People Just as Crazy as Me

Monday, February 20, 2012

Music Monday - 2/20/12

I hurt myself today
To see if I still feel
I focus on the pain
The only thing that's real
The needle tears a hole
The old familiar sting
Try to kill it all away
But I remember everything

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

I wear this crown of thorns
Upon my liar's chair
Full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
Beneath the stains of time
The feelings disappear
You are someone else
I am still right here

What have I become
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know goes away
In the end
And you could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

If I could start again
A million miles away
I would keep myself
I would find a way

(originally written/performed by: Nine Inch Nails)

I like the Johnny Cash version, it's very haunting.

I find that over time, my good intentions, always seem to fall short.
It's something that I can't exactly explain.
Maybe it's because I can't maintain the standard in which I put forth.
And, as we all can tell, I always attempt to put my best foot forward.
But, I can't maintain it... not forever.
I'm not sure, perhaps it's lack of motivation.
Maybe it's little defeats picking away at my resolve.
Or maybe it's the unnecessary hardships that attack at the worst times.

Nick had me served for legal visitations.
Well, he didn't serve me...
He had my father served, while Klay and I were out at dinner.
Is that even legal?

We (Nick and I) set up a schedule.
We were working on making Emry more comfortable.
Remember when Emry needed a break?
Well, Nick got bitchy.... and obviously didn't like it.
Immaturity had me served.

Want to hear the best thing about this.
He had the papers since December 2, 2012.
He legally had until February 23, 2012 to have me served.
(Yup, you heard it here, he had it for over two months before I was served.)
And the court hearing is on March 2, 2012.

I called him the instant I saw it.
And, after our conversation, we're going to the court house, and he's dropping the claim.
Because he is being unreasonable, and we have always agreed, allowing the courts to decide what's good for Emry isn't right.
Emry needs to dictate is level of comfort.
And that's how it's going to be.

I have made every effort to allow Nick to see him.
I have never held Emry as a bargaining chip.
I have always looked out for my sons best interest.
Opinions? Am I delusional?

I have all my back up emails..showing this.

But, I'm hopeful they will let him drop his claim... because honestly, that would be less painful.
I just hate how the courts handle things... Yes, it's by the law, but some times isn't whats BEST for the child.
Not every child can be roped in to their rules... and standards.
Courts are for people who refuse to speak to each other about the children.
I don't have that problem.
(Someone else does... *cough Cough*.....I know, I'm being a tad immature, but seriously!)

However, if they tell us "no." and we have to go.... He better be damn sure I am bringing my "A-Game".

I have made every attempt.
I have tried to keep my son comfortable and safe.

And, can we all remember back to a time, before the summer, when Nick used to take Emry for weekends?
And Emry would have him call my father or myself to COME HOME?
I have that documented too.


It isn't the way I wanted to spend my 4 day weekend.
Worrying about this nonsense.
But, it was...

So sad.
Such a selfish person.
Only thinking of himself, and not of the kid...


We'll get through it.
I know.
But, until then...

I feel stuck.
And, I feel scared...
Because, Emry doesn't want to spend NIGHTS with Nick.
He wants to be home in bed.
And, I know that if weekend visitations are set... then, Emry will be forced to do it.
And, when he begs to come home, or when he can't spend the whole weekend, we'll end BACK in court.
An endless cycle that I don't want Emry to be a part of....


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