People Just as Crazy as Me

Friday, April 20, 2012

Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother - "Mystery"

Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother


(aka: The Life of a
Quasi-Single Mother)





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(DISCLAIMER: I do not mean to offend anyone. There are different strokes for different folks, and we all have different lives, goals, aspirations. What I write about in these posts is not meant to be the "only way", "the right way", "better than you". It's just my opinion, use it where you can. Comment or Criticize too, how else do we grow as people, if we don't listen to a little criticism?)
 
 
"MYSTERY"

There is no mystery when one dates a Single Working Mother.
There's no... WHO IS SHE?
Because a man has all the information they need to know in this one sentence:
"SHE HAS A CHILD"

So... mystery... not so much.

It's the same for a Divorcee...
A man knows that you've been in a long term relationship.
He knows that you infact are not pure as the virgin snow.
No mystery there, either.


So... How do we instill it?
How do we try to give the impression of mystery?
How do we give ourselves that sex appeal edge?

**SILENCE**

Oh, wait, you thought I knew?
HOLY SHIT!
I thought you knew...
Man, is this post going to suck.
NONE OF US HAVE THE ANSWER.


What do I do?
Well...
NOTHING.
I'm too damn tired.

What would I suggest that other women in my shoes do?
Well...
If you are planning on dating...
Or considering throwing yourself back into that scene...

I have a checklist.
To ensure that the mystery stays intact...
(for at least one night)

  1. Make sure that you are wearing 100% clean clothing. I am not patronizing you. The outfit you choose to wear out on your "adult time" night... Have it cleaned outside your home, hung in a plastic bag, and not opened until your child(ren) are in bed. No chance of fruit snacks, chocolate milk, apple juice, boogies, etc. to end up on your "COME AND GET ME" outfit.
  2. Before you go out, have at least 3 topics that don't talk about Yo Gabba Gabba, Thomas the Train, Poop/Pee, etc. Having a child doesn't mean that you can't be articulate and captivating. Keep the mystery at an all time high.. discuss.... the recent Linux Kernel.
  3. CHANGE YOUR PURSE. DO NOT USE YOUR DAY-to-DAY purse. Why? Who knows what's in there? Snotty Tissues, Children's band-aids, a train, a doll.... FRUIT SNACKS. Adult night, Adult purse.
  4. If you get to choose the venue, make sure you are going out during a time where children will not be present. WHY? No, I am not trying to hide the fact you're a parent. The guy probably already knows. Keep the mystery going. Gracing your presence in a venue where children could possibly be... well, that leads to this sentence, "I remember when my lil'one was that size. awwwwwwwwww." See what I mean... mystery.... VANISHES!


Love them?
Hate them?
Well, if you are going out, and want the man to think you are SO MUCH MORE THAN SOMEONE's MAMA... I'd go with them.
Lure him in.
Get him comfortable.

Then, slowly but surely,
your dirty pj's,
comfy, yet hideous slippers,
Mom purse,
and so many other things...
Won't even phase him.
Because he will know
that
DEEP
DEEP
DEEEEEEEP
inside.
You are a mysterious, sassy woman.



Happy Friday!
 

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