just enough... not to snack.
I also took a liking to taking apple cider vinegar tablets.
What does that do?
It keeps the excess water weight not on my hips.
AKA: it makes you pee... a lot.
I take a multivitamin.
I do not drink soda, except if my body is in dire need for a sugar fix (Hyperglycemia sometimes trumps what I want...and what I don't want.)

But, as a society, our nation is focused on dieting.
There are a million different type of diets.

Here's an A-Z List of Diets:

·         100-Mile Diet
·         17 Day Diet
·         Alkaline diet
·         Atkins diet
·         Blood Type Diet
·         Body for Life
·         Breatharian diet
·         Buddhist diet
·         Cabbage Soup Diet
·         Cookie diet
·         Crash diet
·         Detox diet
·         Diabetic diet
·         Diet for a New America by John Robbins
·         Dr. Hay diet
·         Dukan Diet
·         Eat Clean Diet
·         Earth Diet
·         Edenic diet
·         Elemental diet
·         Elimination diet
·         Fatfield Diet
·         Feingold diet
·         Fit for Life diet
·         Flexitarian diet
·         Food combining diet
·         F-plan diet
·         Fruitarian diet
·         Fad diet
·         Gerson diet
·         Gluten-free diet
·         The Graham Diet
·         Grapefruit diet
·         Hacker's diet
·         Hay diet
·         Herbalife
·         Halal diet
·         Hallelujah diet
·         High-protein diet
·         Health Management Resources
·         Healthy Six
·         Inuit diet
·         Israeli Army diet
·         Jenny Craig
·         Joel Fuhrman diet
·         Junk food diet
·         Juice diet
·         Kangatarian
·         Kosher diet
·         Ketogenic diet
·         Lacto vegetarianism
·         Liquid diet
·         Low-carbohydrate diet
·         Low-fat diet
·         Low glycemic index diet
·         Low-protein diet
·         Low sodium diet
·         Lutein-free diet
·         Lemonade diet
·         Macrobiotic diet
·         Master Cleanse
·         McDougall diet
·         Medifast Diet
·         Mediterranean diet
·         Montignac diet
·         Natural Foods Diet
·         Negative calorie diet
·         Nutrisystems Diet
·         Okinawa diet
·         Omnivore
·         Organic food diet
·         Ornish Diet
·         Ovo-lacto vegetarian diet
·         Paleolithic diet
·         Perricone diet
·         Pescetarian diet
·         Plant-based diet
·         Prison loaf
·         Rastafarian diet
·         Raw foodism
·         Scarsdale Medical Diet
·         Shangri-La Diet
·         Slimming World diet
·         Smart For Life
·         Sonoma diet
·         South Beach diet
·         SparkPeople diet
·         Stillman diet
·         Subway diet
·         Sugar Busters!
·         Swank diet
·         Vegan diet
·         Vegetarian diet
·         Very low calorie diet
·         Weight Down diet
·         Weight Watchers
·         Western pattern diet
·         Word of Wisdom
·         Zone diet

That is an INSANE amount of diets.
And the names of them.
The rasta diet... what does that include smoking the ganja and NOT eating?
I don't have time to read all of the descriptions, but I'm sure they're pretty funny....
And only yield short term success.

So as a society... it is very clear, we are keen on losing the weight... and not necessarily being healthy.

But, that isn't necessarily true!

With the growing numbers of gyms, and fitness guru's... and television shows.. people are now becoming excessive exercisers... Any fad routine will do.
I can't turn on the TV after 10pm without seeing at least 5 infomercials about a new exercise trend.

Then there's ZUMBA... which people swear by.
I guess it gets you moving and it 's fun... but... jeez.... Isn't it like our generations dancerobics?

I don't know.

You tell me...

What do you think about:
Dieting vs Exercise?
What has worked for you?
What HAS DONE DIDDLY for you?
What is your opinion on diet pills?