People Just as Crazy as Me

Saturday, December 31, 2011

New Years Eve Rocks.....Not so much.

I think that sometimes, I should just cut my losses.

I think that sometimes, I should just stop trying.

New Years Eve isn't anything special in my world.
Mostly it's just a drink wine and watch the crappy New Years Eve Show on TV.

But, last year, for the first time in a while, it was with someone I really loved.
Klay.
We just had a great time, making fun of the epically bad New Years Eve Show.
Drinking Wine, a little champagne... you know.... Real Relaxed.

This year.

**CRICKKET CRICCKKKET**

Yup. You guessed it.
It's me.
Alone.

My father went to his sisters, they are going to a fancy dinner, and hanging out.
Emry is in bed, he cut the inner portion of his lip really bad today, and after we went to dinner (Texas Roadhouse... super yummy.) he went to bed with some Tylenol. His lip is going to be huge tomorrow.
What happened? He fell off his bike and bit down when he landed. Oh Joy. Yup, blood EVERYWHERE.
Girls are less accident prone, at least that's what I am told.

Where's Klay?
Klay received a beer brewing kit for Christmas.
Klay is home brewing.
7:45p.m. on New Years Eve... and I was stood up to brewing.

What kills me... isn't being passed up for Beer Brewing.
It was Emry at dinner, after he told me that Klay PROMISED he would be back with us before nighttime.
I didn't know this, and perhaps Klay forgot... but, I am very.... adamant about not BREAKING PROMISES TO EMRY. Klay knows that.

*shakes head*

I had to use a sentence that I haven't had to use since my ex-husband was a factor in our worlds.
"He probably got held up. We'll see him later."

I know he wasn't held up.
I know he's playing with his new toy.
That isn't a problem.
You shouldn't have promised Emry you'd be back by "nighttime".
You know when Dinner time is in our world.... Just saying.

I came home from Texas Roadhouse hoping Klay's car would be in the driveway.....
Nope.

*sighs*

Emry didn't notice, his mouth hurt too bad...

And now, I'm sitting... watching repeats of Ghost Hunters, and typing a self loathing post.

SHOCKER

I know New Years Eve isn't important after you age out of the need to go to a bar and drink your memory away....

But, family time on a holiday (even one as mild as this one) IS IMPORTANT.

That's when it hits me, even though Klay is a part of our... unit.... he isn't family.
He isn't Emry's father.
He isn't my Husband or Fiance.

He is my boyfriend.
He... for all intensive purposes, is a free agent.

It isn't a big deal, and I am NOT looking for pity here...
It is
What
It is.

I just get disillusioned ....... a lot.
I get lost in the grand mirage that is painted when Klay is around.
And for the past week or so (Christmas to New Years Period roughly the 20th until now) has been FILLED with Klay. He's only been absent 3 days..... TOPS.....
Gets comfortable............. and then..............it isn't anymore.

I am a woman.
I do get emotional.
I am inclined to get a tad clingy.
I HAVE ESTROGEN.
That's kind of what comes with the territory.
At least I can admit to it.


Happy New Years to my Blogging Family.

Going to bed pretty soon... There isn't any reason for me to stay up.

Goodnight all.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Friday - December 30th - Time for a list...

Tomorrow is New Years Eve.
So what do people do at this time of the year?
  • Make Lists about everything (and anything)
  • Resolutions


So I figured I would do both in this Friday Potluck Post.

List... What can I make a list about?
Hmmmmm..........
oooOoooh... I know

Excited? I am Too!


10. Lady Gaga.
When Lady Gaga first came out, she was Poppy, and well.... Kind of sounded like Christina Aguilera.
She was cute. Her voice was great. She gained popularity, and then we all had to endure her... "style". I am all for making a point, but, how far is too far? She has done wonderful things for the LGBT community. Her activism in this department is needed. It's just the way she does it... Makes it all feel like a joke. I can't take her seriously when she's in MEAT. Just saying. I just want Gaga to have a Quiet Year... or at least come back to reality. Oh and BTW: Stop ripping off vintage Madonna. I get it, she's your idol.... MOVE ON Dammit! 

9. Eat this Not That....David Zinczenko
Commonly known as the "Orange Man"   

This guy writes the "Eat this Not that" books, and also does regular articles for Yahoo.com, in which he tries to help you with eating out. He does this poorly. He does this in way that we must berate him. Let me give you some examples of this man's insanity....
First example (from his Saltiest Food Edition):

#8: Saltiest Pasta

Ruby Tuesday Mediterranean Shrimp Pasta
3,737 mg sodium
1,102 calories
65 g fat 
SODIUM EQUIVALENT: 10 Large Orders of McDonald’s French Fries  
Congratulations, Ruby Tuesday! This dish makes our list for the second year in a row. How the chain manages to infuse a pasta dish with nearly two teaspoons of pure salt is beyond me. I just know that they're good at it. The chain makes only one pasta dish with fewer than 2,000 mg of sodium (almost an entire day's worth!), and it has only two pasta dishes with fewer than 3,000 mg. The other four pasta dishes on the menu each have more than 3,000 mg.
Eat This Instead!
Spaghetti Squash Marinara

836 mg sodium

257 calories
12 g fat

 If I want Shrimp Pasta... I rather eat HALF of the portion, then get SQUASH. Who would trade Shrimp for Squash? Jeez. Find a Shrimp dish that HEALTHIER. DUH DUDE!

2nd example (From his Worst Holiday Food Edition):
#3 Worst Holiday Ice Cream TreatDairy Queen Reindeer Bites Blizzard (medium)
950 calories
39 g fat (27 g saturated)
94 g sugar
This ice cream treat sounds downright innocent—how harmful could “reindeer bites” possibly be? Well, when “reindeer bites” is code for globs of caramel, hunks of chocolate, and chunks of pie crust, they can be pretty bad. This Christmas concoction manages to pack more than a days’ worth of saturated fat and more sugar than three Snickers bars! Last time I checked, Santa’s antlered crew preferred carrot sticks, not soft-serve sugar bombs. A small caramel sundae will get the job done with a third as many calories.
Eat This Instead!Dairy Queen Caramel Sundae (small)
300 calories
8 g fat (5 g saturated)
35 g sugar
 
If I'm going to Dairy Queen, it means that I've been REALLY good. I will get whatever I please. Try giving us a list of GROCERIES to BUY. Not, what NOT to eat while we're treating ourselves. Dammit.

8. Kate Gosselin
I haven't had ANY plastic surgery... I swear.
Your children are going to have permanent emotional damage. You have exploited them... you have made them to endure a public divorce. They think having a camera crew in their life is NORMAL. I was so pleased when they canceled your show. I thought that maybe your children would have a chance of actual NORMALCY. Nope. I was wrong.... You have an Extreme Couponing show now, and are in and out of the media for your PLASTIC SURGERY. Yes, Kate, we all know, even though you lie about it.... YOU HAVE HAD A LOT OF WORK AND ARE NOW A SCARY LOOKING LADY. Jeez. I hate you. I feel bad for your kids... and I wish that your ex would step up and figure out a way to defeat you. . . . Like cutting off your head, or a stake to the heart.... Just something. Maybe water.... That killed the Wicked Witch of the West. If I never hear your name again it will be too soon.

7. Lindsay Lohan 
Skank.

This girl. I, at first, felt sorry for. Her parents used her as a cash cow... She was a CUTE KID. She is roughly my age... And I have had my share of problems. I figured it out. I got better. This girl.... oh my, how many times have you been in and out of rehab? How many times have you been in and out of Jail (if only for HOURS at a time)... The judge who presides over your case, despises you. You are a poor excuse for a human being. And now, making yourself even MORE TRASHY... you pose for Playboy? I mean, yeah, it has it's place in our society, but we all know you did it for money to fuel WHATEVER addiction you have.... **COUGH COUGH COCAINE COUGH COUGH CRACK**

I won't be surprised when they announce the death of Lindsay Lohan... I know a downward spiral when I see one.

6. Gas Prices Going UP... again
Feels like this to me.

We have the resources in this country... We refuse to use them. We rather fight wars in countries we don't belong in to get it. 
Since I have started driving the gas prices have TRIPLED. That's wrong. Something needs to be done.

5. Celebrities adopting from other countries

Yes, third world countries have thousands of children without homes. There isn't enough food... they're all sick, and unloved. It's awful. I agree.
However, there are many sick, unloved, and scared children in our country. People rather spend there entire life savings (and then some) to adopt a child from another country. Why can they not search within... I imagine there are TONS of children in America who have never known security or safety that these celebrities can provide. Just saying.

4. Remade Movies


The following movies are being remade in the 2011/2012 season:

Remakes



Akira
Child’s Play
Cleopatra
The Crow
The Dambusters
Daredevil
Das Experiment
Death Note
Dune
The Evil Dead
Excalibur
Fantastic 4 Reborn
Frankenstein
The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo
Godzilla
Ghost In The Shell
The Great Gatsby
Highlander
Judge Dredd
The Lone Ranger
Mortal Kombat
Oldboy
Point Break
RoboCop
Scarface
Short Circuit
A Star Is Born
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles
Tell No One
The Thin Man
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy
Timecrimes
Tomb Raider
Total Recall
The Twilight Zone
The Warriors

WHY IS THIS NECESSARY? WHY ARE THERE NO ORIGINAL IDEAS!
3, 2, and #1 are so hated... That it must take up THREE PLACES IN MY LIST 

**DRUM ROLL**

MY EX-HUSBAND
Yup, that's him.
Oh, and as a SIDENOTE: Never look up Horses Ass on Yahoo... you will not like what turns up.
Enough said.


AND NOW FOR MY 2012 RESOLUTION:

In the year 2012, I resolute to be more tolerant and patient. 


Thursday, December 29, 2011

Thursday Recap - 12/29/11

This morning, at 7:30a, I brought my car in to be serviced.
$656 later... I was able to leave the shop by 11:00a.m.

Why so long Kat?
Because there is only one Alignment Lift in the place, and one of the other douche technicians decided to pull another car in, while my tech was test driving my vehicle.

I was so livid, but since the manager was ill, the techs were running the shop, leaving me to have to deal with their angry behavior towards each other.

I got home and had to clean... like super ultra mega clean. Why?
Oh Emry's grandmother had "forgotten" to give him all of his Christmas Presents.
So, she said she was going to come up. ALONE.
Nope, she just texted, WE ARE AT THE MALL. BE THERE SOON.
WE? Who the fuck is WE?
It was just supposed to be ME (as in YOU).
Nope, the car is packed, Ex-sister in law, Ex-Grandmother in law, Ex-Mother in law and Ex-baby cousin - in law (yes, I went there.)

She does it to me all the time.
Says SHE is coming up, but brings everyone.
Who said I wanted to entertain ALL of you?
But, I was keen to it this time, house is spotless, and if you're hungry/thirsty.... GET OUT.. because I will say this in my most SINGSONG voice, "You should have told me EVERYONE was with you, I would have known to go food shopping for snacks!" and then she'll offer to buy lunch, in which I'll quip with, "Oh, we already eat, but you guys, go have a nice lunch, Emry and I had plans anyway."
And before they can interject, they are out the door, and we are far AWAY.

Think it will work?
Probably not.
Worth a shot though.


These two days were supposed to me just Emry and I...
I hate how one of these days is overridden with Car Repair, and EX-IN LAWS.
I need a teleporter so at least I don't have to deal with one of the two reoccurring pains in my life.

*rolls eyes*

They should be here soon...
But keep your fingers crossed that it ends soon, so that Emry and I can get back to "US TIME".

We rarely get to do anything fun together.
These days are supposed to be for that.

Enjoy you day everyone.

Wednesday, December 28, 2011

*nods*

I read a couple of posts this morning that really......well, hit me hard.

There were actually 3 of them.... any way.

One of them spoke of taking care of yourself... because in the end, you need to be there for your kids. No one else is going to do this for you. I've been neglecting myself, regardless of the recent medical diagnoses that I have received.

I think I am going to get that massage, as it will be beneficial for my pain syndrome(s) and my mental health.

Making the appointment as soon as I know WHEN someone can watch Emry for an extended period. Klay or Dad will step up... But, I need to make sure it's on a weekend when I can....be.......MUSHY and USELESS.

The other 2......well, they hit home.......literally back to my childhood situation.
About the need for a mother, that I will never have.... Because she will never see her problems and get help for them......Even if I apologize for things that weren't my fault, she will never really move past it.... She will never be the mother I crave.

And it will always leave a void in me that I will have to live with.



I think that's why I over compensate.
Why I am trying to be the best mother I can be.
Give Emry a real life, and show him that a mother can be strong... and loving.....
You know......
LIKE THIS... I WANT HIM TO SEE ME LIKE THIS


My mother was a scheming no-good abusive NUTJOB.
She used to call us fat. ALL THE TIME.
I was 5'4 and 90 lbs, and I WAS STILL FAT.
I was the one who stayed small.......because I didn't want to be a fatty.
My sister, took it to heart, and built the weight up around her, making Defensive Armor.

We still have major image issues due to that womans mental/emotional abuse.

Then there was the physical abuse.
I won't go there today.

So.........
Where am I going with this?

Oh.......

Wait. Fuck...... I don't remember.

I really did have a point.


Okay.
I got it.

POINT BEING MADE... STOP AND TAKE NOTICE


I will never be able to do everything.
I will not always be STRONG
I will fail, from time to time.
I will not be perfect
I will not be SUPER MOM every day.
But:
I will never make my son feel stupid because of my insecurities
I will never set IMPOSSIBLE goals for my son, only to beat him when he doesn't achieve them.
I will not drug myself up (Prescription or otherwise) and then make my child take care of me in my sub-conscious state.
I will not allow my insecurities, and mental issues to break me down so far that I cannot be a decent mother.
I WILL NOT ALLOW MY PHYSICAL AILMENTS TO STOP ME FROM PLAYING, INTERACTING, OR BEING A MOTHER TO MY SON.

And.
I promise this.

Why?
Because I know how shitty it feels to have a SELFISH woman raise you, while she pisses away all the hard earned money your father made to support you all with........

I wanted a real mother, fuck, I still want a real mother.....
But, the hell if I will settle for what I was given...

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

I want a massage dammit!

I went to school for Massage Therapy, and my favorite point of my schooling was the Student to Student hands on work.....or even being the demo for the teacher.

MmmmMmm..

My body was PERFECT when I was in school.

I haven't worked as a MT for about 2 years now, and I haven't really had a REAL massage in about 3 years.

So. What I want more than anything, some time soon.... IS A MASSAGE.

Oh hell, I want a Spa Day, at a NICE SPA.

However, I do not want to pay the current rates for such things.
When I worked, and it wasn't at the RITZ-iest of places, we ran specials and deals.... that MADE people want to come in.
I went looking today......not a single place has winter packages or discounts.....
NOT A ONE.
So..... For what I want.......Which isn't a lot.........At least in the world of SPA'S....
  • 1 hour Swedish Massage
  • Basic Manicure
  • Basic Pedicure
So, about 3 hours in the Spa. Just me.... and a couple of nice Spa Employees.

THAT'S IT.

I looked into it...
About $155.....minimum.

I was thinking.......about $100.
Why? because I have about $130 to play with.....Just for me.
(100 for the services 10 bucks each for the workers tip)

I know what the split is for a Spa Employee, and it does suck......and the tips are never grand........
I just want to relax.
Just a little.

Soothing music.
A little Pamper.
PLEASE?!

There's one place in my area, that looks fairly new......
I think I could get the Massage and the Mani for a little under $100.

But, then, my conscience dives in to interject.
"Do you really NEED that?"
"Couldn't you just soak in the bath?"
"Use your heating pad?"
"Give yourself a damn manicure?"
"Couldn't you use that money for important things?"
"Doesn't Emry need something?"

Stupid Conscience.
Go Fuck Yourself Conscience.
I WANT A LITTLE TIME FOR ME.

But, for right now.... just a dream.
Just a want.

But, wouldn't it be nice?
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So, I guess it's going to be me....homemade Bath Salts.....and a single candle....... In my OWN bathroom....with my own SPA MUSIC......
Just imagining.


STARVING

The week after Christmas is always HARD at my job... not the work load... THE FOOD LOAD.

Yes, I'm having a fat girl moment here.....Just deal with it.

From the day after Thanksgiving to the Day before Christmas Eve, there is countless meals made and given to our department... not to mention the parties.

So, you get used to having breakfast waiting for you at work, and an interesting lunch....
Saves you some money too... since you only have to take part in making 1 of these meals for 1 of these days.

The days after Christmas is almost like FAMINE has struck our office.

I brought my lunch, but still... my body is craving sustenance, and what I brought will not cut it.

**UGH**

I could run out, and grab something else.
(I just don't want to spend extra money on something filled with Fat and Calories that I don't need.... and with money I shouldn't be dropping because I'm weak in the knees over food.)

I just.
Well.
I guess I should have packed more.
I brought a small salad, and a small thing of Pasta w/ Broccoli Rabe Pesto.

It's portioned appropriately.
Should be nutritious and tasty...
I just want, A BURGER with Bleu Cheese and Bacon and HOT SAUCE, with thick Steak Cut Fries... and a large cold ice water.
MmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmMmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

Yup, can you tell?
I'm STARVING.

At 11:15 I ate the pasta (I couldn't wait.)
and now I'm holding out until noon for the salad.
*shrugs*
Tomorrow I'll bring stuff to snack on... Stupid Stomach....Stupid Body Demanding food.

What about you?
Does the Holiday season mess with your normal Eating Patterns?

When you're starving... what is your Top 1 want?
Does it change depending on the circumstance? or month? or season?

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Speaking of hungry type subjects.

Last night, I attempted to make Store Bought, Tollhouse brownie bites.
I followed the directions exactly.......
and guess what.
THEY BURNED.
LIKE HARDCORE.

*shakes head in dismay*
All I wanted was fresh baked SOMETHINGS!

Grrrrrrrr Argggggggg.

I'll just use pictures until lunch time.
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Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm
Fooood.

Aw crap.. that didn't work, now I'm even MORE hungry.

Oh well....
What is everyone else having for lunch?

Here I am! "Miss me Darlin's?"

I know, I never got back on Friday night, to let everyone know how the Ex-in-Laws thing went...

Nor have I wished anyone a Happy and Healthy Holiday or Coming New Year.

So let's get that out of the way.

I hope everyone had a happy and healthy holiday! And I hope your New Year Rocks.

**SMILES**

The other thing?
Went surprisingly well...

Mapquest did screw me, and even though I stated I wanted to take a NON-TOLL Route into the bronx... well....... I had to go over the George Washington Bridge (and me without $12) .......So NYS Traffic Authority will be sending me a LARGE bill some time soon.

But, the actual interaction...
Not so bad.
Emry got to play with his cousin.
The Ex didn't pop up.... They did have a gift from him to Emry, but, no one said who it was from... so, it was kind of an Empty gesture....

What was interesting.... Well, you tell me what you think of this.

When I was married... and I went to visit the In-Laws house.... Their apartment was covered in pictures of Emry and Nick (the ex)..........none of me. Never any of me.

We went down this time, and there were a few of me, tons of Emry.....and not a STITCH of the ex.

Weird? Interesting? It was definitely something.

Emry got his first round of presents...
(I was notified the next day that they had "forgotten" to give him all of them, Grandma will be coming up on Thursday to finish off these gifts... As if he NEEDED anymore)

We drove home...
He went to bed...

Christmas Eve went surprisingly smoothly.
The weather was chilly, but sunny...
The traffic was minimal.

Emry ate at both meals... only drawback... Emry had a mild fever. Nothing else, just a little fever.
So, he was a tad sluggish.

My uncle got Emry a bike, it looks like a motorbike... So, Emry was over the moon about it.

We got home late, Emry went to bed, and slept until 8:00 a.m. Christmas Morning.
I think the fever made him forget that Santa delivered presents... because I was sure that he would have been jumping OUT of the bed at the crack of dawn. Nope. We woke him up.

Unwrapped everything.
Ran to Klay's and did the same thing.

Drawback there was that Klay's grandmother, the sweetest old lady EVER, was very ill... So presents were paused so that Klay, his brother, his wife (the doctor) and his dad could go check to make sure she was going to be okay.

Which she will be.

Went home.
Played with practically EVERYTHING.

Picked at food all day.

Nothing extravagant.
Pretty laid back.
Pretty awesome if you ask me.

And in the process of 2 days, I took 150 pictures.
Yup.
Am I going to post all of them?
Nope. Could you imagine how lunch blogger would take to do that.

What did I get?
This and that's.
Very special pieces...
I was very pleased... and I feel very special.

I'm just a tad exhausted, and came into a problem at work...
So there goes my peaceful day of filing... RIGHT OUT THE WINDOW.

I better get to my day.

Hope all is well with everyone else...

And, from the private message I discovered the other day the only answer I have is: Some times.

Friday, December 23, 2011

Half day into lunch/dinner with the EX-in laws

Pray for me.

Pray for Emry.

Good wishes and good energy our way...

This day is going to be too long.

I will try and post something grand tonight...

When I'm not wrapping presents in the bathroom! (Thanks for the idea Non-Stop Mom!)

Thursday, December 22, 2011

I couldn't help it.... Got bored... and this is hysterical


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It is...


Online Window Shopping... Calms the mind

Bad morning. Right?
HOWEVER.
I have spent the morning Online WINDOW SHOPPING. (Yes I did.)
It all started with this:

http://www.amazon.com/Dci-Tea-Rex-Infuser/dp/B004XWGSIE/ref%3dsr_1_34?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567089&sr=1-34

and I went, oOOOHh that's cool, I wonder what else this company makes:

And now........ My list for gift giving.......... FOR EVER...........Keep this saved somewhere.

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-10163-Mini-Flask-Keychain/dp/B000U8CZLY/ref=sr_1_209?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567349&sr=1-209

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-Pop-Christmas-Babushka-Ornaments/dp/B004A6LZOU/ref=sr_1_194?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567349&sr=1-194

http://www.amazon.com/Decor-Craft-Inc-Apple-Feeder/dp/B001XVRMXI/ref%3dsr_1_189?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567328&sr=1-189 (I thought Klay's mom would dig this one too)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-12655-Hot-Man-Trivet/dp/B001NR015S/ref%3dsr_1_157?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567300&sr=1-157 (he's so tiny holding up that big pot)

http://www.amazon.com/Soupstix-Chopsticks-Spoon-Assorted-Colors/dp/B004UBIIA4/ref%3dsr_1_131?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567266&sr=1-131 (we could bring it with us when we had sushi for Emry.... and me too.......they're adorable.)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-Skull-Glass-Ornaments-Set/dp/B004BA05XW/ref%3dsr_1_113?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567229&sr=1-113 (nuff said)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-18978-Fondue-For-Two/dp/B002BSGZ80/ref=sr_1_71?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567141&sr=1-71

http://www.amazon.com/Dci-Bbq-Sword-For-Grilling/dp/B001RQ18DY/ref%3dsr_1_63?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567141&sr=1-63 (this is really more for my dad... I thought he'd get a kick out of it... maybe for his birthday....)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-26300-Sushi-YummyPillow/dp/B00546MNZA/ref=sr_1_61?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567141&sr=1-61

http://www.amazon.com/Dci-Babushka-Doll-Silicone-Tray/dp/B004ARW52K/ref%3dsr_1_59?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567141&sr=1-59 (they're DROWNING... oh wait they float... AWESOME.... IT IS A WITCH.....know it's an ice nesting doll....... I LOVE IT)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-Just-Slice-Silicone-Green/dp/B005VF6SR8/ref%3dsr_1_54?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567141&sr=1-54 (utterly useless... but, still.... PERFECT PIECE OF CAKE EVERY TIME?)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-Ice-Cream-Sandwich-YummyPillow/dp/B004UC4SIE/ref%3dsr_1_47?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567089&sr=1-47 (must not eat pillow)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-Pop-Christmas-Owl-Ornaments/dp/B0067S6CIS/ref=sr_1_46?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567089&sr=1-46

http://www.amazon.com/Dci-Knuckle-Pounder-Meat-Tenderizer/dp/B004SUQAUC/ref%3dsr_1_44?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567089&sr=1-44 (so gratifying to use)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-9723-Hammer-Bottle-Opener/dp/B000ROI196/ref%3dsr_1_35?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567089&sr=1-35 (i don't need it, but still... AW)

http://www.amazon.com/Dci-Picnic-Table-Condiment-Piece/dp/B0016LO8ZK/ref%3dsr_1_30?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567089&sr=1-30 (still... not a need... but... *pouts*)

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-Candy-Cane-Tea-Infuser/dp/B0062S2MKA/ref=sr_1_25?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567089&sr=1-25

http://www.amazon.com/DCI-Decor-Craft-21688-Fish/dp/B003DKG634/ref%3dsr_1_16?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567061&sr=1-16 (I want this bad. I love it so much)

http://www.amazon.com/Dci-Tea-Duckie-Floating-Infuser/dp/B0045OZ22I/ref%3dsr_1_8?s=home-garden&ie=UTF8&qid=1324567061&sr=1-8 (this too)


TA-da.

Aren't these the CUTEST THINGS!
Online Window Shopping is the best.

Flipping Out. . . . Come on Christmas!

That's it.

I need a flipping vacation.

Friday Night cannot come fast enough....

My tact... flew out the window this morning... and I flipped out.

AGAIN.

I'm overtired, I know this... but, I cannot handle stupidity any longer.


We have this worker... Who I swear to god, needs a formal GOOD MORNING from you, and if she doesn't HEAR IT. She will continue to say GOOD MORNING TO YOU... until you say it back.

It makes me sick.
She said it to me 3 times this morning.

I said it to her...........THREE TIMES THIS MORNING.

And then.... when she said it to me the FOURTH FLIPPING TIME. I turned and said..

"REALLY? COME ON NOW! Why is it that you have to say good morning to me FOUR TIMES UNTIL I STOP WHAT I'M DOING, FACE YOU, MAKE EYE CONTACT AND SAY GOOD MORNING MICHELLE?"

"Well, maybe I shouldn't say it."

(Really, that's your response? OKAY... let's go with this.)
"No, ONCE IS FINE. I just DON'T understand why you NEED to this EVERY MORNING. I'm sorry."

"Well, I'm sorry too."

"Good. Fine."
(and I spun around to my computer.)

Poor maryellen, sitting across from me... look shocked.
I feel bad. But, not so much. I hate HIGH MAINTANENCE PEOPLE.

And, the fact that I am losing it at work means 1 thing.
I NEED A BREAK.

I know I've been saying it for a while.
But, it's offiicial.

I cannot keep freaking out at work.
It's not good ju-ju.

So... my long weekend.....followed by 2 days of work....... into another 5 days off... I need to take time for myself.

Atleast half of that time needs to be spent NAPPING.

I need to do it.
Or else, I'm likely to flip out at my boss... and that WOULD NOT end well.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Need this job.
Need this job.
Need this job.

Okay... I think I'm settled.

To make it worse, I didn't sleep last night... at all. I tossed and turned and tossed and turned.
Until honestly.... the alarm went off.

To make it even WORSE:
Driving to work... I was almost involved in a MULTI CAR pile up... in which two cars (One coming and One going) road the lines a little too close, and then well HIT eachother...Sending one car to the left and one to the right.... The guy directly in front of me BRAKED HARD... so did I, and the guy behind me didn't notice, and swirved sideways not to hit me...........So on and so forth.
An extra 45 minutes of commute time added.
My heart still in my throat.

I had a BAD NIGHT AND BAD MORNING.
and that pain in the ass just kept pushing the wrong button.

But, I hate the passive aggressiveness of her.
Everything is done very.... cuttingly.

I need to get an IN HOME job.
Medical Biller or something.
I can't piss anyone off, if it's just me and my computer.


Help someone HELP!
I really feel I'm going to lose my job eventually... anyone have any recommendations to calm down....
OR valium they can send me.

VALIUM would be LOVELY.

♪ ♫ ♪  ♪ ♫ ♪ ♪ ♫ ♪


*pouts*

Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Does it ever happen?

Does getting COAL instead of a present ever happen?
Or is this threat one that never comes to fruition?

I know my parents' used to swear that Santa would bring me coal if I didn't eat my broccoli, or try to be nicer to my big sister....

But.... It never happened.....

Any of you ever get coal? or give your kids' coal?

There's this answer... Which I found funny.

This one has a poll at the bottom... 85% of the parents said they would give coal.

You can buy a lump of coal from this site!

I thought this research was hysterical....

Not that Emry's getting coal for Christmas... but, maybe I should put a tiny lump of coal in his stocking... like as a warning for Christmas Future...

What do you guys think?


Image Detail
Could you imagine?


Image Detail
I would be the worst mom ever.




Image Detail
And... it's too late, but I should have completely put this in Klay's stocking.





WILL NOT GO APESHIT AT WORK WILL NOT GO APESHIT AT WORK

We do lunches...at work... Where one person will take the orders, and fly to get it.

Today, My friend Lissa and I... decided we want.....Greek... MMmmMmmmMmmm

Karissa has the only menu for it on the floor.
Oh yeah...
The dreaded Karissa.

I asked politely for the menu, and asked her if she wanted anything.
"Yes and Yes."
Then a pause.
"Who's going to get it?"

I answered that I was... and she kind of gave me this look, and then uttered something that the menu was locked up and she would have to give it to me in a bit.
(I want to note that she had an hour and a half of bullshitting in the breakroom before actually stepping in to her office.... Two seconds to get me a menu is a big deal?)

Fast Forward.
 Hour later....
She's still goofing off and joking around.....
And I.......
Still don't have the menu.
I bet she waits until .......1140 to give it to me..... so I don't have a chance to ask anyone other than Lissa, I and her if they want anything. So that I look like a brat who doesn't ask everyone about yummy food.

I hate drama.
I almost want to tell Lissa that we aren't going to do this... and just get Chicken Soulvaki's from the local diner. How different/bad could it be?

And then I could get anything ANYONE wanted.
Diner's are awesome.
Just saying.

I just didn't want the slop downstairs, or the leftovers in my fridge.
Is that so wrong?

Why people have to hold a grudge is BESIDES me.

Will not lose my cool at work over a MENU.
Even if Karissa is being a cunt about it.
(Yeah I used the C word....it's really how I'm feeling)

This may sound trivial....
But, sometimes, I just know when I'm being f'd with.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

There was no article comment section.. You get to read my rant.

Stop Teacher and Student Online Communication

One teacher says that using Social media to communicate with the students "works." and that's why it's used so much.

We didn't have social media when I was in school... No wonder I'm illiterate.
(SARCASM)

I do not think that Teachers and Students should be "friends" or interact on Social Media Outlets.
I think Facebook and Twitter are more Casual then other sites.

No one uses Facebook/Twitter to market their name or employment... They use something called Linked In.

Maybe the schools should come up with their own District Message Board.... Kind of like ICQ.... This would be monitored by someone in the District, and the Teachers would have to register as Teachers and the Students as students... This way...... You know that someone in charge is keeping things legit.

Yes, the Internet may help some students interact with a teacher more than in class... some kids are quiet and afraid to ask questions. It just has to be done in the right way.

I just read all the cases they came up with...... All the Teachers taking advantage of Students... It's disgusting. It makes me feel very scared for my son.

**sighs**

Vent over... for now.

I don't like you.

Last night Emry told me he didn't like me.
That he wanted Klay or my dad to take care of him now........not me.

I blinked rapidly.
Calmed myself as quickly as possible so I didn't yell my head off at him.
How dare he say that!
Everything I do is for him.
I work LONG hours. Commute LONG hours.
Make him DINNER EVERY NIGHT.
Clean up after him.
Read to him and do homework with him RELIGIOUSLY.

And you don't like me?
Everyone BUT me?

That's what quickly went through my head.

But, remember, I calmed down.
I nodded said okay, and left the room.

I know it's normal.
I know I've heard it from other moms.... Sooner or later....He'll use the word HATE when speaking of his feelings for me.
Still really fucking hurt though.

This morning I kind of went through the motions, but ignored his cuteness.
He asked for me to carry him down from his bed to the floor.
"Nope. You don't like me. Remember?"
He looked at me puzzled, as if I wasn't supposed to remember he had said that.
He asked if I would snuggle with him on the couch before he attempted to eat breakfast.
"Nope. You don't like me. Remember?"
I could see him get a little frustrated, but still he said nothing and moved on.
While waiting for the Morning LatchKey Assistant, he wanted to sit on my lap in the front seat.
"Nope. You don't like me... Remember?"
This was the last straw for my kid. "I DO LIKE YOU. I LOVE YOU MAMA! I SORRY!"
He didn't cry or anything... but he was visibly upset.
As if I wasn't going to love him ever again.
Bad Parenting?
Maybe.
Funny and Payback?
CERTAINLY.
And sometimes......that's better than yelling at the top of my lungs at a 4 year old.

YOU FIRED MRS. CLAUS?

Mrs. Claus Fired......ARE YOU KIDDING?!
This VOLUNTEER....a long-standing volunteer who played the part of Mrs. Claus in a mall..... was let go by her employer (Can you really let go a VOLUNTEER)......well, yeah, you can, they told her NOT to return.....BECAUSE her car was stolen from the mall and a local news reported on it.

The mall said it was "Bad Publicity" for the mall, and asked her not to return.

The only bad publicity from the auto theft was the fact that MALL SECURITY wasn't doing there job... and there probably were very little security cameras........As I know my mall doesn't HAVE any in there parking lots.

THEN they let her go?
THAT's THE BAD PUBLICITY DUMB ASSES.

HOW DO YOU FIRE MRS. CLAUS?
You are all getting COAL in his stocking.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Psychotic

I have written several posts that had tid bits about how INSANE my mother is.
How we have cut her off....
How we as a family are much better without her.

(Abusive woman... True Evil.... I swear... She deserves it)

Well...... Her hatred Totem Poll is pretty big... But I am enemry #1 on that list, my Aunt is #2 followed by my Great Cousin at #3.

Yesterday, my mother contacted #2.......
Which means.......she's pretty desperate and angry to have made that phone call...
Also meaning.....since the phone call didn't give her any satisfaction... that I am next on the phone call list.

Oh Joy.

I can't wait.

Psychotic Wench.
I can't wait to ruin your day.

She seems to pop up around the Holidays. This is the point where she realizes that she is 100% alone. All of her "friends" rather be with their families than hers......and whatever STD she is dating wants to be with it's actual spouse than her.... So, yup.......all alone.

However, her methods on trying to not be alone is to berate, and attack.... Not to accept blame for things she has done...... Not to change her behavior or seek help for her problems...... Nothing that would actually make our Protective Walls crumble.

So.... I just am waiting for the berating to start.

-----------------

Speaking of Psychotic.
I received the Ex's drug test results in the mail this past weekend.
Oh I want to note: HE DROPPED THEM IN THE MAILBOX... I watched him leave my street on Friday night, when Klay and I were coming home from celebrating his 34th birthday. (Yeah he has 7 years on me)....
However, I could have been wrong.......so I thought nothing of it.
Only to find the drug test results sitting in the mailbox, all by their lonesome, the next morning... Before the mailman shows up.

**Giggles**

1st Absurdity: The doctor's office is in my town..... I know where it is, because I go to that office as well.... When they send me a letter, which they do often, I've had my own medical tests this year..... The postmark is in our town...........THIS LETTER.....Postmarked from the ex's town......Where there is no office of this medical practice.

2nd Absurdity: The USPS STILL re-routed it to his apartment... because he didn't put my name on the letter. Nice try Jackass......So, this is why he had to drop it off himself.

3rd Absurdity: Since I get medical testing a lot recently........to get to the bottom of my pain syndrome.... I know that all blood/urine/pathology work goes through a company called QuestDiagnostics. This test... came from LabCorps....... This medical practice NEVER refers there because their contract is with Quest. (I'm not stupid, but boy does he think I am)

4th Absurdity: His age is wrong on the form. This is someone else's test.

5th Absurdity: His name.....is bolder than ANY OF THE OTHER WRITING ont he form... and looks.... Raised..........

6th Absurdity: There's a portion of the bottom, where there was a signature........I'm thinking a physicians...... but it's been 1/2 cut off............ I wonder.

That's a lot of ABSURDITIES!

I spoke with the Ex, who first claimed he didn't drop it off.......But, when I told him I saw his car...... He said, "Well, I had someone in the car, and they dropped it in for me"
What an asshole.

He still stands by the point that he got it done........so, I'm taking the doctor's name off of the test...... and I'm going to find a number for him... If Nick gets arrested for forgery....Not my problem.

I told him this forged test was unacceptable and hung up on him.

---------------------------------

His mother finally wrote me back.......and she never told him about where and when "our" christmas was going to be.
So I feel safe taking Emry to see them on the 23rd.
I know Emry can't wait. He loves his little cousin.... and his grandmother (as all little kids do)

---------------------------------

So.........Christmas Season brings out the Psychotic in people.
Many examples above.

TAKE THIS QUIZ!

I really don't stand on any party side.
I hear them out, then make a decision based on their values and what they represent.... and if I don't think they are a complete Horses Ass....

This showed me which Politician's values I support most, and who I should probably vote for!

If anything... It's a good laugh.
And it may surprise you, based on your values, which Politician you have most in common with.

My #1 was Barrack Obama
My #2 was Rick Perry
My #3 was..... oh jeez.... I forgot. But it wasn't Bachmann.

Music Mania Monday - 12/19/11




Two of My Favorites.

WE ARE SO CLOSE TO CHRISTMAS!

Friday, December 16, 2011

Friday - 12/16/2011 - Call to Pray (or whatever you do)

Today.
There was an Amber Alert in our area.

A man, killed his ex-wife... then ran with his two small children (20months and 5 years).

Stopped Traffic Completely surrounding the area in which he was supposed to be.

He let the girls go... but he is still barricaded in a motel.

Pray that these children were not hurt while with their father.
Pray that they will be able to heal properly from the gruesome death of their mother.
Pray police are able to bring this man to justice, and not kill him... Death isn't good enough for this scum.

---------------------

It's the Christmas Season.
And yet, there is so much pain, destruction, and chaos..... It almost feels...... well....
Not the way it should.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

UNCALLED FOR. - A LOVE NOTE TO BLOGGER.COM

I am praying and hoping that BLOGGER takes note of THIS!

Dear Blogger:

THE SPAMMING HAS GOT TO STOP.

And, if this is the way I become a blog of note... scraping followers here and there... and getting hit by spam like a redheaded step child... I DON'T WANT IT.

It's annoying.
And UNCALLED FOR.

I have filed NUMEROUS WEBMASTER REPORTS...and it's as if the SPAM IS GETTING WORSE.

I don't bother many people on here... I keep to my friends (fellow followers, most of which I follow their blogs as well.)..........I don't spam strangers blogs.

I'll ask once or twice to view my site, then after that... I'm done.
We all do it.

I do NOT hit someone's site 756 times JUST BECAUSE IT'S FUN.

Oh yeah, I got spammed 756 times in an one hour period.

By who you ask? One of these many CELEBRITY SPAMMERS. I hope they die.



Spam sucks Blogger. TAKE BETTER CARE OF IT.
I cannot imagine how much SPAM the bigger blogs get... Maybe I should change my venue?
Would that be better? All blog hosting site can't have this much spam.

I want some kind of FILTER for this stuff.
There should be one...
Only cataloging the actual page hits.
I know, it's probably impossible.

I just hate it.
And now hate blogger because of it.

FIX IT.

Thursdacap - 12/15/11

I had to write my ex-mother in law a letter yesterday... Just to make sure that the EX wouldn't magically show up at dinner on the 23rd.
I hate writing this stuff, so of course, I pussy-footed around it... Shooting the breeze, asking what the plan was for the 23rd... you know.... PUSSY-FOOTING.

And then...
I added....

The only thing left on my mind, is Nick.
I'm sure you are getting the idea that things are not going smoothly on that front.
I also know this is a touchy subject for you and I to engage in.
I'm not a gossip, so I won't share... but, I hope you understand, that I have Emry's best interest at heart.
I hope you respect that, and respect my wishes that Nick shouldn't show up when we are there on the 23rd.
It would be very TRAUMATIC for Emry.
It has been a long road getting Joe comfortable with the fact that Nick isn't around, and the only thing I can tell him is, "Daddy isn't ready to be a Daddy, but when he is, we will work it out."
Please help me to protect Emry...

Thank you for helping keep our families connected, I know it is very important for all of us.


So that's what I wrote...
I thought it covered all the bases nicely, and wasn't accusatory in the slightest....
What do you think?

I hate writing these types of things... It's such a touchy subject.
But, then, I will restate... I am ALL ABOUT DOING THE RIGHT THING.
And the right thing is for Emry to know his family... regardless of how much they may hate me, or hate the situation.

But, honestly... their hatred of me and the situation is SO HYPOCRITICAL!
I can't even begin to tell you.
My ex-mother in law has never been married and raised two kids by themselves without ever really telling them about their fathers.
(There's nothing wrong with that... I commend her for that.. It takes a strong person....)
My ex- sister in law.......Had a baby, and basically told the father, who was more than willing to help, and a sweet guy... to go F'ck himself and she didn't need him.
So THAT'S TWO Women raising babies alone without men.

So... you know what I mean... Yes a touchy subject, because it's different when your Son/Half Brother is the deadbeat not being a parent. But, still, my point can be respected through all of this......

I wrote that email yesterday, and I haven't gotten a response.
I don't mean to upset anyone.
It just needed to be said.
Because, if that boundary was ever crossed... I would have to change my mind about letting "Emry know his family.".... Because in the end, his best interest is to be HAPPY and HEALTHY........Healthy environment, Healthy Lifestyle... etc. etc. If they can't see that....and can't help maintain that... We don't need them.
We have a lot of other family that loves us very much... Who understands the situation we were put in very well.

------------------

I went to dinner with an Old Friend last night...... Glenn.
I have known Glenn since I was oh... maybe 13.
So, a pretty long time.
He's always been the friend to pick me up when I was down... and drive me when I couldn't drive myself.
He's a true friend... and never has tried to abuse that friendship in anyway.
We can talk for hours, about everything, and nothing.
Good person that Glenn.

Indian Food, and a cup of coffee before bed........NOT so good.

I had the WEIRDEST NIGHTMARE EVER!

I dreamt that my father was supposed to take Emry to a Childhood friend's MOTHERS house (why, I don't know, it's a dream..) and instead, I find out that he left Emry with THE STALKER.
I found this out when I went to get Emry, and THE STALKERS CAR was in the drive.
But, no Emry, no Stalker... just the car... So I start screaming for Emry. and then He pops up, He's okay... and then the Stalker walks up right behind him... Asked how I was, then drove away. I ran in to interrogate my father as to why he would leave him with .....well, THE SCARIEST PERSON IN MY WORLD THIS PAST YEAR........ My father was nonchalant, and rude about it........and then, as we stood in his room, The floor boards start to move, and disappear.........to darkness below........I tried to get Emry to Jump onto a safe board with me........and for some reason there were other children with Emry........ I woke up as Emry and the other children started to fall into the darkness.

SO WEIRD.

I blame it on the food and the coffee.
Awful.
I woke up in a sweat.
Just awful.

Any one have an opinion on that one?
-------------------------------------------------------------

And now, I am at work.........still feeling sick to my stomach from the dream I had....
Feeling like poop.
Got to get started I suppose.

Is it the WEEKEND yet?

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

The Emry Chronicles - Christmas Concert



Emry was a "shepherd" in this years School Christmas Concert/Pagent (I'm sorry, I don't know the difference between those two words... But, clearly there is... so I'm going to use both....)

He sang his little BUTT OFF.... Screaming "Away in the Manger" and "Silent Night" at the top of his lungs... There were at least 40 kids on stage with him, and you could clearly hear him.. . Mostly in tune, I might add.

The kids were so excited to be a part of this concert/pagent with the older grades, you could tell.

And, from time to time, you would see Emry scan the crowd, to find us (My father, Klay and I).......flaunt us a smile and a wave... As in to say, "Look what I'm doing, Look how big I am".

The only problem... The part of the concert/pagent that the pre-k through 3rd graders were in... was the last part. We didn't get home until 9:00pm.

So, Emry knocked out....... in his new Twin sized bed.

Oh wait..... Did I drop that in and not tell you the wonderous-ness of it? (Yeah, I know wonderous-ness isn't a word, but I thought wonderocity would be a BIG stretch).

This past Saturday, the delivery men came to build Emry's BRAND NEW, ALL WOOD, TWIN LOFT BED. It came with a bookshelf, a small dresser, and a pull out desk. I found a mattress via MainStays (Walmarts furnishing brand) for $90 bucks, and honestly, it's a super comfy mattress. 100x cushier than the toddler mattress he once had.  Emry picked his own sheets and comforter... so it really had his personal touch.

He loves it.
He's sleeping so well now... It makes me wonder, if he had trouble falling asleep due to the comfort level of the toddler bed.... Because now...........OUT LIKE A LIGHT. I can barely read him a Chapter in a book without him knocking out.

I had to purchase a multi-headed lamp, in order to get the room more light... but, now that's it in (I installed it last night, I am super handy....no directions needed!)......His room is bright as the sun, at nighttime... no more straining to read... No more of me fearing his eyes were being strained if he decided to play up there before bedtime... Perfect Light.

Last problem, which will be easily handled.

He needs a chair in their now.
Like one he can pull up to the desk, if need be... or one for ME to sit and read at nighttime.
Right now, I am sitting on the floor.....or standing next to the bed, which I don't mind... but hey, sitting would be nice.

I have a chair in my room... that I don't use........and material that was given to me......that actually matches Emry's color scheme..........A friend is loaning me her staple gun.....WALL-AH! I am going to reapholster the chair.
TA-DA!

So, I have to wait for the staple gun, and then I am in BUSINESS!


But, all-in-all Emry's life is pretty sweet right now.
We had an amazing week.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Communication

I like to think that I am a great communicator.

I say what I need to say, when I need to say it.... mostly. (I say what I need to say, when I need to say it, as long as it's in the appropriate setting. I have tact.)

I also like to think that I am confident enough to stand my ground when I feel the need to.....

But, at the moment, I'm unable to speak about a certain subject, that is causing me a great amount of grief and pain... not to mention worry.

Why is it, when you worry about something, you just can't express it.

It's almost like the feeling the exorcists must get when they are trying to learn the demon's name. By knowing the name it gives more power.

By knowing the anguish... will it give it more power.

Is it better just to tell myself I'm being stupid and forget it.

Blame it on the estrogen?

The dingo ate my baby... wait........wrong conversation............ ; )

I can't even type it here.
Isn't that bizarre, the place where EVERYONE knows me, but I don't have to face on a daily basis.... I can't vent it.

I want to.
I can't though.

.............................................

I'm going further down the path of feeling completely and utterly lost.
Feeling bored and unworthy of happiness...
and it's me.
I'm projecting this on to myself.

But, I can't stop... it's like an unending spiral downward.

Which I fear the most, I am not in a position where I can hit bottom....
So, I keep hoping to find a way to rectify this...
But, even if I have one day that builds me up, the next just tears me down again....

And, hear I sit... typing...
Because honestly, if I tried to explain this aloud I couldn't.... it would sound just.... pitiful.

Maybe that's what I am.

I'm pretty psyched about this


Yeah, they're cheesy movies... but, they're funny and cute.

I dig 'em.

I'm a geek like that.

Yahoo Article Tuesday - and the nominee's are...

The Picks...

These are a list of the best movie, best actor/actress... Best yada yada, coming up with the years awards shows.

I want to note one Actress in particular

MELISSA MCCARTHY IS NOMINATED FOR BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS IN HER ROLE FROM "BRIDESMAIDS". A utterly useless movie, except for Melissa McCarthy... WHO WAS HYSTERICAL.

"Who is this woman?," you ask.

I am shocked and appauled you don't know her.

She was made famous to me by her role as Sookie St. James, in the Gilmore Girls TV Series.
Image Detail


She's also in a little show called "MIKE and MOLLY"... it's pretty funny.

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If you didn't see "Bridesmaids", (One trust me, you didn't miss much, it was painful at times.), Melissa played a very hard, rough around the edges woman.....Crude, and crass......and hysterical. She stole the show whenever the screen hit her.... The movie could have been solely about her, and I wouldn't have minded.

Image Detail


LOOK UP THIS ACTRESS.
She's the best.
I love her.

Monday, December 12, 2011

Bleck.... Can I just go back to bed?

I'm really lost... the past few weeks.
I've really lost the sparkle, and the joy of this life.
I'm 27, this shouldn't happen.

I'm depressed.
It's a fact.

I'm Overwhelmed.
It's a fact.

But, come on, who isn't?

The Ex, supposedly underwent the drug-testing, and supposedly the doctors office is mailing me the results...
He wants to see Emry for Christmas, or New Years Eve (The Ex's Birthday).

I still have yet to see this drug test.
So, we'll see if it ever appears... I doubt it.
But, still, I hate when this loser just pops in to make problems.

Emry is finally happy...
Emry is finally starting to get into a groove, and feel safe in his surroundings.
Emry FINALLY has a base...

Why does this guy have to always pop in and SCREW IT UP.
I'm glad that I've put the restrictions on it... I'm glad I set up these hurdles, to prove that he's in the proper place to be a parent. . . .
I still..... am very weary about him ever spending time with my son.

Nick is a liar, a schemer, procrastinator... He will do anything in order NOT to follow the rules.
If I actually receive paperwork from a "doctor's office"... I'm going to need to check it out... I'm going to have to verify it's actually NICK's.
I wouldn't put it past him to FORGE such a piece of paper.

And, if I receive a typed letter saying that he's drug-free... I'm so calling the doctor directly.
Is this your signature?
Did you type this?

Blow up this losers spot.

Stressed over this.
I want my kid safe.
Nick will NEVER be safe.

Then comes the problem of spending December 23, 2011 with HIS family... so that Emry can see his grandmother, great grandmother, aunt and cousin.
I am all about doing the right thing.

I fear that one of these meetings will result in Nick showing up... or a gift being presented on his behalf.
Then the questions come from Emry.

So.. I think I am going to try and meet these people for dinner at the half way point... and swap gifts... then leave. I'm uncomfortable being in their home, as I am sure they are uncomfortable in being in mine.

STRESSED.
So Flipping Stressed.

-----------------------------------------------------
Christmas Eve will be spent going from Lunch at Klay's Parents to Dinner at My Uncles...

More stress.. more making sure every base is covered.... That we get everywhere when we are supposed to.

But, at least I won't have to cook.....
----------------------------------------------------

There is a distance growing between Klay and I.
Something is changing.
I'm really not sure what is causing it...
But, I predicted it in the beginning... the very beginning....
Good things just don't last for me...
And even though he is going through the motions...
I feel they are more for Emry's benefit then mine.....or even his own benefit.

It was very apparent last night........
You could feel the tension between us so much, that, I WILLINGLY DID CHORES instead of laying with him on the couch.
Then he wanted to mush, then he wanted to stay (Sunday is the night that he goes home. He has a life too..)
and I didn't want him to.
I really wanted him to go home.
He was almost insistent to stay, until I told him to "Go Home" and used the excuse of him messing with our schedule, and if he stays Sundays into Mondays... then it leaks into staying all the time... and I don't want him to resent me that he has NONE of his own time.
He said okay, accepted my answer, and went home.

I just really...
I don't want to lose him...
But I also don't want this tension...
This lack of a connection...
I would rather know what was going on in his head...
But, since that isn't going to happen even though "I'd tell you if there was something wrong." was said...
and I know there is.......
I just have to deal.

I vent here... as so I don't jump to conclusions in person.
I figure out my head here, so that I don't turn in to an oober freak, and have an explosion moment.
It's safe here.
I like it here.

(See no problem writing today, I got a LOT on my mind... You were right Eric.....)

A lot of my prior relationship issues flow out, when I get nervous with Klay.
I remember how things used to be.
Not living in the past, but I am definitely scarred by it.

My ex stopped sleeping with me after I had the baby... he said I was fat.
I'm still a little heavier than I should be, but I work consistently at it, and I swear, 15-20 more pounds and I'd be a happy camper.  I'd be at a "healthy" BMI. So that's my goal.
But still.. regardless of all the progress I made, and how beautiful I am told to be.... I still feel fat. I still feel ugly....... I still look in the mirror and wonder why Klay would sleep with me.
I wonder why any man would look at me and think, "That's a good looking chick."

I know my ex stopped sleeping with me, because he was sleeping around... I get that.

But, I can't stop feeling very insecure in my skin....
So, I need to start working out consistently again... and getting that confidence back.
6 months ago, I would have told you I was fine... but, everything has gone soft... since the lack of exercise.
Soft = my insecurity growing.

Just saying.

Nick stopped wanting to be around me.
He called me a bitch.....an ice queen.......That I made him feel bad about himself.
and I am a bitch... but I am far from an Ice Queen. I consistently try to make people happy, and go above and beyond the normalcy's.

I know he wanted not to be around me because he didn't love me.....I know he didn't love himself, and looked for love everywhere he could find it.

I know these things weren't REALLY because of me.

They still hurt though.

It still hurts that I was divorced by the age of 26.

I am still scared that the man that I put my heart and soul in now... will disappear for the same reasons as the last.

Because in the end... you never know what's going on behind someones eyes. What they are really thinking about you...... how they really feel.

He loves me.
Is he in love with me?
Does that ever really happen?

Klay's birthday is this coming Sunday...
And.... I am fearful about his birthday and the impending holiday...

With this distance forming, is it only going to deteriorate after this Holiday Season?

I'm not sure.
But, I'm scared.
Terrified.

I'm afraid about Emry having to endure this problem, both losing his actual father to STUPIDITY, and the possibility of losing a man he feels to be his father.........


I'm alone.
I've got only you few who read this to rely on.........

But at the end of the day......
I'm alone in my own head.
And right now.... it isn't a safe place to be.

Music Mania Monday - 12/12/11



Classic.

12 days to Christmas Eve.

Friday, December 9, 2011

Friday Potluck Post

Fate
That you are fair or wise is vain,
Or strong, or rich, or generous;
You must have also the untaught strain
That sheds beauty on the rose.
There is a melody born of melody,
Which melts the world into a sea.
Toil could never compass it,
Art its height could never hit,
It came never out of wit,
But a music music-born
Well may Jove and Juno scorn.
Thy beauty, if it lack the fire
Which drives me mad with sweet desire,
What boots it? what the soldier's mail,
Unless he conquer and prevail?
What all the goods thy pride which lift,
If thou pine for another's gift?
Alas! that one is born in blight,
Victim of perpetual slight;—
When thou lookest in his face,
Thy heart saith, Brother! go thy ways!
None shall ask thee what thou doest,
Or care a rush for what thou knowest,
Or listen when thou repliest,
Or remember where thou liest,
Or how thy supper is sodden,—
And another is born
To make the sun forgotten.
Surely he carries a talisman
Under his tongue;
Broad are his shoulders, and strong,
And his eye is scornful,
Threatening, and young.
I hold it of little matter,
Whether your jewel be of pure water,
A rose diamond or a white,—
But whether it dazzle me with light.
I care not how you are drest,
In the coarsest, or in the best,
Nor whether your name is base or brave,
Nor tor the fashion of your behavior,—
But whether you charm me,
Bid my bread feed, and my fire warm me,
And dress up nature in your favor.
One thing is forever good,
That one thing is success,—
Dear to the Eumenides,
And to all the heavenly brood.
Who bides at home, nor looks abroad,
Carries the eagles, and masters the sword.

Thursday, December 8, 2011

BLOGGERS THIS IS IMPORTANT - READ

BLOGGERS BEWARE.. YOU COULD BE SUED.

This makes no sense to me.
Because, when I was being defamed by another blogger... I went to a lawyer who said I had no case, that blogs were a freedom of speech issue....

So, it makes me wonder how the laws vary per state.

This woman spoke her mind about a lawyer (first mistake, jeez, got to be careful who you blottack <blog attack>)

Look up the laws in your state, if you are going to start controversially blogging...

Just looking out for my peeps.

Thursdacap - 12/811

I'm losing the drive to type.
This is becoming a chore... it is no longer any fun.
I don't feel much better after I vent something out, and sharing my view on things... well... has lost it's charm and appeal.

I'm not changing anyone's world out there.
I know it.
I'm barely changing mine.

How do I fix that?
When did I fall in to this rut?

*ponders*

I'm not sure... and at the moment, I cannot think of a way too fix it.

But, I know, the second I stop this blog... I'll need it again. So, I don't want to necessarily shut it down.

This happens to me every couple of years or so... I start to get bored with the norm.
(This is what usually gets me in to trouble.... Bored Kat = Trouble)

I can't just up and leave this job, I need it...
I can't move to a different job, there aren't many out there right now...
I can't dye my hair FUSCHIA.......the job wouldn't like it.
New Tattoo? Can't afford it... and I refuse to get a cheap and craptastic one.
Maybe a shopping spree... oh, can't do that... Low funds.... Need savings in case of emergency.

Ugh... nothing to get me out of my rut.
*pouts*

Spend the day hiking....hmmmmmmmmm.......... I could do that, as long as weather prevails.
A day of relaxing?
Maybe?

We'll see....

Sorry I don't have more.
I haven't been feeling it lately.