People Just as Crazy as Me

Wednesday, April 11, 2012

April 11, 2012 - Second Post

You ever have that feeling that something is coming?
You ever get that tickle in the back of your neck...
The wind just seems to be blowing something right toward you.


You're not sure when, but, you know to watch out.
After this happens a few times, you learn to stay protected.


My dad and I call it a "shift in the force".
Yes, it's a Star Wars reference, but, it also links to a lot of the energy work I do.


Usually, when I feel this coming...
I think it's my mother.
She's a never ending burden on our lives.
If you haven't read about her in any of my previous posts...
She's just not a well person.
My dad says, "She's sick and not feeling well either."
Between her MS and her other mental problems... She's just not a "safe" person.


However,
This time.
Not her.
The universe is sending my multiple signals, and NOT A ONE is from her.

I know who it is.
I did a normal "perimeter check" and found that... well...
The boost in my stats has to do with someone.
I wasn't mentioned... so, whatevs.
He will stay away, and so will I.

The other.
Well.
Sadly.
(but, not unexpectedly)
Is Klay.


I am officially unhappy.
With him.
Not our situation.
That is adapting.
But, with him.


I know it comes a point where a relationship begins to mature, and well, the sparkle starts to diminish.
I do realize that.

But how can something go from:
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TO THIS
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In a matter of months?


How is that really possible?


I started out blaming our lack of connection on us being Over Tired.
I fall asleep a lot.
I am restricted in what I can/cannot do some nights.

I breathe through it.

But, it is becoming glaringly obvious...
Something wrong between us.

I'm not sure what it is.
Nor do I care do work it out in my own head...

Hopefully we all saw my weird dream I had the other night.
So, I'm obviously in a bad place about this already.

But, last night, He just showed up. Was sweet, wanted to know about Emry's very fist dentist appointment (which went REALLY WELL.)
We watched the repeated of the Game of Thrones episode we missed.
He showed me the outfit he is wearing to the wedding we are attending.

I was AWAKE.
I wanted to spend some alone time with him.
And as if he sensed it.
"I'm going home to play my bass. I love you."
He could see on my face I was upset.
I said nothing.
I have no problem with him playing his bass.
It just interfered with my hormones.
I wanted to scream at him... "I WANT TO HAVE SEX. IT HAS BEEN A MONTH!"
(internal rant continues)
"I have gotten down to a SINGLE NUMBERED PANTS SIZE.
I LOOK ROCKING.
I KNOW THAT MY SIZE HAS NEVER BOTHERED YOU....
I KNOW THAT WE'VE BEEN TWO SLEEPING SHIPS PASSING IN THE NIGHT.
BUT WE ARE BOTH AWAKE.
I WANT YOU TO LOVE ME.
I WANT YOU TO TOUCH ME.
IS THAT SUCH A BAD THING????"

But, I said nothing.
He asked too...
I told him it didn't matter, and that I haven't said anything.

No reasonable woman would scream this at her SO, and then like any form of affection that came after it.
It would add the extra thoughts of, "is he only doing this cause I had an estrogen freak out moment?"
I am not that chick.

But, now, I am curious.
Now, I want to know what's up.


But, I will sit stoically and not say a word.
Not until my words will come out constructively.


Isn't it lovely to be a woman?




2 comments:

  1. Oh yes, the joys of womanhood. I have so been here before. I hope that it all gets worked out. I love to see ya happy girlie.

    Yay for Emry's appt though!! Wahoo!

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  2. I have also been there too. Whatever happens, I hope you are happy.

    ReplyDelete