People Just as Crazy as Me

Thursday, March 28, 2013

The Last Day...

Today is the last day of my work week.
Thank goodness for that.

It has been a very quick week.
Which is wonderful.

I've had a very successful healthy week thus far, however.. I am scared about the next few days..

Days at home are harder to maintain healthy eating, than when I am here.
I know it sounds silly... but, it's the truth.

My goal for the weekend is not to gain anything back.
I don't have to lose any weight.. 
I just want to stay where I am:
Just for this weekend.

Easter will be coming up on Sunday.
I am trying to make myself healthy options to bring to the dinner at Klay's Parents.
I am going to roast a chicken, and make a mixed green salad. On the side of the salad, I plan to have a sunflower seed, dried cranberry, goat cheese topping... 
Or possibly make my own salad dressing.
Of course, I will make enough for everyone attending...
But, I just don't want to be stuck with the
Potatos, Ham, Butter soaked Green Beans...
I've done the numbers on it.
They do not show in my favor.

Plus, there's dessert.
I have to bring a dessert...that's what Klay's mother asked me to do.
I was thinking of Peach Cobbler.
I think I can manage to bake a frozen make one.
Have to see.

Looking up recipes as we speak.

Healthy options for next weeks eating...

I am planning on making one main dish for the week:

Lemon Marinated Chicken Recipe
Lemon Marinated Chicken - Found it here

And then, as a bean side dish, to use over salad, or just on it's own warmed up:

Spicy Indian Dahl Recipe
Spicy Indian Dahl - Found It Here!
 I'll make this either Sunday night, after Easter Dinner or Monday Morning...
And I'll make enough for 5-6 portions (for each of us.)
It's nice to make things in bulk.
It makes dinners easy.
I always keep extra fruit and vegetables in the house.
And, if anyone is just plum bored of what I've made...
There are frozen bertolli meals in the freezer.. and canned soup in the cupboard.

I am cooking, tasty, healthy things for me...
Everyone else has to fall in line.
I think my compliment from my father said that my healthy cooking was worth while!

I have my Lean Cuisine's for lunch, for the next few days...
I need to pick up more yogurt for breakfast...
Or maybe I'll do some hard boiled eggs..
Not like we won't have them already...
It's Egg Dying Season.

What are your plans for the weekend?

Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Back Pain + Exercise = No Fun

If you've been with me for a while, 
you know that I have a pain syndrome caused by injuries that never healed properly...
You know that I am regularly in pain.. but it is manageable.

This week... not so much.
My lower back, right above my hips has been stinging and aching since about Sunday.

I know there is nothing I can do about it.
I know that I am not over exerting myself...
So, I keep working out...
I keep pushing through the pain...
And I keep reheating my microwavable heating pad....

As I sit, I feel the pain swell from my tailbone, and creep up my back to my lumbar area.

Funny enough.. I don't feel it during a workout.... but, after.. oh yeah, THERE IT IS!

Waiter? I'll have a bottle of Advil please? Water? No no ... no time for that...
(joking.. I swear... kind of.)

My resolve is being tested yet again today.

There were corn muffins, cake, and bagels in our break room.
And downstairs had a party... with ice cream cake...

The truth of yesterday?
I took a tiny piece of ice cream cake.
And I logged it in my APP
4 oz = 250 calories of yummy awesomeness that I savored... For AS LONG AS POSSIBLE.

Two gigantic egg casseroles, biscuits, bagels, cake, etc. etc... in my break room.
I had my yogurt for breakfast, and I am not going in that room.. 
Not falling for that trap.

I am starting to really notice my body becoming toned.
I can see it in my muffin top region.. as well at my stomach.
My legs are appearing slimmer as well.
Total Score.

Working out a little everyday ... who knew?!

Temptations are bad..
But smell so good.
I'd eat that entire tray of egg casserole..
If I Could!

Little poem for you. Did you Like it?!

Going to heat up the heating pad.
And then, maybe, just maybe.. I'll do some work.

We'll see.

*just kidding.. i swear... I'm totally HALF kidding...*

Happy Wednesday!

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

A compliment from my father.

As we discussed, I made the spicy sweet potato soup and the white bean salad for this weeks Healthy Choices.
I have been making two healthy choices in bulk for the past 3 weeks or so.

My father last night:
"Not that I want to go completely vegetarian or vegan... but, you've been making tasty food without meat... And I am really enjoying it."


This is the man who can slam down TWO overstuffed cold cut sandwiches.. and almost an entire rack of ribs.

You like the healthy meat free options you say?


I probably should start making healthy options with lean meats as well...
Those recipes are sometimes HARDER to find...

But, I do like me a challenge.

For NEXT week:
I am confident that I will make one bulk healthy food item for the week that contains a lean meat.

Just have to do some research.

I also have tried the new Lean Cuisine Salad Creations.

Lean Cuisine Salad Additions™: Lean Cuisine Bistro Chicken Salad
I had the one called Bistro Chicken

Here is the nutritional value for this product:

Calories: 240
Fat: 8 grams
Fiber: 2 grams
Protein: 15 grams
Sodium: 430 milligrams
Carbohydrates: 28 grams

Overall, it was tasty over my leafy greens...
However, I don't think I will give it another go.

The dressing (of this version at least) was.. interesting.
I can't explain it... It wasn't a bad dressing.. It had this weird film taste to it.
The vegetables it came with were nicely steamed, and there was a decent amount of chicken.
But.. overall... not for this Chick.

I had such high hopes too!

I am now thinking that I can probably just recreate this idea, with fresh veggies, and properly portioned pieces of meat...
I must try this experiment.
I can also find a dressing that won't leave that weird gross film in my mouth.

Affirmations and a witty tale

Yes, I am fairly certain...

I have a pair of pants on today.. that has never been TIGHT on me... but, has never been really LOOSE.
Well, today, The legs are big on me.. the waist is too.

I'm pretty pumped about this.

I'm almost pumped enough to go try on a skirt that is normally TIGHT on me...
But, will see if I am brave enough to do so.

Now, for the witty tale...

Let's call it:
"The Bathroom Scale's Early April Fools Joke"
I usually weigh myself first thing in the morning.
But, for some reason, before my bath last night... 
I got the itch, to step on the scale...

I step on...
The scale thinks about it...
It appeared that I had lost 6 lbs... in a day...
I put my hands over my mouth.
I was going to scream.
Not from Joy.
But, from absolute fear...
Losing that much weight... in one day... without extreme exercise CANNOT be possible.
I wrapped myself in a towel, and ran to Klay.
"You got to see this."
"What's wrong..."
"Come here.. you got to see this..."

I step back on the scale.
The weight that was there this morning appears.
I blink...slowly....relief, and disbelief start to set in.
"The scale just told me I had lost 6lbs... in a day... I didn't know what to do... maybe I tipped it when I got on... I got scared."
Klay looked at me... and hugged me.
He could tell that I was upset, scared and relieved...all at the same time.


So... this morning, I guess the scale felt bad... tricking me in such a horrible way..
Because, with my normal routine.. I stepped on... 0.8lbs down.
I didn't trust it at first.. and proceeded to move the bathroom scale around the bathroom to check to make sure that it was level and correct.

Good Scale... Not Scaring Me is a GOOD thing.

Not that I losing 6 pounds would kill me... I'm sure it be fine... However, in one day... Just seemed like I was dying or something.

Happy Tuesday.


Monday, March 25, 2013

Monday Morning Photo Prompt - Decisions

Let's try something new... and fun!

Monday Morning Photo Prompt - found here

Here are the rules:
The Challenge
Create something (a poem, a short story, whatever) based on the picture.
 So here we go:

He sat in his pick-up truck outside the building... her building.
This is where she went to work everyday.
This is where she was, when she sent him that text...
The text that changed everything.

"I'm not sure if we are in the same place anymore. Maybe we should see other people."

She sent it from work.
Who breaks up with someone, over a text, while they are at work?

He had to see it.
He'd never been to her work before.
Never met any of her work friends.
For a year, none of these things seemed important to him.
But, now, for some reason they mattered.
He looked at his cellphone, 7 a.m.
People will start showing up soon, he thought.
She's always early, maybe I should cut out.
But, as if this was his very last link to her... he couldn't turn the key in the ignition.
He couldn't move on...
So, he reclined back, and tried to make a decision of what the plan was.
What am I doing here?, he thought, Have I really been reduced to this?
His eyes welled with tears... but he would not let them leave his eyes.
He was now angry that he had allowed this woman to get so deep into his soul.
He tried to turn on the radio to calm him.
Of course, their song played... Loud and Strong... 
He roughly turned off the radio.
Silence was better.
Silence was all he had now.
He heard the rumbling of an engine, and quickly checked his rear view...
Afraid it might be her.
Nope. What got out of the rust old Buick next to him, was an older man, looked to be a Security Guard... 
They exchanged a smile, and then man began to walk away.
But, as if he knew something was off, he stopped and approached the pickup.
"Everything okay?," says the Security Guard.
He nods.. the security guard nods back, "Well, okay.. have a nice day."
The security guard makes his way to the building... her building.
He hangs his head... in shame... in sadness... 
and starts the pick up truck.
Puts the car in park... and pulls away.
With the building dwindling into nothing in his rear view mirror he smiles, and wonders...
Got to love a cliff hanger.

I did it!

I lost weight this weekend!
I went out to eat at Chili's...
We had takeout on Sunday..



I am so proud of myself.
The weekends scare me the most.
Because, it's where I find I am at my weakest... with eating, and control of my portions.

I proved that I could do it, that I could stick to my guns... 
Even with Temptation..


Let me tell you about my weekend:

Saturday should go down in the records as the fastest day on earth.
From 7a - 11p my day was on the move!
I woke up, and was instantly getting ready for Emry's party.

For breakfast, I had a hard boiled egg, and 1/2 cup of raspberries. YUM!

I had to make sure that I had the money I needed, pick up the cupcakes, get to the venue early.
Make sure that all party goers were accounted for... and that the presents made it to my car.
Got all the party-goers popcorn and a drink... 
And then, stood in the back of the theater, and waited for the eight...EIGHT BATHROOM BREAKS. Each kid went at a different time..
It was INSANE.

I had a 8oz. Minute Maid Lemonade while at the movies...
One of the kids didn't do "soft drinks" of any kind...
So, I sipped at it.
Which I needed... I was getting really hot running to and from with the kids...

After the movie, the venue set up a table for us. 
Each kid got a cupcake.
I did not EAT a cupcake.
Proud? I know you are!

Straight from the theater we went to Chili's
There was nine of us.
It was really nice to have a big family meal.
It was the first time that my sister and brother-in-law got to meet Klay's parents.

These are Chili's Classic Nachos, and they were being passed around the table.
Nope, I didn't have ANY.
Proud? I know... you are!

For my meal I had:
a lighter choice sirloin and some steamed broccoli
(the picture shows some weird sort of topping on the sirloin.. it wasn't there)

I did top it with:
6 spicy lime and garlic shrimp.

The whole meal was a total of:
580 calories
18g of Fat
13g of Carbs
52g of Protein

Over all.. it is not the worst thing I could have ate at Chili's.
Being as which some of their Salads are double that nutritional info... 
And I won't even talk about the 1,620 calorie burger they have.
Just saying.

Oh.. more proud feelings...
My sirloin came with Loaded Mashed potatoes...
I didn't even look at them.
The waitress took them away at the end of my meal and looked at my plate funny.

I was thinking, "Yes, you see right.. I did not touch ANY of those carb filled cheesy bacon scallion mashed potatoes. Not one bite!"

We had a busy night on Saturday.
Klay and I went to Lissa's house to build an entertainment unit.
More factual: Klay built it... I organized all the tools and pieces.

I had some hot tea, and 2 trefoil short breads.

And we got home around 11p.

It was a LONG day.


Was spent running around doing errands.
Washing Emry's sheets, and other miscellaneous chores.

Had a healthy salad for lunch.

And then had Chinese for dinner.

I found the healthiest and tastiest meal I could.
only ate half.

When I stepped on the scale this morning.
My weight was down.
And I was happy.

If I should say so myself.

How was yours?!

Friday, March 22, 2013

It's proven... even a little bit counts

I read articles... here, there and everywhere.

I am doing a lot of reading right now about exercise and healthy eating... and portion control.

Today, I came across this:

Stay fit WITHOUT the Gym!

This article shows that even a little bit of exercise a few times a day can amount to A LOT of exercise.

So, the mindset that I've had...
That my taking the stairs everywhere... and my little walks around the building were going to add up.

Well, I was right.

And, that these little "exercise breaks" paired with a healthy workout would increase my chances of also losing weight and becoming healthy... Also proven.


**Big Smile**

I am confident that once the Healthy Lifestyle (along with muffinless top and weight) is achieved...
I will be able to maintain it by doing a lot of normal everyday things... 
That I can also call "exercise"

Figured I share this with you.

Have a Beautiful weekend.


Yes, friends:

I have officially lost 10 pounds, in just over a month.

I was really psyched when I lost the initial 4 pounds in 4 days... must have been water weight.
The last 6 pounds took the remainder of this month.
That is mostly because on the weekends I do not work out, or really watch what I eat.

So... each weekend I probably would gain.... and then have to re-lose it the next week.

But, now, I have a steady work out cycle during the week.
I am going to try REALLY REALLY HARD NOT to eat too much this weekend.

I am going to keep chugging along my journey to Healthy.

In other, very great news... My muffin top is getting smaller.
I really could care less how much physical weight I lose... 
I really really care about losing my muffin top.

That be freaking awesome.

I have started following a couple new blogs lately, and I have been noticing that I have gained a couple new followers.


I am currently using the APP "Lose It!" on my android smart phone.
I highly recommend it... It really makes me accountable for my choices.
Both in the Food and the Exercise Category.

Other than a little lighter.. how am I feeling?

Pretty good.
I'm not overly stressed, even though the same stresses are there.
I'm not overly tired, even though I have been working out more, and being more proactive at home.

 I am planning out my healthy food choices for the next week. 
And I have decided to make some soup, and a bean salad (that I can place over lettuce).

Found the recipes on

Spicy Sweet Potato Soup Recipe
Spicy Sweet Potato Soup
 This soup calls for some sour cream... which, isn't on the top of the "ingredients I want to use" List.
I may get some plain yogurt instead... Same type of flavor, and it's not as bad for you.

White Bean, Tomato, and Avocado Salad Recipe
White Bean, Tomato & Avocado Salad
This just looks super yummy, and I think it will be a great Salad topper. 
I'm trying to consider if I also want to squeeze another acidic fruit over it. Maybe not lime...since, I always put lemon and lime on top of an avocado dish...
Maybe Grape Fruit? 
And some extra spicy seasoning too...
I love me, my SPICY food.

Those are my two healthy options, I am making for the week.
I always have fresh fruit, and veggies in the house.
Not to mention the essentials that the MEN in the house need.
I don't deprive them, just because I am on a mission.

I'm just hoping that eventually they follow suit.

Emry, already does... I have said once and I will say it again...
If I ate like my son... I'd be thin and healthy... TOMORROW.

He's my inspiration.

Keep tuning in...
Perhaps I will even take a picture of myself.. and show you what a 10 pound lighter KVS looks like!!!

Stay Healthy
Stay Sane (as you can)...
Keep me close to your heart..
Because all of you are close to mine.


Thursday, March 21, 2013

Weightloss vs. Mental Disease

"It is much harder for people with mental diseases or eating disorders to find a healthy way of eating as it is for "normal" people."

I want to first start out by saying, I love and appreciate every comment that is left on my page.
I, especially love, when people share a piece of themselves with me.

That's my favorite part of blogging:
Being part of a huge community of people that get me.

I wrote this post yesterday, and I received a wonderful comment.
A portion of that comment is found above.

When I first read that sentence, I had that estrogen moment.
(Ladies, you know you have them too!)
Where I thought, "Wait, what did she say?"

But, I read it... and thought about it...
And I read it again.

At first, I took it personally:
Does this person thing I have an eating disorder?
Does this person think I have a mental disease?!

And, then, I took a breath.
A large breath.

She is right.
It must be much harder for those dealing with those issues to find a healthy lifestyle, and stick with it.

And, the proof in the pudding is this article I read, about a woman who lost 180 lbs.
Found it here
And still wasn't "Happy".

The part of the essay that hit me the hardest was:

" I had lost about 180 pounds. I lost a lot of things along with the weight. I lost my sense of self. My sense of proportion. My sense of dignity, of maturity, of control. I was skinny, but my life wasn't suddenly and magically perfect-and that completely astonished me. It sounds ridiculous, having really fallen for the fairy tale of weight loss. But I had fallen for it completely, and then was blinded by the egregious lack of a happily ever after."

The fairy tale of weight loss.
The fairy tale of what being skinny will bring.

   It made me remember how I was...
when I was actually skinny.

Even when I was 5'4 and 120 lbs.
I was unhappy with myself.

Will that be different now?
Now that I am different?

Perhaps, but there is no guarantee.
I need to remember that.

Growing up in my childhood home, we weren't taught to have self-esteem or to be comfortable with our body image.
My mother, who lost a lot of weight way too fast... Took that away from us.
My sister, when she was in High School, was about the size I am now.
Not exactly fat... but, not skinny... 

But, my mother, made it was like she was obese.
Would comment on every piece of food she ate.

Also, my mother warned me of becoming fat.
Even though I was the proverbial "stick". 

We never had any food in the house.
Not because we were poor.
But, because, if it wasn't there... we wouldn't eat it.

My mother would make a weeks worth of food.
A healthy dish... tasteless... but healthy...
and that's what we would survive on.
And since it was tasteless, and normally kind of gross, we wouldn't eat A LOT of it.

The only real meal I ate... was when I was at school.
That's why I laugh when I hear, how awful the school food is.
I never noticed.
It was ten times better than we had at home.

I got off topic, let me get back to my point:

Even at my smallest... my body image was shit.
How will I fix that?

How will I not allow my past to hurt my future?

How will I know when enough is enough?
How can I prevent myself for being like the woman in the above article...
And still hating who I was...
Regardless of the number on the scale.

Being Real.
Not hiding my fears.
Admitting Defeat then Picking myself back up and trying again.
Having a support system.

As I said:
I am different than who I was before I had my son.

I love myself now..
Even with the pockets of fat on my hips.
Even with my imperfect skin tone.
Even though I'll never be tall enough to reach things on the top shelf.

I love myself because I know others love me for those very flaws.
I know I am loved and worth loving.

And, that is something that I didn't have...
before I became a mother.

Thank you to the kind comment from yesterday.
It made me think.
It gave me perspective.
And has fueled me.

Have a beautiful day.

Wednesday, March 20, 2013


I've always wanted this to be a place where I could write about anything.
My ups.
My downs.
My constant venting.
My son.
My family.
My past, present, and future...

And, for over a month, 
I have been actively dealing with the longest battle ever.
The battle towards being healthy. 

I'm not thin, by any means...
I'm not fat either.
I'm in that area... right between.
I'd be called "chunky" or "curvy".
I hate those words.
Because even a skinny chick can be curvy... It just means you gots some "Jessica Rabbit" going on.
And chunky.. is a term I only want to use when I think of the Candy Bar, a Cookie, or a bowl of ice cream.

Am I right?

I've been on the journey towards being happy, healthy and fit since Emry has been 2 years old. 
I go up
I go down.

I touched my goal weight once...
Then forgot that I had to MAINTAIN it.

Well, I guess forgot isn't the proper word.
I reached my goal weight, and said fuck it.
And ate like I was dying.

Not the smartest thing I could have ever done. 

Topic of the day:

Which direction do I want to go?
Am I fueling myself in a positive way?
Am I doing this healthy thing in a HEALTHY way?
Can I maintain this once I reach my goal weight?
Will I reach my goal weight during my time goal?

What am I doing to hinder my progress?
Is occasional snacking okay? 
How often should I allow myself some indulgence?
Once a week?
Once every 2 weeks?
Once a month?

I really wish I had the time and cash to go to a Nutritionist or a Registered Dietician.
Just so I can learn some skills.. and see if I am making the correct/healthy choices for myself.

I read a lot.
I read studies on everything.
No one really agrees on the topic of Weight loss and the Healthy lifestyle.

From what I have read it has lead me to a conclusion:

There are a million opinions on this topic, because EVERYONE is different.
My body and my metabolism may not be the same as yours.
My weight loss may not be as fast (or slow) as yours.

Are they good or are they bad?
Wait you mean to tell me there is actually a list of

Everything is bad in excess.

My dad said something interesting to me.
"You want something calorie filled and completely indulgent?
Only eat half of it.
Than it's only HALF Bad."

That logic kind of makes me twitch.
If I only eat half of it...
The other half will sit in the fridge and TAUNT me.
And I refuse to THROW OUT food.. that's wasteful.

Also, the other thing that makes me twitch..
Is that I am doing this basically alone.

Klay says he's going to eat Healthy...
And start working out.. or moving more...
And then he tells me about the Bagel he had for breakfast or the Dunkin Donuts run he did.
He frowns when he sees me longing for the sandwich he made himself for dinner... 
When I have the healthy salad.

My friends at work must think I'm nuts.
I catalog everything I eat and every workout I do.
Not just for calorie sake...
But, also to make sure that I am eating more Protein than Carbs and/or Fat.

 My father,
is also of no help.
He thinks he is being healthy by eating an ENTIRE BAG OF GRAPES.
By eating two sandwiches instead of one.
By DEVOURING all the Healthy Options I make myself in the fridge.


So, I guess I am just warning everyone.

I am finding it hard to stay focused and on track...
With many hurdles in my way.

I'm going to be venting a LOT about my weight loss and my journey to a healthy me.


Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Why won't winter END?!

Our winter started October 2012... that is when we had our first BIG snow storm.
Winter has reared it's ugly head until today, March 19, 2013.


And I am done.

Emry has 2 days of Spring Break.
2 DAYS... 
This is because of all the snow days we have had to use this year.
We lost a few of those days before the winter... due to Super Storm Hurricane Sandy.

But, now...
Even though Spring Break meant that I would have to put him in a daycare program...
He will have basically NO Spring Break.
The daycare program basically let's them learn and have fun.
It isn't like being at school all day.



We had 11 inches of snow today.
It was AWFUL.
My father shoveled in the morning, before he left for work...
But, I still had to shovel as well..
Plus, cleaning 11 inches of snow of your car...

The only way I reasoned with this..
Is because..
you burn 300+ calories per hour shoveling.

Not that it gives me free range to eat ANYTHING I WANT TODAY...
but, at least I know I got a work out....
(And I still got my butt to the gym this morning.)

I am cold.
I am tired.
My back hurts.
My butt was WET this morning...
Oh why is that?
Because I slipped on ice at the gas station and landed in water. 
I had to find a spare hairdryer at work... Thank god women bring these things to work...
In ORDER to dry the butt of my pants.


I want nothing more than to just sit...
and be in my pajamas... with a snuggie on (you own one too, don't judge)... and read a book... or watch a bad movie.


I am here.
At work.

I don't want to use anymore of my free time..
Trying to hold it off until we move...

I almost feel like I dreamed about buying a new house.
It's like it's never going to happen.
 Which is pretty stinko.

Here's to you WINTER

You mean, dirty, spiteful BITCH!

Monday, March 18, 2013

Peace and Quiet.. remember that?

For the past 6 years,
I have gotten used to the fact that 
"Peace and Quiet"
were no longer friends of mine.

All of my friends out there who have children,
understand this statement completely.

The second you give birth;
your life completely changes...
There is no quiet... there are milliseconds of peace.
But, never together.
"Peace and Quiet" officially leave the building.

on Saturday and Sunday...
"peace and quiet" came for a visit.

Who/What do I thank for this?

The trains that move?!

God Bless you LEGO.

Emry spent Friday Afternoon/Early Evening and Saturday Early Morning
constructing this set.
I'd say a total of 4 hours was spent in building.
But, the rest of the weekend was spent PLAYING.
(and rebuilding).

He woke up on Saturday morning and brushed his teeth...
Went straight back into his room to build.
I slept until 8a.
When we came home from running errands..
He went straight back.
Played until I called him for lunch.
Went back and played again.

So on and so forth until Sunday afternoon/evening.

This weekend.
Oh my goodness...

I am almost ready to bake cookies and send them to LEGO Corporate.

So nice.
So calm.
Couldn't have asked for a nicer weekend.

A relaxing, NICE WEEKEND...

Filled with my old friends:

Friday, March 15, 2013

Working out

Is not easy for me.
My body gets sore.
I feel feeble...

I don't push myself to the limit...
and that's what makes it worse.

This week, I have worked out 3 days in a row.
I will need to figure out some way to be active this weekend.

I don't know why...
But it's far easier to stay on track when I am here at work.
Not when I am home on the weekends...
Overall, the weekends just ruin it.

Maybe I should start sleeping at work....
Not going to happen.

It's still a little TOO COLD for me to walk up and down our road...
Plus.. people seem to drive faster on it in the cold..
Probably because they think that no one is going to walk on it.

Oh yeah.. COLD.
It went from Spring like 55 degrees...
to 28 degrees.

It's completely and utterly unfair.

I don't need it to be in the 70's or anything.
but, 55 degrees was really nice.

if maintained, I could be outside this weekend...
Just saying.

I want to do something fun and active...
Any ideas.
What do you do on the weekends that keeps you active?

I suppose if it's really cold, Emry and I could some xBox Kinect... that seems to get me moving.. and all sweaty and gross....
That could be something....

 But, being outside would be great...
I wonder if the ground is too mushy to hike?
Really get us OUT of the house.

Before I get completely absolved in being ACTIVE this weekend.
There are some clear things that need to be done Tonight into Sunday:

1) Grocery Shopping
2) Washing the Sheets and remaking the beds
3) Cleaning Bathrooms
4) Vacuuming
5) Going to Yankee Candle and getting a reed diffuser refill
6) Easter Bunny Picture
Tonight, Emry has an activity with his friends..
Which means that Klay and I should get 3 hours to ourselves..
Which is really cool...
But, I think that might be spent doing at least ONE of the ABOVE SIX THINGS.
 (Isn't being a parent swell?)

I should be making my grocery list now.. while I have the time.

I should be doing a lot of things right now...
Oh well...

Let's get motivated.

Until later my friends.

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Being Creeped Out.

I went to sleep last night.
I climbed into bed....
And then I had that creeped out feeling.
The one that makes you go into the fetal position, and not be able to open your eyes.

The moment when you are over aware of the weight of the comforter on top of your body.
Or how the air in the room has gone suddenly cold.

Yup... I had one of those moments.

I, on occasion, hate really dark rooms.
It's been this way since I was a kid.
Would you say that I'm afraid of the dark?
No. Not at all.
I just get uncomfortable at certain times... for no reason it seems.

This happened last night.
I got to sleep...

But, I suppose I wasn't sleeping as soundly as I thought.
Because out of nowhere.

I swear on anything, cross my heart and hope to die type of swearing...
Something TOUCHED my head.

I leaped out of bed.
I screamed out like a child awakening from a nightmare.

No Joke.
Not Kidding.

I always have a nightlight on...
This isn't for my problem with the dark...
But, more so if Emry comes into my room in the middle of the night...
So he doesn't trip on Whatever I have flung on the floor before bed.
Pillows... Hoodies... a slipper.... Lord knows what ends up on my floor when I am lazily climbing into bed.

So.. with that said... nightlight on...
I scan the room...
Absolutely nothing.

Klay must have heard me, or already been on the stairs coming to bed.. because he was in the room a short moment later.

It was the weirdest feeling.
And I am still completely CREEPED OUT.

Just thought I'd share this with you.


Wednesday, March 13, 2013

When it's all crashing down around you

My strength is being tested this week.
The dark is most definitely trying to cloud my inner light.

What caused it?

My friend was fired... for absolutely no reason.
At will employment... STRIKES AGAIN.
It's very sad... and we are all supposed to move on, like nothing has transpired.

I had my 3 month review in my new position.
Glowing Review.
I rock, in case you didn't know that....
One written negative critique: My old boss, told my new boss that I have shown ATTITUDE to her and the new secretary.
Which isn't true.
At all.
They are rude to me, and go out of their way to basically make fun of the intensity in which I worked.
If I am asked a question.... They walk out of my office before I answer it.
Their projection... got a negative remark on my review.
And that doesn't sit well with me.

There's this weird stress in the air here...
It's toxic, and is taking up all the air....
At least that's how it seems to me.

I couldn't sit here this morning.
I just felt like I was going to explode.
I went to chapel service instead... 
We have weekly chapel service for the entire building... which was needed today.
I sand my little butt off...
I almost cried.
The release of the stress...
The release of the darkness...
Was a bit overwhelming.

Not that I had a religious experience or anything.
I just had...
a break from it all.

How do I keep it with me?
The feeling I had almost a half hour ago.
The release?
The light?

Where can I harness that?

It's not like I can go into the bathroom and scream at the top of my lungs...
People might look at me funny.
More funny then they already do.

It's one step at a time.
One breath at a time.

Remember what's important.
Work towards the goal.
Don't let the drama overshadow what I am working for.
Keep to myself?
That never seems to work....
Can't stay quiet...
That may be perceived as me being "rude".


Yes, I vent here.
A lot.
For crying out loud.

I am like Suzie Freaking Homemaker here...
I practically walk around like I'm on a bubble of pink glitter.

Because, on a whole... I am happy to be here.

Right now though...
I just want to make it to lunch... and then make it home...

This too shall pass.
This too shall pass.

I have got to trust... even though the way may seem dark.

Monday, March 11, 2013

Happy Birthday to My Button

6 years 2 hours and 23 minutes ago, you became my life, my whole heart, my everything.
Who would have thought that someone so tiny could have such a big impact on my world.

From the first moment, you were your own person.
With the most amazing personality.
Your eyes took everything in, right from the get go. 

You knew how to run, before you knew how to crawl...
Even today, you are always trying to be bigger and better than the day before.

You've always had a sense of humor. 
You have always tried to be the life of the party..
Even though sometimes you take it too far, I really love that you have always marched to the beat of your own drum.
You are certainly a leader.

I love you so.

Today you are six years old.
And I am reminded of how much you have grown.

I am reminded by how much you have helped me to grow.

 You are too cool for words.
You love trains, and building insane tracks.
100 piece puzzles are starting NOT to be challenging for you.
You have questions about everything.
I mean it, you ask about EVERYTHING.

You are just as goofy as I am.
We are cut from the same cloth, and sometimes that means we butt heads...
But, I am sure that you will be a leader...not a follower.. 

I will always be proud of you. 

You know more about the computer than I do...
You can already read up a storm.

Karate is your thing right now, and you are pretty good at it.
Even though sometimes you do not like to practice.

Happy Birthday my little man.

You make everything worth it.
You make this life worth it.

Thursday, March 7, 2013


Was a pretty busy day..

Work exploded...

I actually did a fair amount of it... and I pray that I didn't make mistakes...

Wednesday is Karate Night... So, it was a mad dash to get to Emry.. get him ready... and shovel him off to class.

We get home late... dinner was made by Klay... Emry ate, took a bath and went to bed....

And then, I basically did the same...

I really wished today, Thursday, would be a snow day.. Even though I am DONE with winter... I just... well, I was tired... and still am (by the way).

Winter Storm Saturn... I curse you...  Why did you blow out to sea, more than hitting us in NY?
Why did you tease me so?

I really wish there was a winter storm Godzilla... 
Just saying... Because I would stand outside and glare at the snow and scream...


**sorry, I just had to share that thought**

Now, today...
What shall happen?
What shall I do.. other than work?

Not sure...
I have nothing to write about....

These would be great days for an Emry says edition...

I really need to start asking him questions and remembering his responses.

Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Rants of a Not-So Curvy Mama

It's been a while since I've done a post about being a Mom.

So, I decided for today...
I'd throw one into the mix.

My baby...
My wee baby boy...
Is turning 6 years old.
in 6 days.

I want to get him a "big boy" present...
Something that shows him that I know that he is no longer my wee baby...

He is totally into trains..
So, I was thinking about finally taking the leap
and getting into

These are the running electric, die cast metal trains...
It's the real deal...

And the real deal cost

Starter set of O-Gauge trains..

You get a Lead Engine, Tender, Freight Car and Caboose.
Batteries, Remote Control Transformer, Enough track to make a 5 ft circle...
And that's it.

That's more than my monthly car payment.
That's almost like 2 weeks worth of groceries...
That's going to cost at least TWICE AS MUCH AS HIS BIRTHDAY PARTY!

I am still trying to find a way to get it.

*Slaps Forehead*

I must be coming down with something.

Like stupid-mama-itis.

Which leads me to my rant...

EVERYTHING is wicked expensive now a days.
It's completely unfair.
We all bust our rear ends to put a roof over our children's heads.
We don't spoil them so we can make the bills...
But, every once in a while...
I just would LOVE to be able to treat my son to the EXACT thing he wants...
Without worrying about not being able to make my bills.

And, it's not like I don't have a decent job.
It's not like I don't have savings.
But, I am also used to the Universe giving me a kick in the ass, when I attempt to do things like this.

I'm overly cautious with our money.
There are no guarantees in this world.

So, what will I do?
Will I put in the risk?
Will I just forget the thought even entered my head?

Not sure.
Can't seem to come to a solid decision that makes me feel okay...

What would you do?
It's not like Emry even knows that I was thinking about doing this.
I've been pushing off the electric train purchases for OVER a year now...

I was thinking of splitting it with a few family members...
But, that takes away from any of their thoughts for his birthday.


He'll love whatever he gets.
He is appreciative of being thought of.

Just wanted to win the "Coolest Mom Ever" Award.

At least for once...