People Just as Crazy as Me

Monday, April 30, 2012

Rants of a Curvy Mama- 4/30/12 - third post

You can tell I'm avoiding something?
Oh yeah, it's this work project.
It isn't awfully cumbersome.

It's just.

I know I usually use my Rants of a Curvy Mama, in order to reflect on my weight loss, and diet. But today, something else hit me... and well... I just feel it's a rant.
So, thus, another installment.

I have no regrets.
It's just a thought that went through my head...
Things happened.
Problems ensued, were overcome... and I move on.
I have no regrets.
I am not one to judge the path I am on...
I am just one to trudge through it.
Sometimes I dance through it...
But, you know, life isn't always easy.

No one is alike.
Everyone has their own soul, their own purpose.
Some people are disillusioned.
They think they're independent... they think they are strong.
But, some times those people are hiding behind pain, insecurities and GOD knows what else.
Not for me to judge.
As long as it doesn't impact my world... Not my place.

Some people enjoy being alone, and only taking "company" when they should need it.
I'm all for that too.
If that's what your schedule allows for.
There's nothing wrong with it.

I'm the sort that needs...someone.
A close friend.
A lover/companion.
A shoulder.

I was alone for a long time in my marriage.
I had no friend, I had no love, I had no shoulder.
So, I am destined to fill my world with someone to keep me close and good friends who I can rely on.. and that can rely on me.

I am see that I have achieved these things...
I have a couple very close friends.
Who needs tons?
I have a love, a shoulder, and a friend all in one person.
Something I was unaware could be in one package.

I have a beautiful son.
That I see everyday.
I am truly blessed with him.
He can be a monkey.
He isn't perfect.
No one is, and he's turning out to be such a loving, good boy.

But, with all this said...
I still find myself peaking...
At things that were.
Things that would have never been.
You try to re-play through things in your head...
And wonder...

It doesn't change your present life.
It doesn't change your past by reflection.
And, the only thing it does impact:
Is your future.

I know who I am as a person now.
I know what I am capable of.
I know where I stand.
What I want.
What I need.
Where I want to go.

Who you are doesn't really change.
It matures.
It evolves.

Now that I've looked back and thoroughly saw through what had occurred.
I can really let it go.
I see so much progress in my words.
And just stagnation in theirs.
I know that I am moving on and up into a beautiful life.
I only see reclusive behavior in the other.

I still see the manipulation.
The mind games.
The lies.
And a person who thought they were smarter than everyone else.
Someone whose mind games are more for himself than for everyone else.

I do not judge.
If that's how he picks his head up, gets to work and lives.
That's fine.
It's not for me.
Nor is it for everyone.
But it's his.

I guess what I'm saying is.

Be who you are.
Regardless of how others in your life are.
Love will always find each other...
Friends will remain friends if you are different...

if your life is drastically different than someone else's
If no common ground can ever be found.
Feel safe in the knowledge that it's not your fault.
Feel safe in the knowledge that there is someone in this world for everyone.
You are not a failure if you did not make a connection.
Yes, some people may react poorly to your decision to separate or not hold ties..
But, a true soul will understand your path and journey's are not close.

You can move on.
You can move forward.
Wherever forward is on your path.

I hope this makes sense.
It really is a rant.
General thought progress...
Bunch of jumbled ideas.

"As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult,
but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed"
~Vincent Van Gogh

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