People Just as Crazy as Me

Friday, March 16, 2012

Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother - "indomitable"

Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother
(aka: The Life of a
Pseudo-Single Mother)
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(DISCLAIMER: I do not mean to offend anyone. There are different strokes for different folks, and we all have different lives, goals, aspirations. What I write about in these posts is not meant to be the "only way", "the right way", "better than you". It's just my opinion, use it where you can. Comment or Criticize too, how else do we grow as people, if we don't listen to a little criticism?)

"that cannot be subdued or overcome, as persons, will, or courage"

In other words, undefeatable.

I have met a lot of divorced or single mothers who are defeated by their circumstance.
And justifiably so, raising a child (or children) is not easy. Working on top of it... even harder.

Somehow, I was of the mindset of not being broken by this circumstance.

I have heard, "I shouldn't have to do this alone." "It's not fair that he gets to have a life and I don't." "If he won't step up, why should I?"

My favorite one, "You let him get away with too much, by doing as much as you do."
Yep. I've had someone say that to me.

Now, here's my opinion on the whole single mom thing as it comes to 
taking care of/supporting your child. 

Yes, it sucks. Yes, it is not what any of us wanted. I bet more than half of us wanted the storybook life, with the house and a white fence. A husband/boyfriend/companion to love us and provide for our family. Yes, we probably, in this economy, also realized we would have to work a little too... But, all in all... To be a happy mother and wife/girlfriend/companion was definitely on that list.

However, it is not the hand we were dealt. I am not one to let the fuckery of a "man child" ruin the world of my innocent child. It is not my son's fault that one half of his biological genes is a fuck up. (Who can't even provide for himself.)

I, stepped up enough for two people. I work my ass off. I get up at 430am every weekday. I get ready for work, make breakfast, do a chore, and then by 530a I am waking up Emry. I get him fed, dressed, and presentable for school. By 7a we are at his school dropping him off at latchkey, and I am flying (quite literally) to work.

No, I do not have the worst job on earth. Yes, I use the word cake walk a lot with my position. I am very lucky. But, I wasn't always. I had the crappy jobs too. Let's meander off course for a moment:

I was trying to get my massage therapy license when I had my son. Infancy and Studying was not easy. Being dirt poor, while the ex worked a full time job, made it harder. In between school and being the sole parent (even though the ex was around, here and there.. yes we were married at that time, and no it doesn't mean he was with us. Yes, he was that big of a loser.) I  worked too. Stupid mall jobs, that did not care about me obtaining an education or being a mom. Late hours. Weird Hours. EVER CHANGING SHIFTS. Being paid shit for a lot of extra work.

Than, I graduated, and went into SPA work. Sounds calm and relaxing... right? Not so much.
Once again. Weird Shift, Weird Hours, A spa owner that would DISCOUNT EVERY SERVICE WE DID (supposedly to get more clientele coming in the door), thus, my income... not so great. However, this woman understood I was a working mother, who's husband (God, do I hate calling him that) was deployed all the time. (Yeah, when they ex couldn't get a real job, he assumed the Naval Reserves would be good for "us". No. Just him.  Another way for him to stick his head in the sand, and cheat, and NOT grow up.) Or did she? After a 14 hour Saturday of straight massaging.... My arms were tired, and it was 20 minutes after I was supposed to be on the way home, I told her I had to go. "It's not my fault you haven't the proper childcare. You have two massages left." The other massage therapist never showed. I told her I had to go, she grabbed my arms and yelled at me... Like I was a disobedient child. That was it... I was done there. Nuh-uh. Fuck that.

MERCHANDISING for Home Depot Garden Department came next. See what I told you? Craptastic Jobs have riddled my past. I lost a lot of weight lugging plants, trees, etc. from place to place. I learned not to totally HATE bugs, or be COMPLETELY frightened of them. I got the best tan I had in years. Once again, crap pay, crap hours. Nice people though. Nice company.

That brings me to the cake walk job. (I know it took a while to get back on track... sorry.) Emry was a little over 3 when I got this job. Slowly after, I got divorced too. I am glad that I did all the crap work that led me here. Because now, we don't have a lot of money, but we have money to survive.

Yes, I work far away, but, I support my son and my home. In the end, it will all work out in the wash.

I am not going to be defeated just because I am doing more than any one woman should have to.

I work at a job and then I come home to work in the house.
The house will not clean itself (believe me, I have begged for a cleaning poltergeist... Summoned and prayed for... it won't come... obviously it is already employed somewhere else).
The laundry is the same problem...
Homework doesn't get checked over by anyone else.
It's me.

I have Klay.
He is a blessing. (Even though he'd snark at me just for calling him that... not the religious type)
He is why I am a PSEUDO-Single mother.
He is becoming more and more helpful as time goes on.
He is there for Emry and I.
He is as supportive as he can be... and in time, I know that will increase.
But, even if it didn't... I know I can do this .... I know that I can do it all...

I know that doing it all sucks.
But it just doesn't change the fact that (in my mind) it has to get done.

I have been on medicaid.
I have been on WIC.
I have been THIS CLOSE to needing welfare.
But, all of that is because the dead weight... you know.... ex........ was holding us down.

Once, I realized that I was strong and didn't need him... Him leaving, wasn't a big deal.
Moving forward and upward was easy.

Life isn't perfume hearts and butterflies for me.
It's hard.
But, I believe that if I work hard, in the end... something will give.
It will get easier.

"When you are a mother, you are never really alone in your thoughts. A mother always has to think twice, once for herself and once for her child." 
~Sophia Loren, Women and Beauty

"Being a mother is learning about strengths you didn't know you had, and dealing with fears you didn't know existed." 
~Linda Wooten

This single mother needs to be indomitable.
Undefeated by circumstance.
Unyielding to follow the societal norms.

Don't give up.
I know the future is unclear, and dark.
I know there are some who might feel lost.
Take you child's hand, and push forward...
Do right for you, and your child...
And don't stop... until you see the sun shining.

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Happy Friday Everyone!


  1. i'm pretty sure i've said this before but it's always nice to be reminded. you are a wonderful momma, and do so much for your little guy. you have twice the strenth than i have and most woman for that matter, hands down. :)

    oh and i tagged you on my posty. :)

  2. I know several strong single mothers who didn't really choose to be that, but circumstances forced them into it. They handle challenges with humor, strength, and confidence.
    Dating Single Mother

    1. Thanks for the spam Jony Gibson. Please do not comment again, unless you have something productive to say.