I don't know if this term really exists... or if I just coined it...
But, that's exactly what I have.. A Maid of Honor.. who is making the wedding ALL about her.
Funny thing... It's my sister.
And, even after countless conversations, and polite pushes for her to calm down... It hasn't happened yet.
I even told her flat out, that I felt as if she was taking over the wedding... that she was trying to make it all about her.
And then, she asked me why....
Since none of you have been there... or seen it, I'll give you my list of "I can't believe this happened"
- We made appointments on the same day to do DRESS things. In the morning, we went to a seamstress, so that my sister, who is a larger woman, could get a dress made for her. Now, if anyone has ever had a custom dress made for them, you will know that THIS is not a cheap thing. This woman was a friend of a friend, and my sister was completely rude when she heard how much this dress would cost. I was very embarrassed.
Let's fast forward:Later that day we went to one of the bridal stores that I wanted to try dresses on at, and due to the weather, no one else could come. We have had an awful winter here in NY. Just saying. SO, while I am trying on dresses, she begins to talk to the bridal consultant, and low and behold.. SHE begins trying on dresses. At the same time. This perturbed me a little bit, but I ate the anger, and just moved on... Then, she says, yes.. please be ready for this...
I'm just so nervous, I want to look nice on my wedding.
ERRRRRRRR... wait......... WHAT?
The bridal consultant gasped, and my sister turned her face to me... Not with a "I didn't mean to say that"... but with a "I didn't mean to say that out loud."
- On facebook, I started a bridesmaid group, so all of the bridesmaids could make decisions on the dresses. I opted to let everyone pick their own dress style, as long as it was reasonably close to the swatch I provided. Every suggestion made, she has to be on the contrary with. Shoes, the color decided upon was nude and a low pump. She doesn't DO heels, if only for an hour... and she hates nude shoes. I had to explain to her that she couldn't wear crocs to my wedding, and that formal shoes were required. She wanted lace flats... Ugh... NO.. your shoe has to at least MATCH the other bridesmaids.. flats or not.. it's got to be really damn close.
- THEN.. her dress was "clover" colored... So she kept trying to get the other bridesmaids to order that color.. even went as far as to say.. the dress color is "clover" and this is where you get it. In which I got a flurry of private messages... And had to repeatedly correct her statements.
- Then, she wanted a sash, to cover her arms.. because well, she's uncomfortable with the way they look, and that's fine. She said she was going to knit one, just for her, so she could look special. I told her that if she got a shawl, the other bridesmaids should also probably get a shawl, so the look is sort of cohesive. She didn't like that.. and then once again said that if she had to purchase a shawl.. the color would be CLOVER. Cheezus Crust woman, stop trying to make CLOVER happen.
- Bouquets... I don't want one, I'm not really a fan of them. But, I threw it out there so the bridesmaids could decide amongst themselves. No one wanted them... She did. Her reasoning: "She didn't want to fidget during my long ceremony." <-- br="" later.="" more="" on="" that="">I'm sorry that my wedding is going to BORE you. I haven't said any of these snarky comments out loud.. I try to be diplomatic and kind.. but, how much can one woman take?
- Long ceremony.. She started picking at the idea, that I would like my old boss and her husband... who are ministers... to marry Klay and I. My sister has NO faith... and is judgmental of anyone who has faith. She started asking my questions in a public forum about "Salvationist" ceremonies.. how long did they last? How religious were they? First off, the ceremony has one hour to get done. Whether we wanted it longer or not. That is what the venue allows. Second, what the heck do you really need to know about that? Why is it important? And why do you feel the need to poke at something I like? Her reasoning, is that she eloped and that she has no idea how REAL weddings work. Because her wedding ceremony was 15 minutes long. **twitch twitch**
- The bridal shower/bachelorette party: This is something that should be a pseudo surprise. You know? Nope. She told me that I had to pick an event/idea, give her the guest list (with addresses) and the date I wanted it.. and to keep it cheap because she isn't made of money.
So, I had to do all of the real work... for something that won't happen until July?
I asked her if maybe she could get together with the other bridesmaids or my other friends, so that personal touches, that I wouldn't know about, could be included... Nah, that's not necessary. Yup.. this is my life.
So that's my list. And it's all of these little things that have made such a HUGE thing.
We've talked about it. I've tried to be nice about it.
But, I'm running out of restraint.
I have to micromanage her.
She doesn't have a job.
Her son, is, grown... and doesn't really live with them anymore... This is a complicated subject, let's just say: There is no kids at home.
No after school activities to go to.
I'm not sure why I need to be this involved with things she is supposed to be able to handle on her own.
Also: That clover shawl just came in.. and you have to pick it up within 14 days... or they put it in the general pop of the store. And you have to then re-order it. Guess who's picking it up for her?
Yup.. that's right.. me.. the bride...
I don't have time for all of this.
I don't even have enough time to do MY wedding responsibilities...
The wedding is 6 months out, and I have time...
But... at this rate... I feel like the time is bleeding away... And that she should be able to handle herself as an adult. And get this shit done.
She says that she is just so excited for me... But, it doesn't appear that way.
It comes off as jealous and passive aggressive. And I'm not the only one who notices it.
I try to breathe through it... but you know, there's only so much breathing I can do.
I'm about ready to tell her that I don't want her to "help" anymore, and that she can hold the title of MOH but, all the responsibility has to go to someone else...
I also, have had several nightmares about her speech at the "reception"....
Several.. horrible... waking up in a cold sweat... Nightmares.
So, what is a girl to do?
Risk making a rift between sisters by opening my mouth and not sugar coating?
Or... keep quiet, and slowly wish we had eloped....