People Just as Crazy as Me

Friday, April 13, 2012

Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother - "Control Freak"

Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother

(aka: The Life of a
Quasi-Single Mother)

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(DISCLAIMER: I do not mean to offend anyone. There are different strokes for different folks, and we all have different lives, goals, aspirations. What I write about in these posts is not meant to be the "only way", "the right way", "better than you". It's just my opinion, use it where you can. Comment or Criticize too, how else do we grow as people, if we don't listen to a little criticism?)
Control Freak

"One who has an obsessive need to exert control over people and situations."

Type 1 Control Freak:

These people are purely trying to control the anxiety and fear they feel in their lives, and to a certain extent, they are unaware that you even exist. They are dealing with their fears in a self-absorbed way, and you will notice this by the agitation in their voice, and they will avoid eye contact with you in most cases.

Type 2 Control Freak:

This person is also trying to manage their anxieties and fears, but this type needs to diminish you in order to feel better. As they feel worse about themselves, they will push and pick at you in an attempt to make you feel the way they do or worse. They don't just want to feel in control of you, they want to believe they have defeated you. They want you to feel helpless, wrong, and just generally terrible. As the famous quote goes, 'misery loves company'. They feel that if they can make you feel like a horrible person, they will feel better. The said part is that they never truly get that feeling they are looking for, they only end up feeling worse about themselves in the end, and this can be one explanation of why they might continue to fight with you.

Summary: Type 1 needs control. Type 2 needs to control YOU.

Here is a small check list to run by yourself to take notice if you are a Control Freak so you can get some help.
1. Do you feel you are always right?

2. Do you feel unhappy to the point of anger or rage when someone says you are wrong?

3. Do you always have to drive?

4. Do you always have to be in the know?

5. Do you feel offended when someone turns down your offer to advice or help, or instructions on how to do things?

6. Do you feel you know better than everyone else?

7. Do you find yourself easily angered, riled up, upset, insulted, ignored, or unheard?

If you answered yes to more than two of these questions, you are most likely a Control Freak, and you should seek some

Okay, now that I laid down the base of today's topic.
Let me tell you where it came from.
I am not enraged by this, it did make me feel very sad.

Yesterday, was a Nick night, and it wasn't a bad one (Yes, it was Chicken Nuggets and MacNCheese, but it went along very nicely... Even Nick and I got along).
Before he left, he asked about the arrangements for the T-ball Tuesdays.
Emry had made up this, Meet us at the house, and Follow us to the field scenario.
I told him it wasn't necessary, and that Emry was being a control freak.
I said this in a very jovial manner.
Nick looked at me and said,
"And I wonder who he gets that from"

I just felt my heart drop.
It hurt.
And, I didn't blow up.
I wanted to blow up.
But, I didn't.
My comment,
"It's hard to raise a 5 year old by yourself, I am not a control freak."
He then had to ask me something, but declined, probably because he knew I was too upset to entertain anything.
How dare he say that.
How dare he belittle me like that.
It hurt my heart.

*BTW: for the top quiz... I answered yes to 1 question....*

From there...
I realized I had a topic for today's Monologue.

Are Single Mothers control freaks?

I describe myself as a Type A personality.
I describe myself as goal oriented and driven.
I see the pathway, I see the reward, and I push forward until I get it.

Do I always have to be right?
Hell, no!
Is my way always the right way?
NO... show me an easier and more efficient way, and I will take it.
Do I always have to do things my way?
NOPE. You want to take over? Be my guest, I bet I can find something else to do!

Needless to say,
I have OCD's.
I really do harp on things a lot.
If something gets on my nerves (like the stove, that is never clean, and I hate to clean because the second you DO clean it... It gets used and dirtied again!) I will overcome it...
Just to make myself feel better.

It still hurt.
His words...still hurt.
Because in the end, these are things I know he has told people about me.
Those people do not count in my world though..
No one likes to be talked negatively about.
I am guilty of talking negatively about him too.
I admit, on here, a lot, that we are not the same type of person.
He is much lazier than I.
His goals aren't the same.
He doesn't really have any goals past the next 24 hours.
I do vent.
But, honestly... even though I hope to meet each and every one of my blogging compadres...
When are any of you going to meet Nick?
When are any of you really going to know WHO I am talking about?

It changes things a little.
I do not go around bashing him to people I know.
Klay, my dad and I only discuss him where Emry is concerned.
I could bash him to his mother, because she deserves to know why I am so guarded with my child.
It's wrong.

Moving along... I could VENT for days on this topic... Can you tell it really hurt my feelings?

Control Freaks.

I think if the Single Mother is overwhelmed and filled with despair she may begin to control what's right in front of her.
I think if the Single Mother needs something to hold on to... a control freak personality may emerge.
I, however, also think that this personality can be only temporary.
I feel that once we hit a point, the infamous A-ha moment (thanks Oprah) or the light bulb moment... We realize that we are not in control of anything.
Even are closest most immediate worlds.
It all falls on Fate, Destiny, and sometimes *looks up*, whoever sits up there watching us.

Single Mothers... I am going to refine this statement.
will do what they need to do, in order to support their child(ren).
They will do what they need to do to give their child(ren) the life they deserve.

If their ex-husbands/boyfriends/baby daddies think that makes them "control freaks", then
I said it.
I went there.

It's all for the bettering of the child(ren).
Doesn't really matter what anyone else thinks.
If you can do for your child(ren) and they end up smiling more than they are crying...

Happy Friday!

1 comment:

  1. Fantastic! I love your posts. I was just talking to someone last night about how women when they have a kid tend to treat the hubs as the other child. "Did you take out the trash? I thought I asked you to take out the trash...No, you don't do it that way, you do it this way." (rolling her eyes and sighing) and what would an adult child do--rebel! I end up being the woman those married men approach in search of someone who treats them like an adult. Yes, control freak is a good name for what my ex was. He had to bring me down while controlling me. Scary stuff. Still, women know one thing--they are in charge of everything the minute they have children. Men don't lament over who watches the kids while they go to a game. They don't worry about talking to daycare workers about how the child is thriving. They forgot children need bathing, feeding, bedtimes... I always say it, but it's true. Men marry and go from mommy to mommy and women lose their mom around the time they hit 8 to 10 years of age. Great post.