So last night:
Meeting with the Ex and SPOILING my diet... all in one.
I understand why after Emry I kept the weight on. . . . . I ate to remain calm. I ate to be happy.. and not one to PUNCH HIM IN THE FACE REPEATEDLY WITH ANY OBJECT CLOSE ENOUGH TO GRAB.
I'll exercise a lot more today. It'll equal out. Will not lose focus in that respect.
Nick is devastatingly small... his face gaunt.
He said all the right things, as he usually does.
He had no real answers, as he usually doesn't.
But, he came, was there before me, was open to a civil conversation.
He looked at Emry's physical progression over the past year... via photos.
He read letters written by those close to Emry... about his mental/emotional state.
He cried when he read my fathers.
He attests to do better.
He wants to come to dinner once/twice during the week, and see where that takes us.
(no where quick, I'll tell you that)
But, the one stipulation:
"I will bring this up to Emry, and if he doesn't want to do it, you have to wait until he does."
And that's it.
That he had to accept it.
That he had to be prepared (if Emry wanted to see him) to be called Nick, not daddy. Be prepared for Emry's questions and give him honest replies.
He had to be prepared that his answers wouldn't be good enough and that Emry would ask him to leave.
We discussed every aspect of this.
Positive and Negative.
But, it all rests on Emry.
I thank everyone for their support, and kind words..... They all were helpful. They all gave me strength.
And, I came home... to Klay.
Who had picked Emry up from school, and allowed for me to properly prepare for my "meeting".
But, had left, when I had left.... I didn't expect for him to be home when I got there.
But there he was.
On my couch.
Waiting for me.
Told me he loved me.
And was silently supportive.
And that... is how the cookie crumbles.