People Just as Crazy as Me

Friday, March 2, 2012

Friday - 3/2/12 - Gloom and Doom

Some times ....
I just want to scream...
Like loud...

And other times...
I like to sit and pout...
really quiet like...

When the weather go from bright sunny warm days
Coldish, hazy, and damp days
I always get that doom and gloom feeling.

Does this happen to anyone else?

I find that as of recent.
Even if the weather is bright and sunny.
I am not.
I blame this on my ex-husband being around.
His energy is just toxic.
2 days @ 1 hour each day = 2 hours of energy sucking numbness.

I'm serious.
He just brings a sense a macabre to any situation.
(Anyone get the POTC reference in there?)

He just says things, and does things that remind me...
You haven't changed.
You'll never change.
Emry is a good soul, great energy kid... why do you want to fuck with that?
Oh, I know why, because you are incapable of producing your own good energy.
Hate is a strong word.
I feel so sorry for him.
That he can't see the forest through the trees.
(Is that how the saying goes?)
He is so complacent to be... NOTHING.
Aspirations that go nowhere.
The only way he gets things is by doing things a dishonest way.
No drive to every improve.
Excuses for everything.

You could see the way he was trying to take Emry's energy last night.
He kept trying to sit him on his lap. Emry would get down, and move away...
He kept pulling him back.
Maybe he's trying to be loving?
No. Just not what I got.
And, if it happens again... I'm going to say something.
He just seems to be very pushy with Emry.
If someone keeps continually moving away from you... why are trying to touch them?


Yes, I'm venting.

Nick asks me, in private (which is a step in the right direction), what we are doing this weekend.
That he wanted to take Emry to a movie.
I told him we were busy for the next few weekends... which we are.

But, honestly, Emry isn't ready to be alone with Nick.
Trust me, Emry and I talk about this a lot. Emry brings it up, if you're wondering.
He is very comfortable with Nick being in our house.
But, he doesn't want to go with him.
He just doesn't.
No reason.
Just doesn't want to.

AND, I'm a little uncomfortable with Nick taking him alone.
Can my emotional feelings (that are UNEXPRESSED TO EMRY) leak over somehow?
But, I'm sure that's not what's going on.

Emry doesn't trust him.
I don't trust him.
And... that's it.

Anyone else have a view on this?

I gauged that maybe in a month... if Nick follows through with being consistent... that maybe Emry may be open to an afternoon out...

that's if Nick is consistent.
Which he isn't.

He can't get it through his head about food for Emry.
Emry has allergies.
Emry likes very plain things.
So, I told Nick... if he was going to get Chicken Nuggets... go for Tyson brand.
No soy.
AND they're plain, no weird seasoning.
What does he buy?

Because they were probably cheaper.
and he CLAIMS to be broke.

But, as soon as Emry saw them.
He refused to eat it.
"You got to try it."
He takes a TINY bite, "I try it and don't like it."
I could tell why, and then I tried it myself.... to attempt to coax the kid to eat it.

Today, I look up the ingredients.
You are going to love this.

Chicken Breast with Rib Meat, Water, Seasoning (Soy Protein Isolate, Milk Non-Fat Dry, Salt, Sodium Phosphate, Spice(s) Breaded With: (Wheat Flour Bleached, Water, Salt, Corn Flour Yellow, Soybean(s) Oil, Dextrose, Yeast, Sugar, Spice(s), Black Pepper, Guar Gum, Paprika Oleoresin, Annatto, Breading Set in Vegetable Oil

I'm going to kill him.
He just doesn't get it.
He just doesn't care.

I think that he does it purposely so that I tell him to stop bringing food.
I just feed Emry after he leaves.
And I document: EVERYTHING.

One of these days.
I'll get some gumption.
And I'll just say no.
Just leave us alone.
Hopefully... that'll be the day Emry is done with him.
If that day ever comes.

I'm in a funny position.
What Emry wants... which is to get to know Nick.
What's right for Emry....


What a funny place to be.

Just a vent.
Nothing else to say.

I just wish he'd leave us alone.
Just realize that he isn't grown, and that he isn't what Emry needs.
Emry needs stability and consistency.
And all Nick is consistent with is fucking up.

He can't read ingredients.
He can't remember things his kid likes.
He can't remember his kids ALLERGIES.
He can't remember what his kid likes.
He can't interpret that his kid doesn't LIKE when he touches him.

Just very dense.
Very ignorant.

I should just move.
Get a job far far away.
Oooh... the Land of Faraway... Anyone see that movie?
I'm losing my focus.
I should be working.
I'll get to that I guess.

Just feeling empty.
IT's the gloomy and doomy day.

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