People Just as Crazy as Me

Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Direction...

I've always wanted this to be a place where I could write about anything.
My ups.
My downs.
My constant venting.
My son.
My family.
My past, present, and future...

And, for over a month, 
I have been actively dealing with the longest battle ever.
The battle towards being healthy. 

I'm not thin, by any means...
I'm not fat either.
I'm in that area... right between.
I'd be called "chunky" or "curvy".
I hate those words.
Because even a skinny chick can be curvy... It just means you gots some "Jessica Rabbit" going on.
And chunky.. is a term I only want to use when I think of the Candy Bar, a Cookie, or a bowl of ice cream.

Am I right?

I've been on the journey towards being happy, healthy and fit since Emry has been 2 years old. 
I go up
I go down.

I touched my goal weight once...
Then forgot that I had to MAINTAIN it.

Well, I guess forgot isn't the proper word.
I reached my goal weight, and said fuck it.
And ate like I was dying.

Not the smartest thing I could have ever done. 

Topic of the day:
DIRECTION.

Which direction do I want to go?
Am I fueling myself in a positive way?
Am I doing this healthy thing in a HEALTHY way?
Can I maintain this once I reach my goal weight?
Will I reach my goal weight during my time goal?

What am I doing to hinder my progress?
Is occasional snacking okay? 
How often should I allow myself some indulgence?
Once a week?
Once every 2 weeks?
Once a month?


I really wish I had the time and cash to go to a Nutritionist or a Registered Dietician.
Just so I can learn some skills.. and see if I am making the correct/healthy choices for myself.

I read a lot.
I read studies on everything.
No one really agrees on the topic of Weight loss and the Healthy lifestyle.

From what I have read it has lead me to a conclusion:

There are a million opinions on this topic, because EVERYONE is different.
My body and my metabolism may not be the same as yours.
My weight loss may not be as fast (or slow) as yours.

Carbs?
Are they good or are they bad?
Wait you mean to tell me there is actually a list of
GOOD CARBS AND BAD CARBS.
SERIOUSLY NOW?!

Everything is bad in excess.

My dad said something interesting to me.
"You want something calorie filled and completely indulgent?
Only eat half of it.
Than it's only HALF Bad."

That logic kind of makes me twitch.
If I only eat half of it...
The other half will sit in the fridge and TAUNT me.
And I refuse to THROW OUT food.. that's wasteful.

Also, the other thing that makes me twitch..
Is that I am doing this basically alone.

Klay says he's going to eat Healthy...
And start working out.. or moving more...
And then he tells me about the Bagel he had for breakfast or the Dunkin Donuts run he did.
He frowns when he sees me longing for the sandwich he made himself for dinner... 
When I have the healthy salad.

My friends at work must think I'm nuts.
I catalog everything I eat and every workout I do.
Not just for calorie sake...
But, also to make sure that I am eating more Protein than Carbs and/or Fat.

 My father,
is also of no help.
He thinks he is being healthy by eating an ENTIRE BAG OF GRAPES.
By eating two sandwiches instead of one.
By DEVOURING all the Healthy Options I make myself in the fridge.

**Sighs**

So, I guess I am just warning everyone.

Since,
I am finding it hard to stay focused and on track...
With many hurdles in my way.

I'm going to be venting a LOT about my weight loss and my journey to a healthy me.

 


1 comment:

  1. I wish you just the best on your journey.
    I know how hard this whole process is and I'm struggeling with the same for years now.
    It is much harder for people with mental diseases or eating disorders to find a healthy way of eating as it is for "normal" people.

    Don't give up!!!

    ReplyDelete