People Just as Crazy as Me

Tuesday, April 30, 2013

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

Klay and I are the proverbial "Little Engine That Could"...

I think I can
I think I can
I think I can

When it comes to this house purchase.

Yes, we are still not the proud owners of OUR home.
Are we closer?
How much closer?
Closer by the day?
That's a vague response you say?
Yes. it is.
Because, honestly, it's hiccup after hiccup.

Short Sales are No Fun.
Keep this in mind if you are ever looking to buy a home.


Did I get that point across?

Yes, we are getting an amazing deal on a home.
Yes, it will be ours... sooner or later....

We are just waiting for the final okay.
The, "Yes, you have met your burden of proof, you can afford to do this (just barely), come on in and sign these papers".

It's stressful.

But, I have my stress in check.
Good things come to those who wait.
You are rewarded after the most stressful situations.
All that jazz.

The problem for me is:
When I am stressed, all I think about it food.
All I think about is being completely UNHEALTHY.

I have been doing really good.
Recent stress has not led me straight to the kitchen cupboard where the cookies are held.
It usually leads me upstairs for a good cry.
It usually gets fueled into a 15min run on the elliptical...
It does everything else other than lead me into the kitchen.

I guess that shows progression in myself as a person. 
It shows that my inner strength is starting to flow out.

And, that's a pretty big deal.

So, Klay and I will continue to say:

I think I can
I think I can

And hopefully, sooner, rather than later, we will have our home.

Monday, April 29, 2013

One Digit Numbers are AWESOME.

Update on my journey to a Healthy Life:

I have stated from day 1, that this wasn't about losing weight...
But, about being a Healthy Weight.
There is a difference between those two statements.
I track a Healthy Weight, by a Normal BMI number.

However, I am officially 9 lbs away from seeing a weight that I have not seen since before I had Emry.

I am one digit numbers away from this mini-goal.

I am hopeful that I will do this by my time frame of: May 17th.
18 days to lose 9 lbs....
Doesn't seem impossible.

But, I am not going to over do it.
I have a great exercise regimen. 
I am eating a healthy and balanced diet.

I am happy.
I am strong.
I am motivated.

Let's recap the weekend...

Friday night, oh my, Friday Night. 
I attended a Passion Party.
For those of you who do not know what that is...

A friend of mine was throwing one...
It was to help her friend who just started out being a "distributor".
Overall, just like Mary Kay, and Avon (which I buy from time to time)....
Following suit with Cutco Knives and Kirby Vacuums...
Is THIS type of party.
Laid back sales demo... that ends with a HARDCORE PUSHY, 
BUY NOW, SALES PITCH at the end.
(No I didn't buy anything... Like, I have any money to "pleasure" myself with!)
Overall, it was a fun time...
A bunch of our friends showed up...
There was wine, cheese, fruit, and cookies... 
(yes, I did have wine cheese, fruit, and 2 cookies)
It was hysterical... and well enjoyed.

Afterwards, we were all pretty starved.
I had missed dinner, because I had to drop Emry off at his Karate "Fun" Time.... 
And the I didn't over indulge in the snacks.

 I had fried raviolis and a hand full of fried calamari.
As you can see, it was definitely not a HEALTHY outing.
But, it was fun... we stayed out until about 1a
(which if any of you have been with me for a while knows that 1a is usually not a time I see...EVER)
Saturday and Sunday were spent doing normal things...

For the week I have prepared the following:
New Year Three-Bean and Artichoke Salad Recipe
New Years Three Bean and Artichoke Salad
A serving (approx 6 ounces) contains:
184 calories
27.2g Carbs
6g Fat
 7.9g Protein

Spicy Peach Chicken Recipe
Spicy Peach Chicken

I made this a little different, instead of boneless chicken I used LARGE chicken Drumsticks.
Which changed the nutritional value slightly.

A serving (1 drumstick) contains:

263.5 calories
7.8g Carbs
12.1g Fat
29.2g Protein
Both, look and smell delicious! They can both be served with a nice side salad.
I have successfully been cooking 2 healthy food options a week for about 6 weeks.
(This includes the one week in which my dad made the EPIC meatballs... I made due with other healthy options I had in the house! Just didn't make it in bulk!).

I was asked recently, if cooking healthy, and eating more "natural" foods impacted my grocery bill.
The answer is: NO, it didn't.
On the contrary, our weekly food bill has decreased by 50-60 dollars... depending.
It would decrease even more, if I was preparing fresh lunch meals to bring to work.
I cut some corners, and I bring a lean cuisine frozen meal.
Cost effective, and within my calorie budget.
They don't taste half bad either.
(Which helps, believe me).
But, once I conquer the one digit numbers... I will start preparing fresh meals for lunch.
It may just be fun!

Tell me about you?
Are you keeping up with your journey to healthiness? 
Have you accomplished any goals?
Conquered any hurdles?
What do you find that troubles you the most?

It's a good day.
Happy Monday!

Friday, April 26, 2013

Dear Bathroom Scale

Dear Bathroom Scale,

We have been seeing each other on a regular basis,
for quite some time now.
The relationship has been very positive for me;
however, I am not so sure how it is for you...
Being as which I stand on top of you all the time.

Please, do not think I am trying to push you down, 
or make you feel inferior to me...
I just need your magically weight telling abilities.
What's that? Go to the carnival instead? Have some sceevy dude guess my weight?

Oh, bathroom scale, is this why you have showed me a plateaued number?
Is this why you will not allow me to get even closer to my goal?

Come again? That's my fault? Oh, I hear you now, it's my body's fault.
Weight loss has plateaued because my body needs a system jolt.

Bathroom scale, you sage of knowledge, please tell me...

Keep doing what I am doing?
Add on a couple extra exercises?
Exercise MORE?!?!?!?!?! That can't be the case...
I don't want to...

You're right... I will.
I hear your bathroom scale...
I will take the stairs more at work...
and I will dedicate more time to moving this body around.

Much Love,

(Oh the things I have to do to stay motivated. And by motivated I mean: not throwing the bathroom scale out the window allowing it to crash to the street into a million pieces)

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Look at me.. Wait, on second thought... DON'T (Post about Body Image)

Jen Davis is the focus (and creator) of this piece is a photography student and Brooklyn, NY native.

These series of self portraits started in 2002 and really dive into how one perceives themselves when they are overweight. Her 11-year journey (and 110 pound weight loss) allows others to see the pain (mental, physical, emotional)  and progression as Ms. Davis takes control of her life, image and soul.

I have two favorite pictures from this gallery:


This shot speaks volumes to me. 
Even though I know that Klay loves me, and my body, I feel the incessant need to put all of my clothes back on, directly after sex. 
Even now, with my body becoming toned and healthier by the minute, I would still do it.
It is very hard to change your own Body Image, once you've knocked it down to non-existence. 


This shot, shows empowerment to me.
Sitting alone... Sitting tall... Sitting Strong.
I hope to be that comfortable in a bathing suit this summer.

I was really moved by this collection of photos.
It reminds me that in this journey.. to a healthy lifestyle...
that part of that lifestyle should embrace loving myself...
Inside and Out.
Allowing my body image to be dictated by what is inside of me, so it shines through and allows the outer image to GLOW.

Happy Thursday!

Unintentional Button Pushing

I read, and peruse a lot of blogs.
They go from Mom Blogs to the Paranormal to Photography.. and all things in between.

 Sometimes you read something, and it strikes a nerve within you.
You judge yourself, based on something you read...

It starts an internal battle and soul search.
You begin to type a comment... to share the thought provocation elicited by the post you have read.

It goes one of two ways...
1) The person gets that you are talking about yourself, and reads it just as a comment.
2) The person pretends not to care, but takes it very personal and tries to comment back... without appearing to be agitated.

It happens.
Written tone... not very easy to get across.

I make no apologies for who I am.
I don't expect anyone else to do that either. 

The Blog-o-sphere is a vast land, with different people.
I take a little from each post I read.
It's like a never ending 'Dear Abby' for me....

I find my solace.
I find peace here.

And that's a wonderful thing.
Even if, I unintentionally push peoples buttons...
From time to time.

Wednesday, April 24, 2013

Happy Talentods Day!

Talentod's Day can be defined as such:

Talentod’s Day. It’s a holiday made up by Baking Suit a few years back to celebrate love in all shapes. You just have to celebrate love of some kind. Love your friends? Love your shoes? Love your job? Love your new house? Love your parking spot? Doesn't matter what it is; today is the day to Love it Loud and Love it Proud.

I figured that I would take part in sharing the a list of the things I love, and why:

Blogging is a release, a stress reliever. It is like a quiet friend that is always there to hear my venting sprees. And then, from time to time, it's a friend that shares wonderful insight. This insight and advice comes from people across the country, close to home, in different places in their lives...
It's a beautiful family.

I'm pretty sure he should have been #1 on this list, however, he is numero uno in my life, so, his ranking on a list shouldn't quite matter. He is my all, my everything, the reason I push myself as hard as I do. He is my greatest accomplishment. I love him so. His funny faces, weird statements, and inquisitive spirit are a joy.

Cheese and Crackers
I haven't had the pleasure in indulging in this snack as much as I want to. It really doesn't quite fit in to my happy Lifestyle. Recently, I did indulge. I took some fancy Black Truffle Brie and Cranberries, places them in a warmed oven, and let them get all gooey. Grabbed some chips.. and enjoyed.
I love trying new cheeses. Give me a glass of wine, cheese and crackers and I am a happy girl.

Cold Fruit
Give me an apple, an orange, strawberry, raspberry... it really doesn't matter... and let me throw it in the freezer for 15 minutes. I love the way cold fruit tastes and feels. Very Refreshing.

It's something I can do alone, or with a group. It keeps me active, and allows me to see natures true beauty. Packing up the backpack and spending the day outside... Amazing. I haven't gotten brave enough to climb up rocky terrain, but, I am pretty sure I am getting there.

Yup. I'll admit it; I am a homebody bum... Within the first 5 minutes of being home after work, I have my PJ's on... There is something very comforting about flannel pants and a large T-Shirt. If it's cold, I throw a hoodie into the mix, with some comfy slippers. MmmmMmmmm.

Pictures of Kittens
Enough Said

Dress Up
I love to get dressed up in garb for Renaissance Faires or Steampunk Gatherings.
The honest truth, I love Halloween as well...
Costumes, in any shape and size... Are Fun.
It's a great way for me to keep me feeling young.

Give me some Bath Salts with Essential Oils, 20 minutes, and a hot bathtub... and I am blissfully happy. It doesn't happen very often... but, when it does... OH MY GOODNESS. Heaven.

What do you love?
Happy Talentod's day!

Zombie Chic

Zombie Chic would describe my style choice today.

I sort of feel and look like this:
Found it Here 

This cold is kicking my butt.
My throat isn't as sore, and I didn't cough nearly as much this morning as I did the morning before.
But, driving to work...


It was kind of like this:
Found it Here

I am thoroughly exhausted.
I could barely match clothes together today.
Needless to say, Black on Black it is.
No makeup... again...
Hair pulled up in a clip.

I look like death.

But, here I am...
Sitting at my desk...
Chugging along.

And above that... I have an Added Extra "Women" Bonus of the day...
Don't we all love that one week of the month?

But, today is a special day...
Why? Check back a little later.

I need to get  de-zombified, and get some work done...
So I can show you the SPECIAL DAY post.

Stay Tuned.

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Can't Name This One... Read it ANYWAY!!!!! :)

Finding a title for a post is very frustrating...
It defines the topic and direction of what you, the reader, will read.

It basically decides whether you will, or will not click on the post, and come for a visit.

I hate naming Blog Posts.

I just thought I'd share that.

I have found that I am immersing myself more and more into this blog.
I am starting to really find my rhythm again.
Which is nice, because for a while...
I lost the drive to write.

I have found that the stress of buying a house, parenting, living a healthy lifestyle, work, etc. have contributed to focused posts. I'm not sure if that's positive or not.... 

I suppose it's better that I write about here, than let it stew inside, and explode out of me at the wrong time. 

Moving on...

Monday is Emry's Sparring Karate Class. 
He finally received all the gear that I purchased.
He is covered from HEAD to TOE... It is hysterical.
But, he can still move in it, and it shows real initiative.
There are 3 children within his belt range that are in this class, all the other children around his age only go to class once a week. 
He really wants to go to competitions, and him wanting to learn how to spar will allow that to happen. 
I'm very happy that he is really enjoying something. 
It's expensive... but so worth it.

I've noticed a real improvement in him.
He still has these moments when he loses focus and does something mind boggling... but, don't all kids? 

Emry: "Mama, when were you born? 2010? 2005?"
Me: "I was born in 1984."
Emry: "WHAT?! Was there POWER back then?!"
Me: *Turning Blue From Holding Back Laughter* "Yes, Yes there was"
Emry: "whoa"

(It's those moments when you realize that your kid thinks you are old. . . and you aren't technically, by social standards, there yet.)

After sparring class, Klay and I had to hike over a couple of towns to pick up a BASICALLY new rocking chair (and ottoman) for my friend who is pregnant. 
Basically new, at half the cost = Amazing Gift 

She was over joyed when we dropped by her house... 
It was nice to see her excited.

We borrowed Klay's fathers truck to pick up the rocking chair, so then we had to hike out to his parents house to drop off said truck, and pick up Klay's car.
We were home by 9pm.
I took a bath... struggled to do my situps... had a light dinner... took cold and cough medicine... 
Passed Out on Couch.

I almost slept through my alarm this morning.
Klay woke me up.
I am usually wide awake waiting for the alarm to go off...
Shows you how tired/sick I actually am. 

But, that is really all for now...


Monday, April 22, 2013

They say you have to FEED a COLD

Have you ever heard that old saying:
"Feed a Cold, Starve a Fever"

Well, this weekend... I had to... Feed a Cold.

It kind of started on Friday, I had this wicked sore throat...
Advil Cold and Sinus seemed to take care of it...
But, four hours after taking the dose, I would need to take another dose...

My body had the aches...
My eyes were showing signs of an oncoming fever.

I had to...

This weekend, I had a brief intermission from a Healthy Lifestyle....
I ate WHATEVER I wanted.

And, I knew my body needed it, because as soon as I was done with what I was eating slamming into my face, I was instantly hungry again.

I must have drank 3 gallons of water...

Sunday was, by far, the worse day of the weekend.
It is when I was sure I was feverish... the thermometer said otherwise.
But, I had this heat that seemed to be coming from EVERYWHERE.
Behind my eyes, in my sinuses, out my ears, from my toes....
I totally felt like I was burning up.
Thermometer kept reading on (or around) a 99...
Not a fever...
Trust me... if it were a fever, it be 103... or 104....
I just run very high fevers...

I didn't weigh myself at all this weekend.
I took a vacation from being healthy...
I had a bagel... I had lots of carbs... I think I even had a cupcake...
and some chips....
My dad and I made a warm Brie and Cranberry dip and demolished it with crackers.
I made a huge roast pork loin for the week... with a couscous risotto.
Not the most healthy of meals.
I probably won't eat a lot of it.

But, honestly, it's the best pork loin I have ever made.

I purchased a 5.25lb pork loin.
I rubbed it with:
Garlic Powder
Onion Powder
Chipotle Chili Pepper
White Pepper
Ground Mustard

I seared it on both sides, and then placed it in a preheated 375 degree oven.
Covered and Cooked for about an hour. 

It came out super tender, and juicy.
Let off a lot of nice liquid, that turned into a nice gravy.

The couscous risotto:
One box of Couscous (prepared to directions)
Diced and Sauteed Squash and Onion
Plain Hummus
 Garlic and Lemon Juice

Mixed Together.

Overall it was a very tasty meal.

I have a bunch of healthy options for my week:
Boca Burgers
Tilapia Fillets
Lean Cuisines

So, I am not going to repeatedly fall into temptation!

But, having a cold..

No Fun.

Friday, April 19, 2013

Pretending to be a Rock Star...

Yesterday, I wanted to tell you about a man...
who claimed to be a founding member of the band Anthrax.

Here is this tale:

I know a little about Heavy Metal Music and the band Anthrax... one of the things I 100000% know is that the founding members did not consist of a man named

Why do I say this. Well, let me tell you about my interview... with Bob Rosenberg of **Company Name Removed**.
Located 5 minutes from my current position. Which alarmed me because, in just under a mile I wandered into the ass crack of america... the Hasidic Ghetto (Side note: I have nothing against Jewish people, it is the best description for the area), if you will. This company is located in a RUN DOWN OFFICE BUILDING, with a non-working elevator, holes in the walls, and exposed wires in the stairwell.

Mr. Rosenberg, is in a spacious (by spacious, I mean a shoebox) suite, in which HE is HIS ONLY EMPLOYEE.

Let me get back to the Heavy Metal Band Anthrax (founded by Scott Ian and Danny Liker)...
In the middle of my "interview" he asked me what I knew about Heavy metal music... 
and then told me he was

I told him, that was "awesome"... fed the ego... and continued the interview... 90% of which was about how RICH he was, and how WELL I'd be taken care of. . . . . I kid you not... I can't... I can't believe I kept a straight face.

(The entire time I was looking at the "office" out of the corner of my eye thinking 'this is what rich looks like....I must be freaking loaded in dough.')

I am so glad I didn't bring my references with me... gave me an excuse to get out of the interview. I said I would EMAIL them to him.... That email is never being sent... in case you were curious....

I took it as a sign... to ride it out... to good work... and wait for a better opportunity to present itself to me...And trust me... compared to that guy... and his "Company"... Unemployment is a WAY BETTER OPPORTUNITY.
I would have much rather someone else with me to call BS on this guy... but, I honestly was afraid that he may chop me into little pieces with his yamaka... and store me in one of the empty closets of the "office".....

And that... well...
That also confirmed the presence of a God.
In whatever capacity...
It was like the Almighty punking me from the heavens.

I was waiting for Jesus to hop out of a closet and say: GOTCHA!

Thursday, April 18, 2013

Being Committed to Change... and how GOOD it feels

I went to the dinner last night, 
and oh boy was I wrong with what I picked.
I should have taken a picture.
It was the tiniest, most friend piece of eggplant you have ever seen.
Covered in CHEESE and SAUCE...

The chicken marsala on the other hand..
Wasn't even breaded.
And had a reasonable portion size.

The whole table was served the family style appetizer of:

I stayed far far far away from those.

I had a few bites of the eggplant... less than half.
The penne was, thank the gods, not even close to being cooked...
So I had very little of that.
The only blessing...
Was the Lemon Garlic Sauteed Broccoli.
I did have a nice taste of that.

I stayed away from the, not one, but TWO pieces of cake that were served after dinner.
I had a nice glass of hot tea.

I brought the leftovers home to Klay.
And, well..
When I woke up this morning, I was 1/2 a pound less.

It makes me feel accomplished.
It makes me feel good.
I have conquered the "over eating in a social setting" anxiety!


I overall had a really great time.
It was nice to get out with the ladies from work...
And just... hang out.

The event was a farewell for the leader of our Women's Book Club.
(don't ask... it's something that gives me a 45 minute lunch once a week.)

now that I know that I am on the right track...
I can move on to another tale...

About a man...
Who claimed...
to be a founding member of Anrthax.
(Heavy Metal Band, if anyone doesn't know)


Stay Tuned Friends!

Wednesday, April 17, 2013


A healthy lifestyle and diet is always subject to temptation.
Temptation, for me, is usually when I have to go to a restaurant.

Today, after work, there is a farewell dinner, for someone who is moving out of the country.
We all had to pick meals up front, and I must say, it was no easy thing.

The selections were:
(I will add a rough nutritional estimate)

Tilapia Piccata
(401 calories, 15.6g Carbs, 22g Fat, 23.5g Protein)
Meatball over Rigatoni
(519 calories, 79.8g Carbs, 10.3g Fat, 24.5g Protein)
Chicken Marsala
(448 calories, 13.3g Carbs, 26.6g Fat, 28.8g Protein)
Eggplant Parmesan over Penne
(392 calories, 15.2g Carbs, 30.6g Fat, 14.6g Protein)

I chose the Eggplant Parm over Penne. In theory, it seemed like the safest option.
The meal will probably be served with Rolls, Salad, and a cake (for dessert).

How do I stay healthy and not look like a HEALTH FREAK?
Or look like the girl who is STARVING herself...
(My change of eating habits has some people saying that I am "crash" dieting... Which offends me, because I eat... all the time, I'm just more cautious about what I put into my body. And, I exercise, daily... Which yields wonderful results.)

I thought about this... in depth...

Here are my thoughts:

  1. Get a lot of Water. The more water I drink, the less I will think about eating.
  2. Have conversation. The more I chat, the less I will stuff my face.
  3. Dressing on the side, if there is a salad... Try to eat more salad than entree.
  4. Cut my meal in half. Visually understand where the half way point is on the plate, and eat no more.
  5. With that in mind, try to eat more Eggplant, than Penne...
  6. Take home leftovers for Klay... He needs to eat too. 
  7. Stay away from the Rolls, which is hard.. nothing better than a roll with butter.
  8. As for dessert... I think a hot tea would be the safest thing... 
Hopefully by that point, I will be too full for dessert.

In theory, this should work.
It's the execution that I know will be most difficult for me. 
I try not to indulge during the week. I save any indulgence for the weekend, where it is the HARDEST for me to stay on track. 

But, these type of events will start happening more and more.
Just today, I got a notice about a covered luncheon that will be happening in May.
Which means, lots of FOOD... that I have no idea of.... and will be delicious. 

Healthy Lifestyle, means making a permanent change... A permanent change that will be challenged.
It shows my dedication when I can honestly say No to unhealthy food, and Yes to the healthy ones.

What would you do in this circumstance?

Lent has been over for half a month now... and I am still sticking to my guns about Limiting the Junk.
It feels good.
I feel good.
And, well, not to toot my own horn, I look pretty good too.


Tuesday, April 16, 2013

I didn't know what to say...

I really didn't know what to say today, but I read something that helped a lot:

Found it here

I know that the news will be buzzing about this.
I know that the authorities are trying to get to the bottom of the who, and the why.
I do not want to speculate.

I want to do something, like Non-Stop Mom, to help.
If only on a local level.

I mention that I work for a Christian Organization, I am going downstairs today, and see how I can contribute... 

Tragedies, like yesterday, bring about a lot of negative feelings, and negative after effects.
There are a lot of people who help, but there are also a lot of people who just want more negativity to come from it.

I will not read speculation.
I will wait until our President tells us the truth.. when the truth is available.
I will not look at the pictures, or the videos...
That will not help the matter at all.

My thoughts,
My prayers, 
My hopes...
Are for those effected by yesterday.

More to come at "Just Life: Take Two"...
Stay Tuned.

Monday, April 15, 2013

Amazing Fun Weekend

This weekend completely made up for the horrible week I had previously had.

We went to:
(located in Yonkers, NY)

It was a tad small, especially for the ticket prices, however, we had an AMAZING time.
Emry is all about Legos right now, and it was a big treat for him.

It was completely geared for kids in Emry's age bracket, and I found myself completely LOVING every minute of it.

We left in the mid-afternoon, got there around 4p, and stayed until 8p...
We went out to dinner, and by time we got home... It was around 11p.

A really long day for my little one.
But, since we never do things like this... it was well worth it and deserved.

And, if you are thinking, "Wasn't he exhausted the next day? Did he sleep Sunday away?"
The answer is: NO.
He woke up at 8a, and was prepared to build a Lego set he bought while at LegoLand.
He wasn't over tired.
He was just READY TO GO!

Us, the adults, on the other hand...

I had to wait for the guy who was repairing the front stoop at our new house.
(Closing Date is COMING SOON!)

I had to make healthy dinner options... one of which didn't work out....

I was going to make a ground beef/squash spanish stew..
However, my dad thought he'd be helpful, and make meatballs instead...
Since I was SO busy.

So, the healthy option I made for myself to eat this week:

Black Bean and Salsa Soup Recipe
Black Bean and Salsa Soup
Instead of using Sour Cream on the top, I used plain yogurt.
And, it tastes delicious!

Now that the amazing fun weekend is over...
Time to do some real work...

Happy Monday!

Friday, April 12, 2013

Hate your kids?

I was perusing Yahoo this morning, and came across this article. 
It was written by Isabella Dutton (pic below), who resides in the UK.

Isabella Dutton would have been happier not having children
Isabella Dutton

The article was a very well written depiction of her life, from the point of having children to present day.

She stands by the fact that her children were, for lack of a better term, a hindrance, and that her life would have been so much more FUN without them.

I read this, and I got on the Mommy-Offensive.
You know? The one where all mothers have an opinion, and we go to war with each other over who is right? 

But, I stopped.
And... I read the whole article.

And, I swear...
I can't believe I am saying this...

I respect this woman.
 Ask me why?

I respect her for doing the right thing, despite what her true feelings were on the subject.
I respect her for doing, what most people would not.

Our country is plagued with women and men.. who clearly did not want to be parents, but still had children anyway.
A lot of children are neglected, and sent to foster care because of this.
Some, are horribly abused for the mere fact that they were born.

This woman wanted to give her husband a happy life.. that he wanted.
She raised well adjusted children, and still cares for her sick adult daughter.
She does this.. 
because it is her duty as a mother.

There is no better way to say it.
She does it:
Because it is her duty.

She goes on to say that she grew to love her children. 
 Which says something.

I commend her for doing something that was clearly hard for her.
Because honestly, most wouldn't.
It's easier to cast aside.
It's easier to neglect.
It's easier to say "what about me?" "what about my life?"

When I had Emry..
The truth is I had never wanted to be a mother.
I've said it before...
It just wasn't in my "plan".
Unlike this woman...
The second I looked at him...
I knew that little boy was my heart.
And, I've done everything in my power to keep him safe, loved, and happy.

So, Isabella Dutton, good on you.
To admit, what most would never admit.
To do, what others with your feelings, would not do.

Happy Friday.

Thursday, April 11, 2013

Never forget your self-worth

“It is difficult to make a man miserable while he feels worthy of himself and claims kindred to the great God who made him.” 
~Abraham Lincoln

 I will not allow the awful environment at work to get me down. 
I have a lot of great things in my life.
I am smart, poised, and gifted...
And, I am sure that, it is seen...or will be seen... by those who value that.

“Sometimes the hardest part of the journey is believing you're worthy of the trip.”  
~Glenn Beck

Life is this hectic and amazing journey.
I haven't even begun to climb the mountain in which is my life.
At 28 years old, even though I have seen a rocky patch or two, 
I have only started to climb to my peak potential.
I am unsure if others can say the same.

“Let's tell the truth to people. When people ask, 'How are you?' have the nerve sometimes to answer truthfully. You must know, however, that people will start avoiding you because, they, too, have knees that pain them and heads that hurt and they don't want to know about yours. But think of it this way: If people avoid you, you will have more time to meditate and do fine research on a cure for whatever truly afflicts you.” 
~Maya Angelou

Oh, Maya, what a wise woman you are.

My self worth is all I need. in regards to this place.
Work.. is Work.
Regardless of how jovial the work environment once was...
It isn't now.
Everything has a time.
Everything has a season.
And this is definitely the season to buckle down, and keep my head low.
(while I keep my eyes out for better opportunities).

I have my health.
I have love.
I have happiness.
I have intelligence.
I have strength.
I have beauty (inside and out.)

I know who I am.
And, I think that's pretty darn awesome.

I've seen the transformation in me...
It started when I got here.
I saw my true potential.
I gave myself some credit.
And, I worked... and continue to work...
Very hard.

I shaped myself inside and out.
I am who I am meant to be.
I will grow...
I will evolve.

And that's that.

Never forget:
Who you are is important.
Who you are is of value.

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Another Pound... More Drama.... and Food.

I have officially lost 16.2lbs.
I am very excited about this.

The doctors appointment I went to on Monday afternoon, was able to diagnose my problem, and I am now on the path to recovery. The slow... painful... path.

You don't need to know what's wrong.
Trust me.
It's 100000% a TMI thing.

Work has been awkward.
There has been definite drama.
I know I handled it well.
I should have known better that it would work out on my side.
It didn't.

And, even though it's "smoothed" over in their eyes...
I am currently, and silently planning a lateral move to another company that will respect my character, honesty and integrity. 
But, I will find the right position first.
Not going to flip-flop from position to position.
I am a monogamous worker...
of sorts.

 It makes me sad, that in my 3 years at this company that I have not earned any "street cred".

Everything is an experience.
Life is a journey.
No negative.
Only positive.
Pushing toward the bright future I have.

Back to my new current topic of conversation:

Now that I am just about to my goal... 
(give or take a few more pounds, and toning Muffiny areas)
I can feel this weird thing.
It's creeping in.
I can totally feel it.
I know I have all the healthy choices in the world in my refridgerator.
However, I am still day dreaming about that Huge Burger from Buffalo Wild Wings.

I think it may have a little to do with my stress.
But, seriously... I have made the decision to be healthy.
And Buffalo Wild Wings.. can not be a week day DINNER option.
Perhaps.. once a month... if ANYTHING.
But, seriously..
Fast Food/Restaurant Food should not be on my brain.

This week the healthy options I prepared were:

Eggplant and Tomato Bake Recipe
Low Cal - Eggplant and Tomato Bake
 Now, when you look at this recipe... you will see one very clear WEIRD ingredient.
PLAIN Yogurt.
Now, if you are anything like me, do not be dismayed or grossed out by that.
Once baked, the plain yogurt no longer tastes disgusting... 
It actually tastes like ricotta cheese.
So, this, in essence, is a low-cal Eggplant Parmesean. 
Trust me.
It's killer.

The next thing I made, and improvised on was:

Lighter Chicken Egg Foo Young  Recipe
Lighter Chicken Egg Foo Young

This recipe fulfilled my need for Chinese Food, and the hankering for EGGS. 
Seriously.. I wanted quiche SO BAD!!!!
You use egg whites.... which cuts the calories down extremely!

Now... where I improvised:
I could not figure how to make and store said Egg Foo Young.
So, instead of Egg Pancakes.. I made a HUGE egg bake out of it.
The recipe shows how you can make 2 servings.
I just adjusted the servings to 12. 
This way.. it would make a few meals for the 3 of us... Emry couldn't eat this.
SOY Sauce is one of the KEY ingredients.
I took the pre-cooked (but, not TOO overcooked) chicken, and I placed it in a Pyrex baking dish, with the other combined ingredients.
I had the oven preheated to 350, and I let it cook for about 10 minutes, before I checked it.
You will notice, the egg whites take a while to set up with this method. 
Don't fret.
Just check it every 5 minutes after that, until it is JUST about perfectly set up.

Loved it.

My house LOVED both of these.
And, I think I am showing them that on a weekly basis...
We can eat Healthy and YUMMY!

Monday, April 8, 2013

Monday Photo Prompt - The Tracks

Bifocal Univision - Monday Photo Prompt
To see it.
Eyes Wide
Lips tight
Palm Sweating
to touch it.
He looks up
I look down
We strain
to hear it.

Childhood innocence
Maternal Joy
Hand holding
enjoy this moment
Simple pleasures
Touching moments
This place
better than a movie.
Will it be Steam powered?
No, Diesel.
His eyes
brilliant in the haze.
What is it about boys and their love of trains?
Happy Monday!

Living a Healthy Lifestyle when you are Sick

For the past week I have been dealing with a weird... medical concern.

Doctor really had no answers for me...but, great guesses.
You have to try a couple of things..
Take a couple of meds....

To no avail.

I'm getting worse though.
I can feel my body feeling more cruddy by the day.

More concerns have arisen.
Doctor is going to check me again today.
Another 1/2 personal day to be taken.

How does one live a healthy lifestyle when they are not 100% well?

I keep trying to work out. . . Just won't push it super far. 
I am pacing myself more than I have been.

No 10 minute mile today...
I could barely do 1/2 a mile in 10 minutes today.
I ache.
I am tired.
I am nauseous. 

I'm already eating healthy.. but, when I don't feel well..
I want comfort food.
I won't eat it...
But, hell do I want it.

How do I keep my body on the right track? 
Or do I say, "Forget this" and just allow myself to be comforted by
Inactivity and Carbohydrate filled food options.

I'm almost afraid to find out that I caused this by changing my diet to quickly and/or exercised too hard.
But, I am hoping it isn't that... I don't think I am pushing myself very hard.
I know I could be working out more.
So... it can't be that... right?

Overall, I am really worried.
I get very worried when it comes to my health and the potential that I may have to take off extended periods of time from work. I save all my sick time/personal time for my son.. and if he needs me to use it. We are buying the house, and I need the vacation time to close on the house and move in.
It seems that when I need to be healthy... I seem to fall apart.
And that is just the "Murphy's Law" of my life...

I have to push through.
Hope for the best.
Just try to keep being positive.
Even though...
it's very hard..
and I'm very worried.

About me.
My work.
My life.
My body.
Just everything.

Keep me in your thoughts.
I need all the positive energy I can get.


Friday, April 5, 2013


I can't breathe.
The air has left the room.
All I can do is be
Crying behind dry eyes.

Sense of safety:
Can't be happy
Not here

Not now.

Ugly on the inside

These are the only ways,
you think you'll get to the top?

Making enemies.
Never fun.
You've made one in me.
You are scum.

Everyone deserves a second shot
but you
most definietly not.

You are nothing.
You will be nothing.

I will not feel pity.
For you.

The things you allow
are your responsibility.

These lies
will catch up to you eventually.

Feel the office walls closing in.
Trying not to be hysterical.
The truth always wins.

Hard when you feel unsupported.
Hardened by the fake people who used you.

Over emotional.
Wish I wasn't here.
How dare you do this

I would never threaten your position.
I'd never take that away.
You come in here, and try to take me out?
3 years
to your 3 months.


Trying to find the light.
Trying to be the bigger person.

Knew I couldn't trust you.
From day one.

Jealousy makes people do funny things.

Got to continue




I feel violated

Can't feel this way.
Not here.
I need this place.
I need to be here.



Got to keep breathing.

Thursday, April 4, 2013

Doctor's office = No Answers

They took blood.
Documented my symptoms.
Prescribed me stuff (more on that later).

If I don't get better or feel a little better by tomorrow...
I need an ultrasound.

There is a lot of pain in my lower abdomen and my lower back.
It stinks.

I took Emry to karate, with the intention of going to the pharmacy after his class.

I get to the pharmacy.
No call.
No Prescription.
No relief in sight.

This is very unlike my physician. 
Mistakes happen.

So, the Pharmacist calls the on-call physician trying to get me something.

Physician called me back after the pharmacy had already closed.
"Sorry, we cannot do anything now."
I swear.
I was in a lot of pain.
So, I played the.."Oh, you're on a really bad connection, I'll call back in the morning."

And then I cursed this on-call doctor's name...
Very loudly.

Only me.
Weirdest chick on earth... typing... for you.. right here!

It's awful.
It's depressing.

I was told not to change anything in my routine.
The exercise.
The diet.
The lifestyle.
All of that is the way it SHOULD be.

But, I still feel really cruddy.
Makes me want to eat something bad for me.
Yup, I am totally an emotionally eater.

I did very good this morning.
There were WAFFLES... being MADE.. in my BREAK ROOM.
I didn't have any.
I may have huffed some syrup. SO SWEET SMELLING.

There were also bagels in the cafeteria...
Turned those down too. 

And I am sure they miss me.