People Just as Crazy as Me

Monday, March 31, 2014

Take your time...

Take your time is something we say to Emry on a daily basis. His teachers tell him the same. 
We always hear, "Emry is a bright kid, and he is super intelligent. He'd be unstoppable if he'd just slow down."

So, we ask him to take a breath, to stay with the class, to focus on each problem on a test. We take him to karate and try to enforce that focus and discipline are important. And if used correctly, can help you to achieve great things.

And, then I realized... his lack of focus, is sort of, my fault. 

His rush to finish, rush to get it done... is my fault. 

And as much as karate teaches him these valuable aspects... it's also part of the problem.

How so?

Because, we have to rush to get to there.
Which means, we have to rush to get home, rush to eat dinner, and rush to get all the way over to the dojang. . . . then we rush to get home, rush to get in the bath... and rush to get him into bed.

How am I helping teach him to slow down, and focus, when I am running him around like a puck on an air hockey table?

You're right. I'm not. I'm teaching him to go through things quickly.. just for the sake of getting them done.

This was a HUGE realization this past week. Light bulbs went off and everything.

So, after discussing with his teacher possible options to rectify this... It came down to one clear answer.

We need to extend his bedtime, and put time between each nightly event. To teach him that everything isn't a race. And that taking his time with all things (from dinner to bath time) is very important. 

He's a kid... Heck, he's MY kid... and not a part of my OCD schedule that I can fit in a time slot. 
He has feelings, and he gets tired too. I knew these things, but, this life we lead... well... it blurred that for a bit.

This past weekend, well technically since this past Wednesday evening, we have tried extending our time... And on this past weekend, we even had some time to just Hang out... and relax together. 

And truth be told, I still got everything done. A little later than I would have liked; a little later than my energy would allow.. But, it got done. 

Now, it's getting Emry used to the fact that this extra time, is for him to relax, so that he can focus on the important things. The first and second night were interesting. 

Particularly Thursday night: In which, I started to realize that he was going to try and take advantage of this "later bedtime, so I can take more time to do everything." 

I had to remind him that just because we were going to take our time and do periods of rest between each aspect of our evening, that he was not to take advantage of it. (IE: when he tried to make 3 chicken nuggets, a handful of grapes and some Cheez-its last 30 minutes)

He got the point, and doing this schedule, we had an extra 45 minutes before bath time to do anything he wished. So, we played with Bey Bladez (look it up, it's a waste of money, but the kids sure love them) and a game of Uno. 

The way it is looking is that on Karate Nights the following loose schedule applies:
  • Pick up at after school program and go home.
  • Pick out dinner and eat.
  • Remaining time used for relaxing and getting dressed for Karate.
  • Karate class 6p (got to leave the house by 5:25p at the latest)
  • Come home, do homework. 
  • Have snack and relax
  • Take bath
  • Read a book and bedtime.
Seems kind of nuts right? But those two extra areas of relaxing/chill time will help when it comes down to doing the homework and actually taking the bath.

Then there are the nights where we are Karate Free:
  • Pick up at after school program and go home.
  • Relax/Read a book (20 minutes or so)
  • Pick out dinner and eat.
  • Watch some tv/relax (20 minutes or so)
  • Homework. 
  • Relax and Have a Snack (depending on how long hw takes up to 45 minutes)
  • Take bath
  • Read a book and bedtime.

These three areas of relaxing/cool down time... Also makes things less structured. Give a sense of breathing between activities.

This means that we extended his bedtime until about 8/830p....... Which in my opinion is a little late for a 7 year old. But, if I remember correctly, I started staying up that late when I was around 8 years old, so I guess I'm not so far off.

Now bedtime is a loose term. The time above is the time that he is supposed to be in his room and in his bed. If he chooses to read longer, or listen to his radio.. that's fine... We just want him laying down by that time. If that makes sense.

So far, he hasn't been super tired for school the next day.

And as his teacher says, Emry never runs out of energy, so perhaps the extra hour up will take away some of these High Energy moments.

Honestly, this is hard for me... because, the way I am, I want to get stuff done and then relax. The stopping and starting just makes me more tired. But, Emry isn't me... And he's only 7.... And I have to cater to his personality as well.

Parenting sure is fun. **SARCASM ALERT**

He's my world, and I need to remember that... I'm doing all of this for him... So he can be happy and healthy. So he can have a care-free childhood.

The best thing about a plan, is that you can always change it...
I have to remember that once something works, and our schedule is easy.... That at a moments notice it can change.... and we have to make a new plan of action. And that is OKAY.


Friday, March 28, 2014

I am not a Super Hero

A lot of people are always telling me that I'm super human. 
This is because I take a lot of things on, and manage to accomplish them...

But, I am just one person, and I have no super human powers to speak of.

And even though on the outside I show the "I got this" chick... on the inside, I'm usually a bundle of nerves. I am usually completely on edge, and over thinking. Trying to plan ever millisecond so I can get everything done.

Worry and Over thinking are Incorrect uses of Imagination... I read that somewhere... Probably a Meme on Facebook... But, it's true.

Instead of using my energy and just taking things one step at a time, recently, I've had mental list on top of mental list. If I'm sitting down, I'm usually thinking, What am I forgetting. Because in my head, recently, there should be no time left for sitting down... unless it's sleeping. 

This is wrong.

Over work, Over thinking, Over scheduling... Non stop motion from 430a to 9p seven days a week: IS NOT HEALTHY.

Shocked? I know, I am too. **Mild Sarcasm**

I also beat myself up... when I forget something on my checklist. 

This happened the other night. Hell, it was Wednesday night. 

Emry has recently changed karate schools... a lot of drama, and not intended for this post. MOVING ON.
His new dojang had a "Bring your friends Night", and we were supposed to hand out these paper invitations to our children's friends. 
Wednesday came, and Emry asked me who I had invited... and I just kind of went blank.

I forgot.

This was not a big thing. It's not a required thing, just something nice that the dojang offers. I know this. Emry asked me why I forgot.. and that started the panic attack. Which, I allowed to overflow...
I cried.

Because I'm not perfect, because I forgot and I had too much going on. And I'm sorry that I forgot this thing on my to do list. 

I said these things aloud. Emry just kind of looked at me... And patted my back. "It's okay Mama. It's not a big deal. I didn't mean to make you cry."

The thing is... he didn't make me cry. 
In the back.. the very back of my head, I knew it was okay and that it was just this little gaff...

My mental state... well.. It took over, the panic attack took shape and told me that I was this awful parent, and how could I let a ball drop from the ever growing mental check list. That a good mother wouldn't have let this happen. That if I was a Stay at Home mother, this would have never happened.. that I am not doing right by him, that I cannot be MOM first and WORKER later... 

My mental state ran a freaking marathon around me.
That's why I cried. 

Because in those mere seconds... My head worked me up into a freaking tizzy.

Not cool?
I agree. I'm working on it. 

This was also the day we had a parent/teacher conference with Emry's teacher. This is something that happens twice a year... and we're never really surprised with the 2nd one of the year. This is also a story for another post... But, the point I'm making is... I was a little stressed before we got into the car to go to karate. 

I'll talk about that tomorrow.

I'm not a Super Hero.
I am human. I have weaknesses.
I do not have never ending energy.

I need to be the best I can be, and every day that level will change.

I need to realize that mostly everything can be pushed off until tomorrow.
That my OCD is not in control... That if my checklist has a few things unmarked.. that EVERYTHING will be okay. 

A lot is going on between being a Mom, Planning a Wedding, Working... 
If I pray really hard, God will still not give me a couple extra hours. 
And that's okay. 
Because the world will not end because I didn't finish cutting up the fruit for the week or didn't clean the glass for the 5th straight weekend in a row.

I need to remember WHY I do all these things. 
The reasons are simple:
  • Emry
  • Klay
  • My Dad
  • Our lovely home

Now, if I'm so busy doing the things... and not enjoying the reason(s) why I do them. Does that make any sense?

I need to enjoy things. I need to enjoy the people I am working so hard to provide for.

I need to be more present in my life... and not just the cleaning/food shopping/yelling banshee woman in the background.

I need to be the person all these people LOVE.
They need to be a priority.. A higher one then completing check list.

 That's all I have to say about that.

Like what you're reading? 
Let me know.
Have an opinion?
Let me know.

Thursday, March 27, 2014

Where I'm at... and stuff like that.

Hi, my name is Kat.. and I haven't blogged... in a LONG time...

Now, you all say, in unison, "Hello Kat."

So, I'm back.. at least I think I am.

I think I've got my head on straight enough to dive back into this without becoming entirely overwhelmed. . . . .

Where was I? Well, I was right here... the entire time... stalking from the perimeters... thinking about writing, but abstaining. I wasn't myself.. at all.. and I was scared to write some things... Hell, I was afraid to write about anything.

But, I'm not now.

Let's go through the checklist of possible questions you probably have:

  • Yes. I have maintained my weight loss and then some new changes there:
    When I stopped blogging, one of the many reasons was that I was so stressed, I wasn't giving a rats ass about what I was eating. I thought "I'll just run it off later." And that became a losing battle, and it became one quickly. Kicked myself in the head, and changed my workout.
    I am now doing 2-3 days a week of Running with Core exercises and 2 days a week of Weight/Strength Training. I got myself back on track about a month ago.. and have actually became more lean then ever before. Please re-read that. I have not lost more than my original 50lb weight loss... I have just got lean and strong. Look above. I gots muscles! My legs are tighter and my core is more compact. I feel strong too. And that is very important in my world.
  • Yes. Klay and I are still getting married:
    The countdown on that is 191 days 22 hrs 32 min 35 seconds. Yes, I have a countdown on my phone. This subject was the start of a lot of stress in my world. It was what almost broke me. Isn't that funny? Something that is supposed to bring us the most joy.. was pulling us individually (and together) apart? Forget that! I had to take control of that. Weddings are stressful things. A lot of interesting family dynamics come through... A lot of things you never realized bothered you.. will now bother you. Everyone has an opinion and most people are just trying to be helpful. But, I, I felt smothered. I felt like the seas were coming down around me. I felt like I was being judged for every decision I was making... And, I don't think I really was.
    I got a dress, and the fitting is next month. One of the fittings, at least. I bought shoes, and made crafts.. and have been antique diving... And scraping every little penny I have to make this work... And I want to tell you all about it. In time.
  • Emry is still the world's most awesome kid:
    His royal majesty, our Lord and Master.. turned 7 years old a couple weeks back. We through him a large (it wasn't supposed to be) party... and had a wonderful time. Being a mom is also a full time job, and balancing my health, my wedding and him was... another stressor. I had to get back to a place where I remembered (and yes I forgot this)... He is a CHILD.. he is MY child and is not PART OF A SCHEDULE. Not a piece that I can just move around. This required more flexibility.. and if any of you remember my OCD.. is a hard thing for me to do. But I am working on it. I plan on writing a lot about that as well.
  • Work: Still at work.
    It's the same ol' same ol'........Nothing new to report... Except... NBC is in the building today.. and they are cardboarding all over the floors and the cubicles.... Weird... But, quite amusing.
  • Positivity or Negativity?
    I think I was more negative during the past few months... I think that was another thing... I was hiding, from myself, that I was really slipping out of the light. That I really did do something that I swore never to allow again... I let the dark in....
I hope that covers all of the aching questions.
You'll see some new changes here. I plan on continuing the recipes, wedding, positivity posts... But, I also would like to really start talking about what makes me go Hmmmm... What bothers me... I want to be alive and vulnerable in a way that I haven't been in a long time.
I'll probably change the layout too.. I think it's over due.

Tell me... You miss me?
Because I have missed all of you.

Come back and check in on me in a day or so... I bet you'll see a lot new reads and things...

~Love all y'all.


Monday, March 17, 2014

I'm here...

I've been getting a lot of "I'm worried" messages.

And, thank you to everyone for checking in on me.

I've been staying quiet.. and focusing on life.

Something had to give, and unfortunately the Blog was the least important.
I know, shocking, right?

I am doing better...

And would love to start up and writing again...

But... I'm just not ready....

If you want to be in contact with me, please comment on this post... I'll send my email to people who would like it.

I'm also on Facebook...

Just taking an extended break...

But everything is OK.

I am OK.

Love you all.