So recently I was talking about my sister, and the darkness she let's consume her. I also wrote how it has been overflowing into my wedding planning, and events.
I also explained how she was throwing me a pre-showerette, but couldn't go threw with it for her mental health....
BUT THEN, my bridesmaid Angel took the lead, and I had the most awesome surprise party last Friday night!
And I enjoyed myself, I truly did.
Well, my sister... she obviously was not a fan, And was obviously very hurt that I either attended this SURPRISE party, or that Angel didn't cancel it because my sister couldn't attend.
Either way, my sister has blocked me from calling her, both on her cell and house phone. She has unfriended me on Facebook, and has told my father that she needs to protect herself from me.
WHAT? ARE WE KIDDING ME?
I went through a major roller coaster of emotions.
Without explanation, without anything... She completely cuts me off from her life. And, has made it clear she will not be my Maid of Honor at the wedding.
I, couldn't breathe last night, or this morning. I, basically, cried my way through my weight workout...
Last night, I fueled all of the emotion into making my button bouquet.
I did not binge eat from the emotional tsunami.. even though, I did eat super late because I was so utterly upset (and focusing on button bouqueting).
I can't say that I didn't see this coming. She has been acting like a complete headcase ever since I started planning my wedding.
I can't say that I didn't expect that she would figure out some way to back out of the wedding.
I just wish that she would have been honest, and said that she was just not prepared (mentally, physically, emotionally, whatever) to be my maid of honor.
I have been writing her a letter, all day...
I've been writing this letter instead of my work, and instead of writing this post.
And I wish that I could send it...
But... I don't think, other than using the snail mail, there is a way to get it to her. I imagine if I tried to email her, the email would be bounced back. And I can't handle another electronic message letting me know that I am banned.
So I wrote a letter, that I will never be able to send.
And, I write this post... just to get the rest of it off my chest..
I seriously feel lost right now... because there isn't a reason for why she did it... And I think she knows it hurts me that badly... I honestly think she is doing this to hurt me... not to protect herself.
Just say a prayer ...
Just keep me in your thoughts...
Positive light and energy my way.