Monologues of the Dating Divorcee Working Mother
(aka: The Life of a
(DISCLAIMER: I do not mean to offend anyone. There are different strokes for different folks, and we all have different lives, goals, aspirations. What I write about in these posts is not meant to be the "only way", "the right way", "better than you". It's just my opinion, use it where you can. Comment or Criticize too, how else do we grow as people, if we don't listen to a little criticism?)
Depression is something I deal with... on a daily basis.
It's normal for me.
I've been to shrinks.
I've been to counselors.
And, if I had the money, I would continue to go..
So I don't go.
I've been on medication...
Didn't like the way it made me feel...
I take vitamins and supplements now.
So, for the most part, it's manageable.
It doesn't stop me from being depressed though, it just helps me to DEAL with being depressed.
I've been exhausted for the past 2 weeks.
Going to be as early as I can.
My stomach has been in knots, making it really hard for me to hold complex foods.
I've been in my own head.
Klay says I look upset.
I don't think I'm upset ... persay...
I know I'm depressed.
It all adds to depression....
At least it does in my world.
It makes me wonder if it's something that other woman in my shoes suffer from.
It makes me wonder what others do for it....
It's so easy for the Doctor's to say:
"Take a pill. You'll be okay."
The pill doesn't stop the feelings... The pill helps you to manage the feelings.
Vitamins and Supplements.
These are things I try to do.
But, the past two weeks.
My normal fixes.. haven't been working.
I just want to not exist for a while.
Does anyone know what I mean?
Just be invisible.
It's hard to do when you're the bread winner and a mother...
You need to be present.
You need to be on top of things.
You got to kiss the boo-boo's.
Serve the food.
Clean the clothes.
Hug the sad.
Hug the happy.
You just can't "disappear".
It's not about needing help.
Help is always appreciated, but it isn't necessary.
It's about just wanting to...
BE A BUM.
JUST NOT TO A DAMN THING.
It's about recharging my batteries...
If I could do that...
I could get to the root of where and why this shit builds up..
I could control it better.
It's sad when the Head of the House can't fix her own problems.
My working single mother friends...
I leave you with these words:
I felt a Funeral, in my Brain, And Mourners to and fro Kept treading – treading – till it seemed That Sense was breaking through – And when they all were seated, A Service, like a Drum – Kept beating – beating – till I thought My Mind was going numb – And then I heard them lift a Box And creak across my Soul With those same Boots of Lead, again, Then Space – began to toll, As all the Heavens were a Bell, And Being, but an Ear, And I, and Silence, some strange Race Wrecked, solitary, here – And then a Plank in Reason, broke, And I dropped down, and down – And hit a World, at every plunge, And Finished knowing – then –