30 Days of Me!
DAY 29: THREE CONFESSIONS
I didn't want to write this one.
I considered vLogging it...
I considered vLogging a lot of these.
I'm just not comfortable.
With the post or the vLogging of it.
I guess that's Confession #1, I am not comfortable at the moment. In my life.... Everything is basically calm. There is no real stress... I'm just feeling... not complete; Not at ease. I think the better word is: Safe. I am not feeling safe.
Confession #2: I don't want to live a healthy lifestyle.
I know that my weight loss is a positive change in my life. I know that exercising is positive.
But, I am exhausted.... burgers and fries taste good.... and I like to eat when I'm hungry regardless of the fact that it is after 7p at night. So... I guess I'm saying I rather be fat than healthy. Whether or not I will submit to that... well that is yet to be seen. I kind of like fitting into my clothes.
Confession #3: I have no gal friends.
I have a bunch of acquaintances... I have gals that I can hang out with if I choose to. The thing is, I rarely choose to. I have a problem with large groups. I have a problem with small groups.... I just have a problem with people; especially women... Bad experiences... You can't really know anyone in this world. Even the person I call my best friend, Lissa, is just a really good acquaintance. I know that, in my heart, that we aren't really friends. I know that in my heart, there are other people she rather hang out with than me. I don't blame her, or anybody else... I have a kid.... these gals don't. Having a child really changes everything... or it should.... You can't just go dilly dally on a Wednesday night... You can't just make plans spur of the moment for yourself... It just doesn't happen. Lissa is the only acquaintance that seems to bother me.... how so? It bothers me when she stands me up. We make plans... together... and 9 times out of 10 she calls/texts the day of or an hour before saying she had forgotten about something else she already committed to. It's frustrating. Klay says I should tell her... that I really won't hate her response, that it will more than likely surprise me... I'm afraid I'm right... And I'm also afraid of making waves... so... I just keep to myself... I just keep everything to myself.
I think the only place that I am truly out spoken about EVERYTHING... is on here.
I am never judged here.
I am always supported here.
And... that's a very calming feeling.
Almost 11a... Just need to make it to 4p...