People Just as Crazy as Me

Tuesday, July 8, 2014

Purely Rage. (A ranting post... expletives a plenty)

There are those moments, when I realize.. "Why am I keeping all of this inside, I have a fucking blog... DUH" And then I look at the screen and instantly do not want to type what I am thinking. 

Isn't that weird? It's a fear of just typing it.. and getting it out there. 

But, not today, because this is the day that I get it all out there. 


I do not have many gal friends. This is for a couple of reasons, the major ones being:
  1. I am anti drama, and really dislike the drama that circulates around most women.
  2. I am not really in to GIRL things, and only recently have I found a set of gals who like to hike, workout, etc. etc. 
  3.  I was always the ugly duckling in school, even though I never really thought I was, and girls were cruel.. just very very cruel... hence a trust issue.
Now, I have a handful of gal friends.. which came in handy.. since, well, you know, I'm getting married in less than 3 months. (EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEK) So, I asked the really close ones to be my bridesmaids, and then when my cousins were unable to fill the other slots, I asked the other two close gal friends if they could step in (which they did, and thank God).

My best friend, and recently I've been using this term LOOSELY, Lissa, has been in this from the get go. She is the reason that Klay and I met. I love her... but, her lifestyle and strict "I only do what I want, when I want" ways are starting to REALLY REALLY piss me off. lies. She makes plans, and then the day of (or the day before) something MAJOR comes up and she can't attend. Major is usually a family problem, or a health thing. But, I then find out that the situation alleviates, so she is able to do fun activities in the day.. but, still couldn't come to the plans she had set with me... And it seems, because it happens all the time, that she drops plans with me, for something more EXCITING.. and FUN.

Now, when it comes to like BBQ's or Movies or going to the Carnival.. I could care less. You don't want to come (even though you were an avid part of making these plans)... whatever. I still have fun.

BUT, when it comes to BOTH of my dress trials (the buying and the fitting)... and then to every craft event (because I'm DIY'ing EVERYTHING to cut costs)... It is very fucking insulting. hate that she always has to be right, and that she always has an excuse, and that she just can't commit to anything. She always tries to twist the situations "I know I felt better later in the day, but I figure it was already over, so why even show up late?" FUCK YOU SHOULD HAVE FUCKING TEXTED OR CALLED.... THIS IS A PRETTY BIG DEAL AND IN YOUR IN THE FUCKING WEDDING PARTY.. I JUST WANT TO FEEL SUPPORTED! DAMMMIT!

And recently, I've noticed other things. I mean.. if she didn't want to be part of the wedding.. if it was too big of an imposition, she could have said NO. I wouldn't have judged her. I wouldn't have minded... But, if you make a commitment.. you see it through.

Is it so fucking wrong that I want a HAPPY experience during this WEDDING PLANNING?

And what's killing me recently, is SHE (and Ro) are PLANNING MY BACHELORETTE/BRIDAL SHOWER... AND, honestly, one of my other bridesmaids says nothing has been done, and she is getting worried FOR me.. that this will be just SLAPPED together.. and RUSHED.

It broke my fucking heart.
I get it

But, I would never EVER do this to someone.

I've never been asked to be a bridesmaid. My sister eloped... and once again, I don't have many gal pals! But, if I should have EVER been asked... I would be helpful. I would be present. I would be excited for the bride.. and do what I needed to do.

This shit has been killing me for MONTHS...
I mean... know this is more important to Klay, Emry and I... but SERIOUSLY.. is it so much to ask for a little "giving a shit" from your friends?

Stop pretending and being so stinking FAKE to my face.. and just say you don't want to do this.
Because, the unity of the bridal party is being fucked.. BY YOU.

I am trying so hard NOT to be a bridezilla.. I let the girls pick their hairstyles (as long as they were down and out of their face) the type of shoes (and color)... Heck... the only thing I said is "this is the dress color".... Everything else...  is really up to them.

But, the more I try to be cool and collected.. the more that LISSA walks over me...

Pushing her thoughts... and her ideas... and what she thinks would be best on her... and, thus for everyone else... And her ideas are $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.... honey, unless you are going to PAY for this... for EVERYONE... It ain't happening.. all of my pennies are being stretched TO THE MAX.

And it's just not cool.
It's NOT fucking cool.

So... I give up.
I don't know where to go with this.. without losing my fucking mind.. and screaming at her.'m emotional.. and I get loud. It's just who I am.
I know this.

And, I think it would end our friendship, if I told her how I allow the behavior to make me feel... and she would quip with that being my choice... and not see any of the blame on her. I'm pretty sure... LINES WOULD BE DRAWN.. Old west style. of it is...
She's always been a person who goes to the beat of their own drum.
And I really like that about her.

But, I've come to notice.. that it's at all costs. That no one. Not family. Not close friends.. Not anyone... can make her stray from her... mindset.
And that's kind of hurtful.

So that's it. That's the rage... 

What would you do?
How would you handle this?
How do I NOT become a bridezilla with this situation?


  1. Oh man I've come across this same issue when I was in the middle of my wedding planning. One of my bridesmaids pretty much skipped out on everything and was planning on going to the bachelorette party (where she wouldn't have to pay for anything since my sister was paying for everyone) although she ended up getting sick days before...all I have to say is karma is a bitch and if she's going to be like that then you have every right to revoke her invite to being a bridesmaid. Plus, if she's being that much of a pain, you shouldn't have to deal with it! This should be the happiest time in your life. :)

  2. I am sorry you are dealing with this. When I was engaged, I asked my best friend to be my maid of honor. I was hers at her wedding, and I had just gotten out of college and worked two jobs at the time to make ends meet. I always found time to go to her stuff, and made sure she had great parties that I had to plan and pay for by myself because none of her bridesmaids helped me.

    When it came time for me to get married, she was ugly to me about my parties. Said they were inconvenient for her and we needed to have them when it worked for her. She got mad because all of my bridesmaids wanted to help and offered to pay for stuff. How can you get mad about that?!?! And she ruined my dress fitting and bridesmaid dress shopping by having a horrible attitude. Then one day, she texted me and told me that she didn't want to be friends with me anymore after 13 years of being BFF. Like WTF?!?! (There was a lot more horrible shit that she did to me that I never said anything about, but I was trying to keep it wedding related to your post).

    Anyways, what I have learned is that most people don't give a damn about your day. They only care about theirs and since this is all about you...they are selfish and slack and treat you like an inconvenience. When it is their day, they turn in to bridezilla and don't understand why you can't attend all 7 parties of theirs. I have had two of my friends that are currently engaged cry to me about how awful their wedding parties are being to them. I don't understand why that happens? It seems more and more common. People are so selfish these days!!! I hope it gets better for you!

  3. Ok I think Nadine, you and me are blog friends because we are so same! I would do ANYTHING for my friends, being in their weddings I worked multiple jobs to pay to fly across the country for their parties/showers/events, never complained, crafted crazy special gifts, and honestly going into mine have zero expectations of everyone else. Also I'm really big on responsibilities? Like I feel like I was CHOSEN to be a bridesmaid and I have responsibilities as a friend and b-maid to do x, y and z and never complain. I feel like a lot of other people are really big on excuses instead. Ugh. Annoying. Sorry you have to deal with this. I'll craft some stuff at home and mail it to you!! (:

  4. I think these big life events are really when you find out who is important in your life. I'm so sorry you had to deal with all of this!!

  5. I can get over it if someone can't show up for my birthday party without telling me but not showing up for my dress fitting?! Come on! This is a tough situation cuz your wedding is important and it is always nice to have your friends there. Buuuut, you have to really weigh your options. If she is there will she f it up? If she's not, will you be sad/upset without her there?