People Just as Crazy as Me

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Extra Tuesday Thoughts - I'm Ready

I've been depressed.
We've all seen a drastic change in my posting... I know it, you know it... Let's not lie about it anymore.
I've also admitted to being SAD and DEPRESSED quite a few times... So, we all know I'm not in denial.

I started taking Evening Primrose Oil Capsules... It's supposed to help with the Moodiness of PMS... but, heck, it is working on my depression too. Most of my depression, I believe, comes from my daily tension and pain..... So, like PMS, it's not good.....So...........After taking this for the past 5 days... and getting some needed rest (not a lot, but more than usual), I feel great. Better than I have in a while.

So, being as I am clear headed... I came to this decision.

Are you all pleased?
**looks around the room of blank faces**

Oh man, you all look confused... Maybe I jumped too far ahead, didn't give enough back story....

**re-reads post**

I completely missed the topic.

Okay, let me start again.

After taking said supplements, and feeling great... I was able to enjoy my surroundings.
Let's go back to the other night.

I'm reading, Klay's reading, Emry's playing with something... No TV on ANYWHERE.
I forget the actual conversation, but it ended with the following sentence from Klay:
"We have history. *smiles*"

I smiled and nodded a reply to him, and we went back to our blissful silence and existence.

We all slept well, and the day basically repeated itself... Quiet, Content... Calm....

There and Then I decided:
 
What am I ready for?
I am ready for a real life.
I am ready for good things.
I am ready to be comfortable.

I am ready to take the next step.
I am ready for Klay to move in.

**JERKING BRAKE SOUNDS**
I know I can hear all of you saying... WHA??????
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I know he isn't ready... and I'm not sure when Klay will be ready... Since his privacy and seclusion is very important to him, and for good reason... But, I am ready... and I am ready to express that to him.

I'm not sure when I will do such, but it will be soon, and I will probably blog about it when I do... you know, not directly after... but soon after.........

I understand it's a big step.
I understand it means that we are moving forward...
But, it's a step I need.
It's a step that feels so right to me.. you know.... deep down....

So, I think I'll talk with him over dinner... maybe we'll go out some time soon....
It's a big deal, and it makes me nervous to discuss it, you know, in case I'm turned down, or told no... or even worse NOT NOW
No is an okay word in my world... I just get bummed when I hear it...
As we all do.
But hearing... NOT NOW..... It makes approaching the conversation again even more painful.
So... That's why having this conversation needs to be at the appropriate time.

I'll keep y'all posted.

In other news...
I've also decided to be healthier... This has been a goal that I've been striving to, for the past 3 years. I eat better, I exercise more and more, then slack, then exercise... THEN SLACK.... But, I have made the commitment to EAT much better too.

Before I had Emry, I used to keep a food log.
I know y'all remember that before Emry I was 5'4 and 115lbs... and I know you are asking me WHY a skinny minnie would keep a food log.
BECAUSE, I WANTED TO BE A SKINNY MINNIE!

After I had Emry, that stopped... 100% COMPLETELY.
So, today, I started the food log.

Counting Calories isn't for everyone.
It works for some, but not for others.
It worked for me.
I stayed under the 2,000 calorie a day recommendation.
And I was fine.
Since I am estimating that I eat WAY more than that these days... I figure that calorie count will still allow me to lose weight.

So, please be prepared to see Notations of Breakfast, Lunch, Dinner, Snacks, and Water Intake on my posts.
It will help me to catalog how good I'm doing, and on which days I eat more... Maybe the post will help me pin point why....

SO FAR TODAY

Breakfast
Fresh Fruit Salad - 1 Cup (mixed Blackberries, Grapes, Cantaloupe, Pineapple) - 35 Cal
1/4 Cup Rice Krispies (sprinkled over for texture and crunch) - 26 Cal
14 oz. - Hot Green Tea - 0 Cal
TOTAL: 61 calories

Mid-Morning Snack
1 roll - 120 cal
4 pads butter - 80
TOTAL: 200 calories

Lunch
1 cup Lentil/Meat Soup - 130 cal
Lean Cuisine - 250 cal
TOTAL 380 cal

1/2 day Total: 641 calories
Daily Calories remaining: 1,349
Water Intake:
20 ounces

2 comments:

  1. wow!! i will try the evening primrose oil as well!

    wishing you the best in all you do, and a big high five for getting healthier!!

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  2. yay! go you!! i wish you all the best in this next step in your life!! cheers to an amazing 2012!

    i'm a noob at the food journaling thing, but it is working for me!

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