People Just as Crazy as Me

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Weightloss vs. Mental Disease

"It is much harder for people with mental diseases or eating disorders to find a healthy way of eating as it is for "normal" people."

I want to first start out by saying, I love and appreciate every comment that is left on my page.
I, especially love, when people share a piece of themselves with me.

That's my favorite part of blogging:
Being part of a huge community of people that get me.

I wrote this post yesterday, and I received a wonderful comment.
A portion of that comment is found above.

When I first read that sentence, I had that estrogen moment.
(Ladies, you know you have them too!)
Where I thought, "Wait, what did she say?"

But, I read it... and thought about it...
And I read it again.

At first, I took it personally:
Does this person thing I have an eating disorder?
Does this person think I have a mental disease?!

And, then, I took a breath.
A large breath.

She is right.
It must be much harder for those dealing with those issues to find a healthy lifestyle, and stick with it.

And, the proof in the pudding is this article I read, about a woman who lost 180 lbs.
Found it here
And still wasn't "Happy".


The part of the essay that hit me the hardest was:

" I had lost about 180 pounds. I lost a lot of things along with the weight. I lost my sense of self. My sense of proportion. My sense of dignity, of maturity, of control. I was skinny, but my life wasn't suddenly and magically perfect-and that completely astonished me. It sounds ridiculous, having really fallen for the fairy tale of weight loss. But I had fallen for it completely, and then was blinded by the egregious lack of a happily ever after."

The fairy tale of weight loss.
The fairy tale of what being skinny will bring.

   It made me remember how I was...
when I was actually skinny.

Even when I was 5'4 and 120 lbs.
I was unhappy with myself.

Will that be different now?
Now that I am different?

Perhaps, but there is no guarantee.
I need to remember that.

Growing up in my childhood home, we weren't taught to have self-esteem or to be comfortable with our body image.
My mother, who lost a lot of weight way too fast... Took that away from us.
My sister, when she was in High School, was about the size I am now.
Not exactly fat... but, not skinny... 

But, my mother, made it was like she was obese.
Would comment on every piece of food she ate.

Also, my mother warned me of becoming fat.
Even though I was the proverbial "stick". 

We never had any food in the house.
Not because we were poor.
But, because, if it wasn't there... we wouldn't eat it.

My mother would make a weeks worth of food.
A healthy dish... tasteless... but healthy...
and that's what we would survive on.
And since it was tasteless, and normally kind of gross, we wouldn't eat A LOT of it.

The only real meal I ate... was when I was at school.
That's why I laugh when I hear, how awful the school food is.
I never noticed.
It was ten times better than we had at home.

I got off topic, let me get back to my point:

Even at my smallest... my body image was shit.
How will I fix that?

How will I not allow my past to hurt my future?

How will I know when enough is enough?
How can I prevent myself for being like the woman in the above article...
And still hating who I was...
Regardless of the number on the scale.

Strength.
Faith.
Goals.
Love.
Determination.
Being Real.
Not hiding my fears.
Admitting Defeat then Picking myself back up and trying again.
Having a support system.


As I said:
I am different than who I was before I had my son.

I love myself now..
Even with the pockets of fat on my hips.
Even with my imperfect skin tone.
Even though I'll never be tall enough to reach things on the top shelf.

I love myself because I know others love me for those very flaws.
I know I am loved and worth loving.

And, that is something that I didn't have...
before I became a mother.

Thank you to the kind comment from yesterday.
It made me think.
It gave me perspective.
And has fueled me.

Have a beautiful day.

3 comments:

  1. I was just entertaining a similar thought this morning: No matter how you change the packaging, it's what's inside that really matters. That's where 'we' are.

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  2. wow...
    I didn't know my comment would have such a huge influence on your thinking.
    I'm sorry that it sounded like an attack or something.
    I just wanted to explain....like you understood on the second thought!!
    I'm happy that your son changed your way of thinking and tha is a point where I understand you again, because I feel different since I have my daughter,too.
    Kids can save us from ourselfs!!!

    I don't know you in real life and I read your blog just for a few days but I somehow feel a connection to your posts and wish you just the best :)

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  3. p.s.: I linked your button on my blog :)

    ReplyDelete