People Just as Crazy as Me

Monday, January 30, 2012

Running.

After he had the dream that I left him, I told him that wasn't happening...
After I had the dream that he wouldn't let me go, in a scary monster way... He told me he was there for me. To protect me. That he loved me.

I hit the wall today.
Love isn't enough.
Support is necessary.
I don't have enough support.

I need to stop waiting on things that aren't coming.
And working toward a life where I can spend MORE time with my son.... regardless of our family unit.
The only people Emry and I can rely on for support, is ME and HIM.
No one else.

I do not want the:
If it's right, it'll work out.
Don't be rash... think  about it.
This love may have not been forever it may have been right now.

I love you all, I don't want advice.

I don't want anyone to placate me.
I do not want anyone to hold my hand through this.

I want to be upset.
I want to run.

And that's just what's going to happen here.
It's too much strain on me.

I can't balance all of this anymore.
Something has got to give.
Unfortunately, and most definitely with great sadness... the thing that's giving... is Klay.


And that's the decision that needs to be made.
I will not force someone to be more than they want to be.
I will not be strained between two worlds.

Giving up.... and it sucks.

1 comment:

  1. Oh sweets, do I know what you're going through. I thought I had to compromise everything I ever wanted for love, because the love I got didn't fulfill any of the ideals I had; emotional support, affection, compliments, kissing. I made myself give up the necessities in love in order to be a relationship and he never had to change a thing. I had to change my needs to fit what he was willing to give. No more. There are men who can give it, who want to give it, who are waiting for the right woman to be able to share it. Some men are either not there emotionally, not feeling it, or simply don't have it to give. I am so very proud of you for putting you and Emry first. You are the two most important people in your family.

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