People Just as Crazy as Me

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

The roller coaster that never ends



 

So recently I was talking about my sister, and the darkness she let's consume her. I also wrote how it has been overflowing into my wedding planning, and events.

I also explained how she was throwing me a pre-showerette, but couldn't go threw with it for her mental health....

BUT THEN, my bridesmaid Angel took the lead, and I had the most awesome surprise party last Friday night!

And I enjoyed myself, I truly did.

Well, my sister... she obviously was not a fan, And was obviously very hurt that I either attended this SURPRISE party, or that Angel didn't cancel it because my sister couldn't attend.

Either way, my sister has blocked me from calling her, both on her cell and house phone. She has unfriended me on Facebook, and has told my father that she needs to protect herself from me.

WHAT? ARE WE KIDDING ME?

I went through a major roller coaster of emotions.

ANGER

http://theoverlookedonlookers.files.wordpress.com/2013/11/tumblr_inline_mrk5qq8div1qz4rgp.gif

SADNESS
 http://37.media.tumblr.com/fb5122fa0decb75687eec687fb7a8758/tumblr_mj5ww3YwIt1rgkaiyo1_500.gif


RAGE

 https://continuumissues.files.wordpress.com/2014/01/punchgif.gif


 DEPRESSION
 http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_matlleObCG1qm0iqno1_500.gif


ANGER
http://queerty-prodweb.s3.amazonaws.com/wp/docs/2013/06/nicki-minaj-angry.gif

Finally: HEARTBROKEN

 https://p.gr-assets.com/540x540/fit/hostedimages/1380369463/722221.gif

Without explanation, without anything... She completely cuts me off from her life. And, has made it clear she will not be my Maid of Honor at the wedding.

I, couldn't breathe last night, or this morning. I, basically, cried my way through my weight workout...

Last night, I fueled all of the emotion into making my button bouquet.
I did not binge eat from the emotional tsunami.. even though, I did eat super late because I was so utterly upset (and focusing on button bouqueting).

I can't say that I didn't see this coming. She has been acting like a complete headcase ever since I started planning my wedding.

I can't say that I didn't expect that she would figure out some way to back out of the wedding.
I just wish that she would have been honest, and said that she was just not prepared (mentally, physically, emotionally, whatever) to be my maid of honor.

I have been writing her a letter, all day...
I've been writing this letter instead of my work, and instead of writing this post.
And I wish that I could send it...

But... I don't think, other than using the snail mail, there is a way to get it to her. I imagine if I tried to email her, the email would be bounced back. And I can't handle another electronic message letting me know that I am banned.

So I wrote a letter, that I will never be able to send.

And, I write this post... just to get the rest of it off my chest..

I seriously feel lost right now... because there isn't a reason for why she did it... And I think she knows it hurts me that badly... I honestly think she is doing this to hurt me... not to protect herself.

Just say a prayer ...
Just keep me in your thoughts...
Positive light and energy my way.



7 comments:

  1. It's very hard to deal with the depression of a family member. Especially when it negatively affects us and infringes on our happiness. Hang in there. I'm sorry this is dampening your wedding time.

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  2. If she is offering no reason for why she is acting this way, it leads me to believe she is battling some inner heartache that she is not speaking about. It sounds like the wedding planning is making her jealous and it's painful to her. Her actions are sounding like she is battling some kind of depression.

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  3. Wow...I'm so sorry you're going through this...especially when this should be the happiest time in your life! Forgive me if I'm wrong...but I feel like your sister is being really selfish here. Cutting YOU her SISTER out of her life just because of the surprise party that you didn't even know about??? I'm speechless. It sounds like there are some deep-rooted issues that she needs to work on herself. I really hope things look up soon because you need to be all smiles!!! Sending many hugs your way!

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  4. That makes me sad that you have to deal with this. Especially because it is your sister. It hurts when friends act this way....but family?! The good thing is that she IS your sister and hopefully will soon come to her senses about this. Obviously she is not in the right state of mind in the first place. I think this is more about her than it is you. Maybe she is cutting you out for attention from others. Maybe she is doing it out of jealousy? Either way, I am sorry and I hope that it gets worked out.

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  5. oh man, this is so unexpected and hard! we are here for you & including you in our prayers!

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  6. So sorry you are going through this right now. It sounds like she is going through some stuff on her end. I think just giving her space, she may come around.

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  7. I agree with Liz. Usually unexplained behavior is a result of a chemical imbalance. I read yesterday's post where u 2 had an all out blow out n after reading this I understand why.

    People battling things don't realize that they r affecting their family and loved ones too. U r suffering thru this along with her. I wonder if she would h willing to get some kind of help?

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