You could learn my speech patterns, and thus, here the tone of my rants... because honestly... I'm REALLY quirky. You'll see and hear... one day!
I recommend you going to check out her site, if you're into all things paranormal... It's pretty cool. Watch out for Dale, I'm not sure he's had all his shots....
If you've been following, you've been reading about my ups and downs.
As of recently, I've been feeling defeated, and have hit a wall in my relationship of over a year.
Klay is a great guy, smart, funny, hot... oh, dear lord is he hot... I got a thing for long hair. And he's got that.
But, with my 4 (soon to be 5) year old son, Emry, in our lives... the relationship has moved in to an "interesting" **To say the least** place.
Emry calls Klay "daddy".... this is due to the on again off again relationship my ex-husband (the sperm donor) has had. He ignored Emry for almost 8 months. And now, because he's trying (in his own SLACKER WAYS) he comes twice a week for "dinner"... This past Tuesday, he brought nothing, and was late... so I fed my son. Not surprised, trust me, I am not surprised.... Once a loser, always a loser.
Klay and I... well, since I have Emry I have to take cues on him as to what the comfort level of my relationship with Klay should be. And, I've gotten to the point where I know, and am sure that Klay being around 3 days and nights plus whatever afternoons he gets over before the kids in bed... well, it isn't enough anymore.
Emry needs more stability... and honestly... so do I.
So, since I know that Klay is not ready to go there.
I've decided to end that relationship.
I was going to discuss it with him this week... let him know why I've come to this decision...
But, I chickened out.
So, with the weekend, and the Super Bowl (which Klay was going to cook for) coming up so quickly... I am dreading it... I just, well I want to have this very important ADULT conversation.
To let him know where I am.
But... I hate the timing.
I'm still going to do it.
I just, well, It sucks... and will always suck. I'll get it done.
What I think I'm having the most trouble with is, who he is, as a person.
I never knew a man could be as loving, and comforting, and affectionate... as Klay is.
(Don't tell him I told you, but he is.)
I never thought I would have such.. support, and willingness to help.
It's the moments of separation that are really putting a rift in our world.
Having a kid means that you need to watch out for your kids safety (physically, mentally, emotionally).
I'm just trying to do that.
Even if it means losing the best man I've ever known... (other than my father, but you know, I'm a daddy's girl).
So, with that said, keep sending me amazing energy... I'll get there.
To another sad, sad, song....
Sorry I had to go there... It's the first thing I thought of...
Not another sad love song...
Just another sad, P.I.T.A thing I have to deal with.
Tonight is a NICK NIGHT.
I hope he gets with this program, or just steps out...
Anyway, I should end this post, because I made a small boo-boo at work, and my boss is throwing a slight hissy fit about it.
I'm only human!