For me, there is no middle ground, there is no balance between Healthy Choices and Eat All The Things. There is also no balance between Hitting the Gym Hard and Completely Being Lazy. I'm an all or nothing kind of gal, in this respect, and that was completely killing me.
homeostasis... there has to be a balance in which I can be healthy and still live. So, I've been making small changes around me, whether it be getting the men to chip in with chores around the house, attempting to do the Whole30 (which all in all so far, hasn't been so bad - except for the Saturday we were away in Connecticut - but even then, not so bad), and trying to do 5 healthy activities/workouts a week. Also, not to overdue these workouts... Get in, do good work, Get out - No more than an hour.
Over the past 4 weeks - all of these changes have come slowly, and I have eased my way in to them. And today - I'm starting to feel it. The balance - homestasis - life. This evening, I have to take 2 martial arts classes. So instead of waking up and pushing myself to do a gym workout, I decided to sleep in. I know this is quite shocking - almost 6 months ago, I was up at 430am, every stinking day, and was in the gym before 6am. I was running 20+ miles a week. I was lifting. I was EXHAUSTED. There was no way to keep up with that regimen long term. The body needs rest. Today, I slept until 6:21am. I could see the sun, and I wasn't freaking out. I got dressed, ran a brush through my hair, made myself a quick Whole30 approved omlet, through it in with my already packed lunch, grabbed some movies for background noise - and got on the road around 6:45am.
I hit 3 accidents on the way to work today. Didn't phase me. I was completely relaxed. I wasn't rushing to fit in an over zealous quick workout. All I had to do when I got to work was fix my hair and put on a little makeup. No big deal. (Side note: The only thing that did occur to me when I passed each of those accidents on the highway - JEEZ Can we all just SLOW DOWN, some of us don't want to DIE today.)
I felt it - the ebb and flow of life - and I was going with it.
I did the above mentioned hair/makeup. I heated up my breakfast. Peeled my clementine - and I sat here. And I started writing this post.
I feel it - good - that's what I feel.
GOOD, RESTED, ACTUALLY KIND OF PRETTY, & HEALTHY.
Am I completely back on track with my weight? No, not exactly. But, I am also not at an UNHEALTHY weight either. I use the BMI calculator as a brief guideline - I know that at the top of the healthy "normal" range, I look fuller (just about everywhere) - and I know when I get down to the bottom of the "normal" range, I look emaciated. I'm not going for dead center anymore. I'm going for whatever happens.
Sounds a little hippy dippy right? Well - I'm not stressing anymore. I refuse. Do you know why? The stress? Well the stress only makes it worse! I am going to do my best, every day, to be healthy. Eating appropriately - as often as possible. Not being scared of "treats" - well, honestly, I hope to be able to not fear these after the whole30 is over. But, I do, and it's not really the "treat" it's the self control. But, even still - not stressing it. Dessert is GOING TO HAPPEN and fearing it, and feeling guilty about it, benefits no one. I will be as active as I can - as often as I can, and not kick myself for skipping, or missing. It happens - It's going to happen - And I will be okay.
This clarity feels - amazing.
The strength that comes from it - cannot be described.
So today - sit back - soak in life, and FEEL IT. Feel what your balance can be. Then - LIVE IT.