People Just as Crazy as Me

Monday, August 5, 2013

Marie

Earlier this morning, I said that I would be sharing a post about a beautiful person I met this weekend, Marie.

Marie must be about 10 years older than I am (at the very max), and she is a sweet, kind, quiet woman.

Who... showed me a glimpse of who I was, where I have been... and that I have grown.

She has also showed me, that my words, my experiences... can help others... That there has been a reason that my journey has had it's... rocky moments.

This woman met me, Klay, and Emry this weekend...
Somehow our story came up... how we all came to be a family...

And she cried.
She wept...

She mourned a lost love...

But, as we spoke...
There was something more...
A hidden tale, she was trying to bring to light...

About this "lost love".

I could feel it... I could see it all over her face...
She wanted to tell her story...

At least a little of it... So that she could let it go...

I let her.

She let it go...

And, this woman... went through very similar experiences.... as I did.. between my ex husband and the abuser I dated before him.

All in the man who was her "lost love"....

Abuse is a funny thing. Whether it be mental, physical or emotional... It leaves very similar scars.... but also messes with your head for years after.... Believe me... I know.

How she could refer to this man... as the love she lost.. left me baffled.

I paused, before I said anything to push (to a practical stranger), but my brain was thinking in the background.. it was telling me things.

I saw myself in her.
I saw that I had mourned a man that beat me...
I mourned a man who cheated on me, and lied to me...
I mourned these men, who were awful for me... for any woman.. because...
I didn't love myself.

I began to speak to her.. but see my face... well, glimpses of my face.
It was weird, I went back and forth between knowing I was talking to her... and then talking to me... 10 years ago.

The conversation went something like this:

It gets to the point where you will realize, that even though the situation went wrong, and you may have had a hand in getting to that place... it was never really your fault. A man, whose sole purpose in a relationship is, to change you, to bring you down, to control you, in anyway shape or form... is not a man... And is not a person who really ever wanted to be in a loving relationship with you.
You are beautiful, you have qualities that is FOR someone.... But more importantly, you have amazing qualities that are for YOU... Your life can be a wonderful thing, once you embrace who you are, never compromise or change that for anyone else... And keep yourself around people who love and respect you... For all your qualities.. the weird, the good and the bad.... When you are so comfortable with you.. someone will come along who gets you... who is there for you. But, never before... Love the person you see in the mirror, love the person who writes in your journal... love everything about her. 
Then... let someone love her. Then, it will truly be worth it.

I cried
We Cried.

Klay saw that something was up from afar....
And stole me before I gave away too much of my energy...
Conversations like this make me very tired...
I'm a "fixer" .... I try to help everyone...
Even if that means, I take from my own light... to fill up their dark spaces.

She was happy though.
She seemed to even out...
She seemed to get a glimpse of what I was saying.

I hope I get to see her again this weekend.

Marie... a beautiful soul... hiding in a defensive shell.




2 comments:

  1. This post hits home all too well. What a great woman! I am beginning to understand why I mourned my ex of 7 yrs even though he was a piece of shit. For all the same reasons. I've always battled with loving myself. I am starting to understand that once I love me then I can fully allow someone else to love me as well. Maybe that is why I have failed most relationships. Great advise she shared with you. This post made me feel strangely at peace.

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