People Just as Crazy as Me

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Never go to bed unhappy

We have been dealing with a tool of a real estate lawyer.
He is friends with Klay's parentals.

He doesn't respond to emails.
He doesn't like being asked questions.
He won't set up an appointment to discuss the contract or the changes he made to it.
He won't listen to our concerns.

He's a fucking dickwad.
Okay.
That's the truth.

After we buy this house.
I'll send out a really great post with his name... and more reasons NOT to use him.

Last night, Klay's mother asked how it was going. And, we don't want to tell her specific information... but, it got to the point where we should tell her how rude her "friend" was being.

At first, she didn't seem to get it.
But, I think in the end, Klay got it through to her.

I try to maintain a level head.
Two months. We should be in this house in TWO months.

The work this man does, is legit... the paperwork, everything. It looks like great work. But, he's not really helpful. It's as if he thinks we are challenging him. Ego maniac.

At the end of the night....
Well, let me back up before I tell you about the end of last night.

--------flashback

As of recently, Klay and I have been different.
Our dynamic is ... rough around the edges.
I've been stressed with work, buying this house, and in pain (EVERYWHERE).
He's had some stress at work, he's packing up his apartment, so he can live with us until we move.
His life is completely changing... and I think it weighs on him too.


There's also my awareness that we are never going to get married.
It just is never going to happen.
I've come to terms.
We love each other, we will never leave each other... and isn't marriage just a piece of paper, and a set of rings?

I think that before I came to terms, I might have let it depress me.....

Klay has also been short with me.
It seems everything I ask, comes with a snide answer.
He has to contradict what I say... than change the verbiage and re-say it..making the same point I made.

I have been good... I try to just bounce back... to ignore it.... to make a joke out of his tone.

But, last night....

----------flash forward

Last night, at the end of the night...
I made a silly comment, in a joking voice, that we will never take his mother's advice EVER again.

His response came quick, the tone agitated...

"What do you want me to say? Alright?"

I went to snap back, "I was joking. Calm down."
But, it came out as "I was joki......"
The air cut off... as the words did too.
I looked down, and shaked my head.
I felt tears form.
I didn't want to lose my temper.
Not over something stupid as this.....

"I'm going to bed."

Klay: "What? What did I do?"

"Nothing. I'm tired, I'm going to bed."

And I went up to bed.

I couldn't just lay in the darkness.
I turned on the TV on mute.
Flicked through channels.
Let the tears stream silently from my eyes.

Klay came up shortly behind me..
I tried not to cry harder.
When did this happen? When did we turn into the couple that fights? Or hates the others tone? When did that change?
We are buying a house together... and I am fearful that this is starting to fall apart.

I'm feeling .... so lost.....

He laid next to me.
"What did I do? What did I say?"

I just was so sad.
"It doesn't matter. It's me... don't worry about it."

"No, tell me."

And then, I started to really cry, yup.. that's what I did.
I don't even remember exactly what I said.. it turned to blubber.

And then when I was done.
I felt like I had done something wrong.
I hate crying like that.
I hate the fact that the situation caused me to cry like that.

I turned off the TV... rolled over and wanted to die.

"Don't do that. Please don't be upset."

"I'm not upset at you... I just really want to sleep."

And I pulled his arm over me... and we fell asleep.

...................................

This morning was awkward.
We never really fight... in any way, shape or form.

-----------------------

I'm afraid.
I don't want to lose everything.
I have this unending fear... I think I am destined never to have the "forever".
I think that I will always end up alone... that I get these amazing flashes of what life could be like... and then they will always dwindle... I will always be left alone....

I hate to feel this way.


But, it just won't go away.
I'm afraid that we shouldn't buy the house.
 I'm afraid that maybe we are moving too fast.


**SIGHS**

1 comment:

  1. my husband and i do not have a perfect relationship. we get mad for no apparent reason sometimes. the one thing that works for us is, even though we may still be mad, we always say we are sorry no matter what. even if its not your fault and it always does the trick. we can't stay mad after that. :) love ya girl hang in there.

    ReplyDelete