"There are the waves and there is the wind, seen and unseen forces. Everyone has these same elements in their lives, the seen and unseen, karma and free will." ~Kuan Yin
"People pay for what they do, and still more, for what they have allowed themselves to become. And they pay for it simply: by the lives they lead." ~Edith Wharton
“Everyone tries to define this thing called Character. It's not hard. Character is doing what's right when nobody's looking.”
"A man's character may be learned from the adjectives which he habitually uses in conversation."
~ Mark Twain
~ Mark Twain
“If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone.”
~ John Maxwell
“Life is change. Growth is optional. Choose wisely.”
It's very hard for some to understand that your previous actions dictate your future plans.
It's very hard THEN for some to understand that you can NOT be a good person only in front of others.
It is thus harder still for some to understand why they do not grow.
Why do I say this?
What led me to this topic today?
It makes me so sad the complacency in some.
The fact that it is NEVER their fault for their own life.
How there is no direction, no back up plan, no NOTHING.
And how I have to deal with it, for the sake of being the better person, and the responsible adult.
Regardless of how I feel, or what I think... I know that there is a certain way things are done.
That nothing really is in my control and that... well... if I want something that isn't part of the "plan"... I'm not going to get it, and if I force the proverbial hand to get it.. I will lose it, quickly and with consequence.
I do not lie.
I do not cheat.
I do not steal.
I feel for others, even if they could give two shits about me.
I do for others, even though I will never get a thank you.
I give to others, even though it will never be reciprocated or returned.
I have shitty days.
A LOT OF THEM.
They make me stronger.
They drive me to work harder.
And that is it.
I take blame for my mistakes.
I do NOT make the SAME mistakes.
I always have a plan.
I always have savings (not as much as I want.. but something.)
I always have goals.
I do not expect ANYTHING from ANYONE.
When you expect things... you will ALWAYS be let down.
I do not feel that any position is below me.
I would work 3 crappy jobs to support Emry and I.
I would NOT camp out on ANY ONE'S COUCH because I cannot make ends meat.
I especially would not push myself into a "friends" mothers house because I cannot make ends meat.
I would not get copious tattoo's, go to several concerts, and then STILL live on said person(s) couch.
As you can see as I start to specify....
Really irks me.
Has been "laid off".
I'm not sure I believe that one.
He's always on the wrong side of the curve.
And, there is nothing I can (or will do).
I tried for 5 years to try and show this person the error in their ways.
That scheming and lying was not to way to do things.
He doesn't get it.
He will never get it.
And I pray... on a daily basis that there is some divine light that SMACKS HIM UPSIDE THE HEAD and shows him a better way.
You can't force anyone to do ANYTHING.
People on a whole RESENT being told they are WRONG.
So, when I heard, even though it was 2 weeks after the fact (and when I didn't receive the 17% usually deposited in my checking)... I apologized for the sucky situation and gave some ideas in order to bide his time.
I got yelled at.
Certain places he WOULD not work.
But these places are in NEED of people and fast.
It could be used as a stepping stone, in order to find another position.
It could help maintain INCOME.
I gave up.
He doesn't care.
Not even about himself.
So, I apologized again, and told him I had to go.
And how he thinks that he is a GOOD influence in Emry's world. . . IS BESIDES ME.
HOW COULD YOU POSSIBLY THINK YOUR CONSTANT JOB LESS, UNCLEAN, DEFIANT - SELF IS A GOOD INFLUENCE ON MY SON. I WILL NEVER UNDERSTAND. BUT YOU WILL STILL COME TO MY HOUSE... AND TRY TO LIE TO HIM.... GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER. FOR CHRISTS' SAKE, MAKE A REAL CHANGE...
But, I digress.
I am safe.
Emry is safe.
We are not burdened by Nick's awful decision making skills anymore.
We are above water, and have been for the past 2.5 years.
We do better every year.
Emry is more confident and calm EVERY YEAR.
We are better without Nick... every day.
And that is all that matters.
I am not in control of any one's life. I am not in control of my own life.
I can only walk the path set forth for Emry and I... and make the best decisions possible.