We all know the saying "Nobody/Nothing is perfect."
But, yet, we all get wrapped up in this idea of PERFECT or PERFECTION.
Perfect ParentsPerfect Spouses
Perfect MakeupPerfect Perfect Perfect
And yet.... we all know that perfection is truly unattainable.
But, with the idea of perfection stuck in our heads... so is the idea of flawless.... to the point where this spills everywhere... especially into the above categories.
We are human, we make mistakes.. .we break out... we FREAK out... And that's the reality of it.
None of us are perfect. None of us are flawless.
All of us (some more vocally, than others) are in the same boat, sometimes it's just a different part of the river.
We're trying to get through, we're trying to move forward... We're trying to be the BEST we can be...
But, we get lost... And where we get lost is usually when we lose sight of what the overall goal is.
I'll give you a hint.. the overall goal is Not to be PERFECT or FLAWLESS.
The overall goal... and the very core... Is to be HAPPY.
Not "unicorn shooting rainbows out their bums" happy... But, content... with all that surrounds us.
Content in a way that we accept what we DO have, and motivated to move forward.. to keep chasing the stars... Content without being complacent? Does that make sense?
These are easy to type, but not easy to do.
Not for everyone. Not for those who are stuck... in the darkness... The ones who claim to want to move on and upward into the light... But just don't. Who refuse to do the work... to get there...
Who rather be told that they can't do something, because it is a hell of a lot easier than actually trying something out of their comfort zone.
I may fall 10,000 times, but that means I have also gotten up 10,001. RIGHT?
Why do I write this? Where is this ramble going? This brain dump of a post...
It started with my sugar crashing this morning. Hypoglycemia just comes out of nowhere sometimes. And I ate a BUNCH of these little chocolate covered peanut butter bites.. and that was only because I was about a half second from passing out AT work, and I couldn't manage to open my purse to get to my glucose tabs, let alone find them in my bag,.... So I went for something quick and easy...
The processed sugar and carb kicked my butt even harder. It stopped the complete blackout pass out. But, it added the tired, nauseous zombie feeling of incorrect food and my body trying to regulate that.
After that, I got really upset... I was kicking myself for the crap choice I made. Even though, at the time, I know it was the only choice that was the easiest to do.. without completely losing consciousness. I was making myself completely sick over ONE bad choice... And then I realized... that I was fucking STUPID... And I kicked myself in the butt, and just decided to get back on track.
I ate my healthy lunch of steamed kale over homemade chili, and just moved with it.
Because, it's a progression.. It's a life... It's not a perfect existence.. a perfect existence doesn't exist.
My sister jumped into the picture.
There has been a lot of turmoil...when it comes to my wedding
A lot of people are not being as helpful as they said they would be.
Trouble with the bridesmaids....
People who are planning the other functions (ie: bachelorette/bridal shower and rehearsal dinner) not doing ANYTHING...
ALL THIS STRESS, AND NO FUN AT ALL basically.
And I know,
Weddings do that. Stress is a part of the whole package.
But, there are glimmers of fun.. RIGHT?
SO, my sister (who has not been mentally well) decided to throw me an impromptu PRE-SHOWERETTE bash. Just a couple people.. Doing silly and fun things. And I was so down for it. Just a little frivolity.. RIGHT?
Well, low and behold, she called me a day or so later, to tell me that it wouldn't be happening, because she didn't check it with her husband. He doesn't think she is "stable" enough to throw such a function, let alone attend it.
Now... I'm of the mindset.. if you feel good enough to do something, you do it.
Well, that's not my sister, the second he told her that.. she started to spiral out of control again... Down in the dumps, thinking she wasn't capable of doing ANYTHING, other than FISHING... And it turned to 4 or 5 of us just hanging and being silly... to me, her and her husband fishing.
And I just wasn't down for that. So I declined. Because it wasn't really what I signed up for. I wasn't going to drive 2 hours up north, to have to race home the next morning to volunteer.. for basically a fishing trip. Even though I like fishing.. it doesn't scream FRIVOLOUS FUN. It screams.. clear your head, it's time for the early bird special time.
And, it hurts my feelings that she got me all amped up for something, and than it all crashed into NOTHING. Well, not nothing, but Fishing. I know.... I know... FISHING.
She didn't like that I was disappointed, and erupted at me.
And, because I didn't like being erupted at, I reciprocated...
Quite the family. Right?
She complains about not being able to work, because of her emotional issues.
She complains about treading water with life... and not knowing which end is up...
She complains about prescriptions not working...
She complains about the never ending cycle that goes along with all of this...
But, she never breaks the cycle.
She never tries something different.
She just puts herself back in their.. and she just spins her wheels.
Saying she will never be able to have a real life... the perfect life... how her flaws are permanent.. that she will never rise above.
That makes me so unhappy.. It makes me so sad...
PERFECTION IS UNATTAINABLE
FLAWS ARE A PART OF LIFE.
THE ONLY THING WE CAN DO IS TRY.
JUST TRY TO BE A LITTLE BETTER THAN WE WERE THE DAY (SOMETIMES THE MOMENT) BEFORE...
I'm tired of feeling this stress I have, but without it... there would be no life around it.
The storm and the pressure are part of the life.
How else are we to rise above, and know we've overcome, without the storm?
I constantly say, I choose to be happy.
And there are times I may forget.. but happiness is always the goal....
And where this is concerned.. Happiness is now the focus... Not the paperwork, not the people.. but the feeling. All of this is for happiness sake. It's another part of the journey, another step forward... It ends with a wedding... So, why do I need anything else? I don't. That's right. I don't NEED any of the extra stuff... so stop focusing on it. Focus on what I do have, and will have.
I don't want perfection
I'll never be flawless...
But, damn... I'll be happy...
And that's all that matters to me.