People Just as Crazy as Me

Friday, April 27, 2012

Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother - "Anger"

Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother
(aka: The Life of a
Quasi-Single Mother)


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(DISCLAIMER: I do not mean to offend anyone. There are different strokes for different folks, and we all have different lives, goals, aspirations. What I write about in these posts is not meant to be the "only way", "the right way", "better than you". It's just my opinion, use it where you can. Comment or Criticize too, how else do we grow as people, if we don't listen to a little criticism?)



"ANGER"


We all can tell that I've had an exceptionally long week.
But it got me thinking about...


How a woman in my shoes deals with Anger.


Now we all know, every once in a while, we just snap.. we may yell when we shouldn't...
We try very hard not to overflow on to our children or loved ones...
But, come on, let's be honest... Sometimes even the slightest dirty counter, over loaded washing machine, can be the final straw... And then

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You know?



You don't mean for it to happen.
But, oh LORDIE LORD.. does it happen.


You get Angry.


My very wise Aunt Susan told me, when you know that you've lost it, and you know you can't hold it back... go lock yourself in the bathroom, with the light off, and just sit there.
You sit there until the anger goes away.


You never allow yourself to be THAT angry around your child.
You never want to accidentally do something you may regret.


And, I have to admit...
There have been times that I was afraid what I'd say or do... that I had to lock myself in the bathroom.


But,
Nonetheless...
it works.
The darkness soothes you.
You can't be forced to look at yourself fuming in the mirror.
That never helps.
It makes you angrier.
TRUST ME.
You are safe in the dark.
You cannot judge yourself in the dark.

But,
what about when you're not home?
What about when you're at work...
And life is so overwhelming that you feel yourself starting to OVERFLOW right at your desk?
You know you can't do it.
Unprofessional to say the least.
But, how do you deal!?!?!?!?!

Me.
I go in the bathroom, lock myself in the stall, and breathe as slowly and deeply as I can.
And silently pray that I don't freak out enough to let someone see.
If it's near my break time....
I try to take a walk.
Or go to our in office gym.
Don't keep the anger.
If it overflows.
You could lose your job, and in this economy, we all need our jobs.


The life of the working single (quasi-single) mother...
It's hard.
SUPER HARD.
The balls are always in the air.
We are so worried to let one of them fall...
Afraid it will all go toppling down.

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Yeah... I went there...
Remember this game?
So much fun...


Off topic.
My apologies.

Everything rests on us.
It's true.
We know it.
We can't shade things and pretend even with a little help that we're going to be okay.
Nope.
Doesn't matter.
Outside help, whether it be from a SO or a Family Member can not be permanently relied on.
In the back of our heads, we all keep that ball in the air, regardless of who's helping us with it.

WE ARE ENTITLED TO BE ANGRY BY THIS.
No one planned there life to be like this!
But, then again, when we were young... how much life planning did we really do?
Good Parents, Bad Parents, it didn't matter which we were raised with.
It doesn't matter how many times we were told to make a plan.
We were kids/teens...
We didn't make a plan.
We didn't listen.
Now we're here.
Now we have a plan.
And that's to stay above the water.
NO MATTER WHAT THE COSTS.

We Will CRY
We Will GET ANGRY

WE WILL FIGURE IT OUT.

Not every day is a bad day.
Not every week is a bad week.

Find the moments.
15 minutes here
5 minutes there...
To breathe.
To remember..
Yeah, it sucks, but it's for the better good of my child(ren).

It may not always help.
Your bathroom may not always be free to sit in the dark.
But, I imagine a closet will do just as nicely.

Just stop.
Take a moment.
Find the happiness...
Find the path.

And stay true.

Don't get upset if your angry moments are SO close together.
Don't let that make you even more ANGRY.
IT HAPPENS.
Take each individual bump.
Don't combine them.


RALPH WALDO EMERSON:
"I'm not telling you it's going to be easy, I'm telling you it's going to be worth it."

Words to live by.

Love to all.
Happy Friday!




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